Queen , you look in the mirror and wonder where you went. You hear your voice, barely recognize it. You've got fears, you've got doubts after Narcissistic abuse. Feeling like you have lost yourself is common, but it's not a weakness. It is a symptom of survival. But you are not gone. You are not broken. You're just buried beneath all the schleppy nippy. That's a word I did make up just now. But all the ways you had to stay small to stay what safe. So today we're going to start calling you that U2 0.0 back. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free.
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I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. All right, beauties. It's Christine. Today we're talking about something so many survivors carry quietly that aching feeling of being lost like you are floating through your own life, disconnected from who you used to be. Maybe some of you never even got to become fully that person or who you were supposed to become, but it's not too late. But I do hear this all the time. I hear I want to feel like myself again.
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I don't even know what I like anymore. I used to be joyful. So fun, that sparkle that we talk about. Where did it go? If you've ever thought those things, this episode is for you. So let's start off with how narcissistic abuse steals your identity. Okay? It isn't just emotional manipulation, this abuse, it is psychological erasure. Bit by bit. The narcissist dismissed your opinions, controlled your choices. They're always trying to gain control or see if they can get it back. So they're controlling your choices, criticizing. When you do have a moment that you may have an interest or something outside of what they're telling you to do, they will criticize it. So criticizing your interests, mocking your emotions. Oh, you're so dramatic. You're so sensitive and making you doubt your intuition, that gut feeling. They twist and turn things and manipulate so you doubt your truth until suddenly you stopped choosing.
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You stopped expressing. You started shrinking just to avoid the conflict, the rejection or the ever present rage of a narcissist. And over time, your nervous system learned this. Maybe it's safer to disappear. Seacrest out. I'm picturing that meme of, what is it? Homer, going back into the bushes, like reversing into the bushes. That little not meme, the gif, right? Maybe it's safer to just disappear back here, but disappearing is not what you are supposed to be or do, right? You're a queen after all. Okay? So that little light inside you, that sparkle, it's there and we're going to brighten it up. It just got dimmed, but we're here to reignite that. Let's throw some gas on that sparkle. Okay? So how do we do that, Christy? We're going to talk about three ways to start reclaiming you. So no pressure, first of all, and no perfection. But these are some things you can start doing little by little. So first, rebuild micro preferences. You're going to start small, ridiculously small. That's what you can handle right now. You have to build up. That's okay. Things like what's your favorite color? Now, it could be that simple. I literally have had more than one client when I've asked, what's your favorite color? They're like, I don't know. And then it can feel really disconnected, right? What music do you actually love?
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Do you like your egg scrambled or poached? What's your favorite movie? What do you want your room to look like? And you might feel overwhelmed. So start with the color. What color do you want your room? What colors do you want in your room? Just get a throw pillow to start, right? You're gradually building your micro preferences up. You'd be amazed how much of your identity lives in the details you stopped choosing. So ask yourself, is this what I want? Not what they wanted, what you want, what do you want? Okay, number two, talk to the before you. And this is for those of you who had aversion before this, right? If you had some childhood stuff where you had been dismissed and put down, this may not apply directly to you, but you can see, but this is especially for the people who got into relationships later in life and lost themselves. So think back to the version of who you were before. The abuse. What did she love? What made her light up? Even as a kid? Now ask, what did she need that she did not get?
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And here's where you can have fun work. Write her a letter, reintroduce yourself. Let her know you are coming back for her. And this time you're listening, you want to hear her and her preferences. Okay? So that's kind of a fun one, right? We get to do a tangible thing, write a letter. What did she need that she didn't get? What made her light up? Put it all out there. There's no right or wrong. There's no limit. You could do one page, you could do 40 pages. Number three, create yes and no lists. So if you're familiar with my work, that's how we always start with my one-on-one clients. And even in some of my groups, we do the hell yes, hell no. So you can start this. We go into it in a major way. That's amazing. But you can start small, okay? You have two lists on one piece of paper.
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You could start if you want to start small, right? Hell yes. On the top of one side, hell no on the top of the other. The yeses are the things that light you up. The nos are the things that drain you or disrespect you. This becomes your compass. It's how you begin to choose on purpose. Say that I want to choose on purpose. Say it. I want to choose on purpose. And each choice brings your power back, even if it's a small one, right? So think of something right now. Think of something that you just love. Let's say your ex didn't like you to eat a certain flavor of ice cream. He always just wanted his and didn't let you get yours, and you'd love mint chocolate chip ice cream.
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Write that on your list and want you to get you some this week, right? That's a simple, maybe silly thing, but it is a real thing. I listen to you guys, I hear all the stories. I know there are people who controlled you to the point that you couldn't even choose your own toothpaste, right? So go get that bubble gum flavor, toothpaste, and then the hell no things that drain you. I've got one. I've got one for you guys. I know some of you can probably relate. I have definitely had clients who can relate because of how we've been conditioned. We often feel like we need to be there for everybody and always be available, stuff like that. So one of my big ones that's on my hell no list is long phone conversations or answering the phone every time it rings. Stuff like that.
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You might be able to relate to that. That's draining. Especially if it's someone who's complaining or having a lot going on in their life. No offense to them, but you got your own shit. You got your own life. So you can either not answer or you can get on the phone and say, I have five minutes to talk. I got to be somewhere or do something. That's okay. That's build these lists. So you're knock on, you're right here. And these are some things that can help. There's plenty more. And if you work one-on-one with me, obviously we can customize your strategy there. So if you're feeling lost, if you're mourning the version of you that used to laugh more, sing louder, feel freer, please hear me. You did not lose her. She got quiet. She hid to essentially survive in one way or the other, but she's still here.
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And every single choice you make to show up for yourself could be small, could be big. You could say no when it's a no, say yes, when your soul lights up. Every time you do that, it's proof that you are coming home to you, to her. So you don't need to rush your healing. You don't need to have all the answers right now, but I promise if you stay on this path of truth true to you and self-love, you will find her again. She is not gone. And when you do, girl, she going to be so shiny and gold and sparkly. I am so proud of you. I'm walking this journey with you. Until next time, keep reclaiming that crown.
