Nick Stumbo on Breaking the Silence: The Hidden Impact of Porn on Christian Marriages

What do you do when trust is shattered, but no one around you seems to take your pain seriously?
In today’s deeply honest and hope-filled episode, Leslie sits down with Nick Stumbo, former pastor and Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries, who opens up about his personal battle with pornography—and the profound impact it had on his wife, his marriage, and his ministry. Nick's story isn’t just one of addiction—it's about healing, honesty, and hope when everything seems lost.

Together, Leslie and Nick dismantle toxic messaging that pressures wives to “just forgive” or “have more sex,” and instead offer a biblical and brain-based path toward real recovery—one that honors both the betrayed and the struggler.

If you or someone you love is silently suffering in a marriage affected by pornography, this episode will remind you: You’re not alone, and your healing matters.

 

🔑 Key Takeaways: 1. Pornography Is Not Just a “Men’s Issue”—It’s a People Problem

Nick shares eye-opening statistics from Pure Desire’s recent Barna study, showing that over half of practicing Christians admit to viewing pornography, including 40% of Christian women. This isn’t about pointing fingers—it’s about lifting the shame and creating real solutions.

“Porn is not a minor issue. It’s undermining the heartbeat of our marriages and families.”

2. Real Healing Begins When the Struggler Takes Full Ownership

For 10 years, Nick’s wife forgave his repeated confessions. But healing didn’t begin until Nick recognized the impact of his actions on her heart. It wasn’t enough to try harder—he had to go deeper.

“Her pain wasn’t the problem. My choices were. When I stopped minimizing her hurt and started listening, everything changed.”

3. Rebuilding Trust Requires Consistent Action, Not Just Apologies

Nick offers practical examples of what rebuilding trust looked like in his marriage: weekly check-ins, recovery groups, full honesty, and showing—not just saying—change. He emphasizes that wives need to see patterns of safety, not just hear promises.

“Trust is rebuilt when words and actions align over time—not when you demand forgiveness before you’ve earned it.”

4. Churches Must Stop Prioritizing Reconciliation Over Healing

Leslie and Nick both challenge churches that urge women to reconcile prematurely, while ignoring their trauma. Healing isn’t about keeping the marriage together at any cost—it’s about helping both people get healthy, whether or not the marriage survives.

“The greatest hope for a reconciled marriage is two healing people—not one healing while the other continues to harm.”

5. Community Is Essential—For Both the Betrayed and the Struggler

Nick explains how Pure Desire’s gender-specific recovery groups changed everything for both him and his wife. In community, they found tools, support, and the courage to stop hiding.

“You cannot heal in isolation. We were never meant to carry this alone.”

  💌 A Personal Invitation

If you're feeling exhausted, stuck, or unsure if your marriage can survive the devastation of pornography, there is a path forward. Whether you're the one who struggles—or the one who’s been wounded—your healing matters.

👉 Learn more about Pure Desire Ministries and find recovery resources here: puredesire.org
👉 Looking for support for destructive or emotionally abusive relationships? Explore Leslie’s programs here: leslievernick.com

 

💖 Closing Encouragement

Friend, if you're hanging on by a thread, hear this: God sees your pain. He hears your cries. And He cares deeply about your healing.
You don’t have to keep doing the same destructive dance. Whether your spouse is ready or not, you can start getting healthy today.
There is hope. There is help. And there is freedom—one courageous step at a time.