55 Bridging the Gap Between Military and Civilian Families with Licensed Professional Counselor, Author, Podcaster, and 2015 Military Spouse of the Year, Corie Weathers

55. Bridging the Gap Between Military and Civilian Families with Licensed Professional Counselor, Author, Podcaster, and 2015 Military Spouse of the Year, Corie Weathers

 

**Transcription Below**

 

Proverbs 27:17 (NIV) “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” 

 

Corie Weathers is a wife, mother, licensed professional counselor, speaker, consultant and author of Sacred Spaces: My Journey to the Heart of Military Marriage. In 2015, Corie was named the 2015 Armed Forces Insurance Military Spouse of the Year® where she advocated for mental health issues and served as a media correspondent. Today, Corie continues to encourage others through her inspirational blog and podcast. She also serves as an Ambassador for the Chris Kyle Frog Foundation serving military and first responder families and volunteers with the Red Cross training mental health professionals to be more culturally competent in their work with military and first responders.

 

At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.comand affiliated sites. 

 

Corie’s Website

Lifegiver Blog 

Lifegiver Podcast

Sacred Spaces: My Journey to the Heart of Military Marriage by Corie Weathers

 

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Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)

 

Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”

 

Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

 

Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” 

 

Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” 

 

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 

 

Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” 

 

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

 

Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” 

 

Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

 

Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”

 

Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”

 

Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”

 

Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“

 

Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“

 

Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

 

**Transcription**

 

[00:00:00] <music>

 

Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. 

 

[00:00:17] <music>

 

Laura Dugger: I want to say thank you to our sponsor, FabFitFun. If you want to learn more about their seasonal subscription boxes, which include over $200 worth of full-size products, but cost you only $49.99, visit them at FabFitFun.com. And if you use the coupon code SAVVY at checkout, you'll receive $10 off your first box. 

 

Today we're bringing back Corie Weathers. She is a wife, mother, licensed professional counselor, author, and podcaster, and she's previously been named Military Spouse of the Year. We're going to learn more about her journey and hear some surprising ways to bridge the gap between civilians and military families. 

 

I apologize for my cold today, and I hope that it does not distract you from this great interview with Corie Weathers. 

 

Welcome to the Savvy Sauce, Corie. 

 

Corie Weathers: Thanks for having me, Laura. [00:01:19] 

 

Laura Dugger: Well, it's such an honor to have you join us today. Can you just start us off by providing a little bit of your backstory? 

 

Corie Weathers: Yeah, absolutely. So I am a licensed professional counselor. It's something that I've always wanted to do and to work with marriages has always been a huge dream of mine. What I did not anticipate was that I would be doing that for the military community and the first responder community. 

 

My husband and I met in college, and we thought we were going to go more so into the ministry or go into the academic field of teaching college-level courses and all of that. Then one day my husband came and said he wanted to be an Army chaplain, which completely threw me. And it took me about a year to get on board. But once we got on board together on that it has completely altered our life. 

 

We are full-blown in the ministry of really serving military and veteran. My work has also expanded to first responders. So he is an army chaplain, active duty. We're currently in South Carolina. He is an instructor where he actually trains up chaplains. [00:02:22] 

 

So if you can imagine taking your local pastor and put a uniform on them and take them out into the woods and throw grenades at them, that's kind of what my husband gets to do. I'm sure it's a lot more work than just that. But that's where we are right now. 

 

I know we're going to get into this a little bit more later, but it's been a roller coaster ride of fun. And it is just my joy. My goal, honestly, is to breathe life into military and first responder families because of it being such a lifestyle of stress. That's the fastest way that I can give you a background. 

 

Laura Dugger: For anybody who hasn't used that term frequently, who are you specifically talking about when you say first responders? 

 

Corie Weathers: It's very interesting. You know, we really had been focusing for about the last 10 years on just military families because my husband being a chaplain, you know, we're assigned to anywhere between 400, sometimes, you know, even up to a thousand families at once. So it's not your typical role, like a pastor of a church kind of role. [00:03:24] A chaplain's role is very unique. 

 

My husband's family comes from a long line of police officers, and so we've always kind of had a passion for first responders. I found recently that when we say first responders, we include police officers, SWAT teams, firefighters, EMS workers, paramedics. Anybody that responds to a crisis on the civilian local level in their communities is what we call first responders. 

 

So we found so many similarities between what our first responders' experience of life and marriage is like compared to military. Bringing those two together has been a really easy, seamless kind of work, if that makes sense. 

 

Laura Dugger: Oh, definitely. That is so interesting to hear the parallels between the two. In 2015, you were named Military Spouse of the Year. So how has your life changed since winning that title? 

 

Corie Weathers: Believe it or not, when we first got into the military, our first assignment, our first initiation into the military culture was quite intense. [00:04:27] We didn't know that at the time. We thought that it was just kind of the normal Army experience. But our first deployment was very intense where we lost a lot of our soldiers, did a lot of work within that community, worked with a lot of what we call Gold Star families, which is basically a family who's lost their service members. 

 

So part of my role was to deliver support and kind of sit with that family when they first received their news of losing their soldier. A lot of that work leading up to 2015 was really focused on really pouring into this community in a very intense way. 

 

My husband actually came across a tweet one day, we kind of joke at each other and say, Wow, it's amazing what a little tweet can do. But he came across a tweet that said, Nominate your spouse for Military Spouse of the Year. And he thought at the time, you know, Corie's done a lot of work and she deserves a really great pat on the back and a certificate. 

 

So he nominated me for Military Spouse of the Year. We had no idea what that really meant. The general population, including civilians and military, vote on these different military spouses who've done really amazing things. [00:05:36] 

 

So I went on to win Military Spouse of the Year for my installation, our post, our Army post. And then from there, I was voted and kind of won this Army Spouse of the Year. And then that led up to one major event in Washington, D.C., where the winner of each branch, so we had Army, Marines, Coast Guard, National Guard, Air Force, I think I hit all that, and Navy. So the six of us all come together and they announce the overall Military Spouse of the Year for that year at a big ceremony in Washington, D.C. And so in 2015, I was given that name, the 2015 Military Spouse of the Year. 

 

As far as how my life has changed, it has changed drastically. It felt like falling from the sky without a parachute. A lot of military spouses really serve in the shadows and in the background, and we kind of are chameleons. Wherever we go, it's how can we serve and who do you need me to be. [00:06:35] 

 

Military Spouse of the Year really put me in the spotlight. I mean, the next morning after winning that award, I was on the Today Show sitting next to Hoda and Kathie Lee and having a conversation with them about the military world, and so many other things. You know, opportunities to speak to other military families across the nation, speak with a lot of our higher ranking officials in D.C. about the military culture and how we can make it better. 

 

But ultimately, I will say the biggest part of my year was the Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter at the time... Now the Secretary of Defense is who we nickname him Mad Dog. I don't think he likes that, but Mad Dog Mattis is our current Secretary of Defense. But before that was Ashton Carter. He took me along with him on his holiday tour to visit troops overseas to allow me to see deployment conditions. 

 

They realized that they had never taken a military spouse that wasn't an employee of theirs in the office to see what it's like actually overseas in deployment. [00:07:38] Like we always have kind of these snapshot pictures, just like every American does. You know, we see on the news, the welcome home ceremonies. We see, you know, our soldiers, you know, with their picture taken in front of some mountains or in the sand or whatever. And that's our only understanding of deployment. 

 

So, over the course of about seven days or so, I visited Turkey, two places in Iraq, Afghanistan, and then was on two different aircraft carriers in the Persian Gulf, which really allowed me to see all of our branches working together—Navy, Marines, Air Force, Army—all at once for the causes that we're fighting overseas on. And so it was a truly remarkable experience that literally changed my life. 

 

Laura Dugger: Oh, I can't even imagine. I'm sure it was surreal on some level. 

 

Corie Weathers: It was absolutely surreal. 

 

Laura Dugger: But now you've lived on two very different sides. You've both served at home while your husband traveled and then, like you said, you experienced this season of travel for yourself. So what did you learn from being in both of those roles? [00:08:43] 

 

Corie Weathers: It was truly a remarkable experience because I think even if you're not in the military, all of us have this kind of the grass is greener on the other side. And it's really easy for us to, whether we look across the street at our neighbor and say, wow, I wish I had a little piece of their life or even looking at our spouse's experience. 

 

And I know even as a stay-at-home mom, I have been in that situation where my kids were young and there was part of me that was like, I just want to get out of this house and do something fun. And I see my husband going off to work every day, and gee, that looks amazing, right? 

 

And so I think as a military spouse, also having been through deployment, of course, I wasn't necessarily wanting to experience war and I wasn't necessarily wanting to go on a vacation to Afghanistan. But there was a part of me that really kind of wanted to do something exciting, that really wanted to experience my potential and my purpose. [00:09:40] And I'm wondering if I was going to find that outside of what I was presently doing at the time. 

 

And so I think this whole experience, the Military Spouse of the Year experience, the trip with Ashton Carter, and even some of the other experiences that I've had, I got to go to Japan and work with spouses there, and I think that what it really taught me was that there are times when God opens up definitely a circle of influence.  And I think that that happens in seasons. 

 

I can look back now when I was raising toddlers and say to myself, I wish that I could give myself or gift myself really patience. I was so rushed and so anxious to see something else, do something else. It doesn't mean I didn't love my kids and enjoy what I was doing. 

 

But I think that most people listening can relate that, you know, no matter what you're presently working on, you're always wanting that next thing. [00:10:33] Like when you're in school, I can't wait till I'm out of school.  When I'm out of school, I can't wait till, you know, people in this field actually listen to me, right? Or that I have something to give back or, you know, wherever you are in that season. 

 

And so I think for me it did a couple of things. I think, one, it slowed my heart down to make me realize that as much as I even still love the opportunities that I get to travel and speak with different groups of people, and I know now that my gifting that God has called me to is in teaching and speaking, that when I'm there, I want to be home. And when I'm home, there's always a part of me that wants to be able to do something outside of the house too. And so I think it helped me realize that I could have both and I could be content with both. 

 

Definitely after that season of 2016 of traveling as much as I did helped me really embrace. Honestly, if I were to be honest with you, Laura, it was a tough season for us. We felt that we were being obedient to do what we are being called to do and what I was being called to do. But it asked a lot of my husband to have a full-time job and kind of hold down the home front while Corie was all over the world. [00:11:40] 

 

It really brought me back to my first calling, which is my marriage and my family. That all these other exciting things were fun and great, but if I did them to the destruction of myself and my family, then none of it was worth it, and it definitely is not a true calling. 

 

And so I think one of the biggest things that I learned was to understand and relate to my husband and have empathy for him, not just for deployments because it definitely gave me perspective on that, but it also gave me perspective on what it's like for him as a husband even to be working a full-time job all the time, having to miss the things that he has to miss. 

 

And that he doesn't really, at least in our home, doesn't really have as much of a choice as I do. That I can kind of slow down at any point and kind of rebalance my priorities and come back home and really give my best at home. But that's, you know, a place where I can have empathy for him. But my first calling has to be to my marriage and my family. [00:12:40] 

 

I think that experiencing that other side made me realize what we all hear is true, but really to experience the truth of the grass isn't necessarily always greener on the other side. Wherever we are, it's our responsibility to grow green grass there, if that makes any sense. 

 

Laura Dugger: That definitely does. I think there's so much wisdom. Many of our listeners are moms, both working and stay at home. Do you have any further encouragement or just wisdom you want to share from what you learned? What would you want to speak to them right now? 

 

Corie Weathers: My boys are now 11 and 14. And I really as a mentor and as kind of up from a mothering perspective to some of the listeners who might be just beginning their families and their babies and toddlers, I'm definitely not going to be that person that says, enjoy it while you can, and it goes so fast. 

 

Because I remember that there are seasons where you are getting thrown up on and pooped on and there are days that you haven't slept for weeks. And so it is a tough season. It really is. And I want to acknowledge that it is a tough season. And that's okay that it's a tough season. [00:13:50] 

 

So I think my encouragement to those that are in that season right now is to be graceful with yourself, be merciful. There is some level of enjoying it. And I think I will say from the perspective of if you find that you have a longing for this thing that you want to do in the future, that that is normal and it's natural and it's not a bad thing to want that. It doesn't make you a bad mom for you to, you know, love raising kids, but also kind of have this kind of stirring on the inside of something that has an additional purpose to your world. 

 

But I think that I would just want to kind of like the way that I would gift myself back then, I think I was very unsettled. And because I'm a professional counselor, I had been through that schooling, I think I thought that taking this break to raise my kids was somehow going to leave me behind in a career or in my purpose somehow. I think I would tell other people that it's not. You're not going to be behind. 

 

That what you're learning on a daily basis, the character stretching, the depth that you're going to have to who you are is only going to add to whatever it is that you're going to do in the future. [00:14:57] So you are not wasting time. 

 

And that whatever gifts and talents God has given you, apply those to your parenting, apply those to your marriage, apply those to your family, and it will, like a snowball effect, expand your influence later. It will be all part of the tapestry, the puzzle, however you want to see that to just relax and enjoy where you are right now and that it's a good place. 

 

Laura Dugger: That is incredible truth. You've just been given such an incredible platform. What message are you most passionate about communicating to the masses? 

 

Corie Weathers: Ooh, that's a good question. You know, I questioned myself on this almost on a daily basis and I'll tell you why. I wish I had the direct quote, but I heard Beth Moore one time, you know, she's a very famous, successful Christian speaker, especially in women's ministry. She said during a talk one time that heaven forbid she ever be called to marriage ministry. And that if she ever felt prompted to go into marriage ministry that she would wait until the last 10 seconds of her life when she's on her deathbed. And that in that last 10 seconds, then she would say, Yes, Lord, I'll do marriage ministry. Then she could die. [00:16:10] 

 

Her reason behind saying that is because it is tough. You know, whatever it is that you do, whatever you're passionate about, you get attacked from all levels and that you're really challenged and you are really stretched in that area. And so my current platform is marriage. 

 

And it doesn't mean that being single that there's not a calling to that. There is definitely a calling to that. And that is a whole other calling of how you're stretched and shaped and finding your purpose in that. And that is a wonderful place. 

 

My current platform is really on marriage because the military and first responder, and there's other communities that have high levels of stress as well, but that community has so many challenges that would rip a couple apart. Deployment, separations, high levels of stress and trauma, and all of that, that I really believe that in order to keep generation strong and to have a strong family tree, that I want to see these marriages stay together. [00:17:12] 

 

Then I really do believe that marriage sharpens individuals like an iron sharpens iron kind of thing, and that we're better people when we're in relationships with people. And so even if there's somebody that's single that's listening to this right now, you know what that's like too. There are certain friendships that sharpen you, that challenge you. There are certain relationships, even with your family members that challenge you. 

 

And so there's something about being in relationship with another person that it really puts a mirror in front of us and we have to address selfishness in our life, we have to become better people. And to me, marriage is part of what brings up future generations that really want their marriages to succeed too. And so that is my current platform. And I ask myself on a daily basis, why am I doing that? 

 

Laura Dugger: But we're so glad you are. It's helping so many. Let's take a quick break to hear a message from our sponsor.

 

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Laura Dugger: You've mentioned that one of your gifts is teaching. So will you just teach us how military families in America are both unique and similar to civilian families? 

 

Corie Weathers: Yeah, that's such a big question, and I'll try to keep that concise because that could be our whole conversation. But I will say military families, we're humans too, and we are just like civilian families as well. So, you know, we still have life issues, family issues, similar arguments in marriage, similar challenges.  You know, we experience America together with you, right? We watch the news. We experience so many things on a daily basis that are the same. 

 

I would say there are some big differences though too, and there is what we call a military-civilian divide.  Now, I don't necessarily think that one side or the other creates and maintains that divide. I think it's just an experience of not understanding because we don't know what it's like. [00:20:30] 

 

For example, I have no idea what it's like to live in one house my whole life or much less one town. And there's a lot of civilians that move a lot as well, and so they can relate to the military lifestyle in that. Civilians, I hear from civilians that they say, I can barely get through watching our kids by myself for two days if my husband is gone, much less thinking about how to do that for an entire year.

 

So there are some big differences. For a lot of our active-duty military families, they move or relocate on average about every two to three years unless they're like a special forces type of community where sometimes they can kind of stay put. But most active-duty military families move every two to three years, and that can be especially challenging. 

 

We have to find new friends. There is no such thing as a church home. I have no idea what that must be like to be in relationship with the same people for years and years, in the same small group even for years and years, and to develop and shape and sharpen ourselves in those relationships and serve the same community year after year. [00:21:37] And so that really sets us apart. 

 

And I think because of that, military families tend to be very intense. And so if I were to kind of give you what's the biggest difference that civilians might see from military families, the big takeaway that I would want to tell civilians as you kind of find yourself in contact with a military family is that military families are very intense. And that's why we personally love doing ministry with them because they're intense and they're raw and they're gritty and they're very real. There is no mask, really. There is no pretense. 

 

And the reason for that is because we come into a community and we need friends quickly. I need to know where my support system is quickly. And once I identify who that support system is, we're going to start relying on each other very quickly because within a year, we're going to be talking about moving again. 

 

So to give you an example, I am looking out my window right now across the street. I'm in a civilian neighborhood. We live off post, off the installation for this current assignment. And when I look to my right, I see one neighbor's house that I have not even met them yet. We've been living here since December. [00:22:42] 

 

On the left, there's another neighbor that just moved in and I happened to see the truck pull up with all of their goods and I noticed that on the truck were crates, which signaled to me that's a military family. I immediately went over there and within 20 minutes, I knew their name, all the places that they had been assigned to. I knew their rules in their house. I knew their kids' names. I had already offered to buy them groceries. 

 

And I know within an hour of meeting that person, if they are going to be a support system for me and whether they are going to use me as a support system, whether or not I trust my kids to go in their house. She could text me any second and say, Hey, I need help with a gallon of milk and I'm right on top of it. 

 

So I think that civilians can kind of meet military families and feel like it's really intense and maybe a little bit much too quick. Because I read an article that said in the civilian community, it takes about 20 hours to claim somebody as an acquaintance and about, I think it was 200 hours with somebody before we would call them friends. That blew my mind because in the military community, we don't have time for that. We have to, in order to survive and find our support systems, we have to move much faster. [00:23:56] 

 

And so I think we kind of get a wall with civilians when they're like, wow, that's too much, too soon. I don't know how to handle that. And that's where I think we feel a little bit of that divide. So it is two different kinds of cultures. The military community, it's almost like... as a chaplain family, at least, it's like we're doing missionary work with an African tribe in America. So it's almost like a tribe within a tribe, all in one country, if that makes sense. 

 

Laura Dugger: Yes. And there's so many cultural things to break down there that's so interesting. Just a little bit of our story. My husband and I are both civilians, have never been a part of the military, but we've moved nine times in nine years of marriage. And we are drawn to other couples and families that are transient as well because they'll go deep fast. 

 

Corie Weathers: Yes

 

Laura Dugger: So that's really interesting to hear your take on it.

 

Corie Weathers: You know, I think that that is the one thing that I try to convey to both sides is that there doesn't have to be a military-civilian divide because I think that there are so many civilians that understand the military lifestyle. [00:25:02] It's just part of the conversations. And so being able to say, Oh my goodness, I've moved a lot too. I totally know what that's like and being able to reach out to those military families that you know, that you identify with. 

 

And even if you've stayed put in one place, if you are near a military installation or especially if you're not near a military installation, there are still active military families in your community that are National Guard and Reserve, that they do stay put in your communities, but they still feel different and they still don't have that support network. 

 

And so being able to reach out to some of those families to be able to go, Hey, do you need a church to go to? Do you need support or whatever? Or just, I'm curious about your life and what that's like for you guys to be both civilians in the civilian world and yet still military. Starting those conversations can go a long way to bridge that gap. 

 

Laura Dugger: What are some of the sacrifices military families make, which we as civilians may be unaware of? [00:26:01] 

 

Corie Weathers: I think there's a lot of basic sacrifices that I think Americans do understand. I think everybody loves a good soldier coming home story. And that's one place that I think that we feel really loved by the American community. We like weep openly as well when we see one of those soldiers welcome home, surprise his kid at school, welcome back things of videos or whatever. And the fact that America loves to see those stories as well makes a huge difference. 

 

So I think as far as the quiet sacrifices, I would definitely say for our active duty community, for sure, I can't even stress to you how difficult it can be to live that transient lifestyle and not have a church home, to not have that solid, stable community. And so it's a huge sacrifice that our military spouses and their children make. 

 

Just to give you an example, for some reason, the Weathers family, we have been moving on average every year and a half for the past five years. [00:27:02] So we haven't even been able to stay put for more than two years. In our current place, we will move 18 months. So it'll be a year and a half. And we are moving to Kansas where we're only going to be there for a year and then they'll move us again. 

 

That is a huge sacrifice to ask children to go through. It all comes down to the calling. We get a lot of people that say, well, why do you do it if it's so hard? Then why stay in? But that would be like asking a family to stop doing what they love to do and what they're built to do and what they are content doing simply because life is hard. 

 

And so asking your kids... so for example, my son is going into ninth grade and he's been in eight schools already. Same thing for my younger son, who's going into sixth grade, has been in five schools. So when my son graduated elementary school, he graduated with honors, with great, wonderful grades, and I loved what my husband wrote in a card as kind of like a congratulation card he gave him on graduation day. Because I know they're doing these big things now where you have to do this huge graduation just for elementary school. I'm not really sure why. It's crazy. 

 

But he put in the card, "You think that you are graduating from this one elementary school today, but make no mistake, you're graduating with honors from five elementary schools. You're not only in the top of your class from this school. This is you being at the top of your class compared to five schools and hundreds of kids." [00:28:31] And being able to point that out to a military kid to go, You've been through a lot. You've sacrificed a lot. Your hard work is noticed. I think that would be some of the sacrifices. 

 

I think if there's one more that I could point out, especially if you live near a military community, an installation, you just never know where somebody is at. When your spouse is deployed and you're months and months into single parenting, you just feel like you're an exposed nerve that's walking around. And if you just happen to see a mom with her kids, especially if they're small kids and she's by herself, you just never know if they're going through a deployment where they're at.

 

Because I remember there were times that just somebody saying, how's your day going? That I just burst into tears. Because it was like, somebody actually asked me how I was doing? Or because those emotions are so right under the surface, just one little prick brings out a lot. And so you just never know what that single mom that you see in your community is actually going through and what they may actually be sacrificing. 

 

Laura Dugger: That's just humbling to hear the sacrifices. 

 

I just want to let you know what Lobukia wrote on iTunes. "My favorite podcast. Host asks great questions and guests are great. Love the practical tips." These readings and reviews help gain more sponsors so that we can continue the work of The Savvy Sauce podcast. [00:29:56] 

 

And if you're interested in sponsoring an episode or inquiring about our sponsorship packages, please email our team at info@thesavvysauce.com. We look forward to partnering with you. 

 

Should we as civilians be aware of any wrongful assumptions that we make or even hurtful questions that we unintentionally ask? 

 

Corie Weathers: You know, I thank you for asking that question because we don't get asked that question a lot. I actually did an interview with, his name is Chaplain Timothy Mallard. He's a subject matter expert in moral and soul injury. And he brought up something that I definitely related to where He said, sometimes the civilian-military divide widens when civilians come up to military and say the generic, "Thank you for your service". 

 

That's so hard for me to say because I think every civilian who comes up to a military member and says that has complete, genuine, positive things in mind when they're doing that. [00:30:59] They're genuinely thanking them. Otherwise, they wouldn't be coming up to us and saying it. So I definitely wouldn't want civilians to go, well, if that's how they feel, I'm not going to say anything at all. 

 

I think that what widens that misunderstanding or the feeling of misunderstanding is, and this is going to sound harsh and I'm just going to kind of be honest, is just that if that's all you know to say, then it does come across as very general. I don't know what else to say so I'll just say that. 

 

And so my encouragement to those that are listening that maybe don't have much connection to the military is, by all means, definitely thank those military members or family members that you come across. But I would just encourage you to maybe say something a little bit more than just thank you. 

 

So for example, the other day we were out to dinner and this one older couple came up to us and struck up a conversation and I knew it was kind of leading to the "thank you for your service". But instead, he actually said that he was prior service and he understood our lifestyle and he just wanted to say thank you for what we are going through every day. [00:32:03] 

 

So being able to actually put it into your own words and say, it's okay for civilians to even say, I have no idea what it's like for you guys to live this lifestyle, but I've heard that you sacrifice a lot and that matters to me, and so I just want to say thank you. That's so much better than thank you for your service. 

 

I think other assumptions that we often hear, kind of going back to the question that I mentioned before, when people go, well, if it's so hard, then just get out. A lot of family members, if you have service members that are in your family that are serving and you hear those sacrifices, they come home at Christmas and they're talking about it, I hear from a lot of military families that that's one of their biggest pet peeves is family members will say, well, if it's so tough, just get out. Like, why don't you just get out? 

 

Well, part of it is we've signed on for a certain period of time. It might be four years, it could be 10 years, or maybe somebody loves this so much that they're in it for the long haul and are going for retirement at 20 or even 30 years. And so in a lot of ways, you can't just pull the plug and say, I quit. [00:33:02] You've made a commitment and it's something that you have to finish. 

 

A lot of the military members, though, too, especially special forces, but all of us have deep values in common. So loyalty, respect, responsibility, integrity. And so just quitting when life gets tough... you know, you don't want your service members quitting on a mission when it's tough. So it's really ingrained in us that in the tough stuff is where the fight is. And even for family members, where the fight is, is a mission that we're going to push through. 

 

So it's not within our culture to quit things. We don't quit during a deployment. We don't quit on our day. We don't quit in our kids when life is hard. We dig deep and we push through. And that's what I think makes us a really strong and very connected culture. So it's easy to say, if it's tough, then just leave it or just come back home to your hometown. But so many military families have seen so much of the world and seen so many different kinds of communities that they have a very difficult time coming back even to their hometown and feeling like they fit in because they've changed so much since then. [00:34:12] 

 

Laura, I think one other question that I think is obvious that I think would be helpful to say is there's always the few people that, out of curiosity, ask the question, especially to a service member, have you ever killed anyone? I know that that seems obvious, like something that you shouldn't ask, but I think just in case there's somebody listening that finds themselves curious, that is definitely never an appropriate question to ask and definitely widens that gap even further. 

 

That is not something that our service members enjoy, not something that they keep notches on their belt of how many times they've been through that. And for many of them, it is a traumatic experience to have to pull that trigger. But they do it because they love their battle buddy next to them, because they love their family, and because they love you and they don't want terrorists or other organizations threatening our country and making you feel less safe. 

 

And so that is a sacrifice that they make to their psyche even for our country. And so asking that question, you will never get a good answer from a service member who's been asked that. [00:35:15] 

 

Laura Dugger: That is so helpful to have such a candid response. And I think hopefully this conversation can help in a small way bridge some of that gap. 

 

Corie Weathers: I hope so. 

 

Laura Dugger: And you've alluded to this a little bit, but sometimes coming across very generic, I understand that could create more of a divide. But is there a tangible or helpful way that we can express gratitude? 

 

Corie Weathers: Yeah. I'm smiling that you're asking this question because there's been several times that my husband and I have been out to dinner and having a date night, and then it comes time for the bill and somebody has covered our meal. And we have no clue who did it, but just somebody in the restaurant knew that we were a military couple and paid for our dinner. 

 

I mean, tears coming to my eyes, just even that gift, because those are those moments that you feel deeply seen and that somebody said, You know, they look like they're on a date night. I don't even understand what their marriage has probably been through, so I'm just going to cover their dinner or I'm going to send them a dessert or something and not even take credit for it and not even interrupt whatever it is that they're talking about or going through or their evening. [00:36:23] I know my husband has had that experience several times just out to lunch for a meeting or just even by himself if he's been out to lunch and that's happened. 

 

I think one that you may not hear very often is finding out maybe an installation or someplace where you can find some connections where there is a deployment going on. And so many people want to send care packages to service members, and that's always something that's a great idea to do. 

 

And if you're going to do that, kind of thinking outside the box, not always sending candy, because a lot of our service members really need to stay in shape, and they're really trying to do that overseas. But, you know, sending them things that are comforts of home, not home-baked goods necessarily, but things that they can't easily get overseas. And even asking them, what do you need? And then supply that is always a good idea. 

 

But something that people rarely do is send care packages to the spouse at home. Because she is so busy, focused on sending care packages to her husband, taking care of the kids. [00:37:22] Military spouses very rarely know how to take care of themselves or do a good job taking care of themselves because they are really the glue that holds the whole family together. 

 

And so a huge gift is civilians getting together and saying, let's support the military spouses that are going through deployment. How can we gift them? And it can be anything from sending care packages to them. I know there was one church that set up some people within the church that could do oil changes for cars and then invited military spouses to bring their cars and have their oil changed. 

 

Or, you know, finding out who those spouses are if they live off an installation and offering to mow their grass for them. I mean, can you imagine your spouse is gone for an entire year and you have toddlers and you have to figure out how to mow your grass? So just little things like that that serve that family, believe it or not, is the best way that you can support that community. 

 

Laura Dugger: Oh, that's really helpful to have these specific examples. You've written a book which is titled Sacred Spaces: My Journey to the Heart of Military Marriage. Can you just share more about your experiences leading up to the decision to write this book? [00:38:33] 

 

Corie Weathers: I never intended actually on writing a book. It came out of my trip with Ashton Carter when I was going overseas. The original goal during that trip was for me to convey back home to as many military families as possible what I was experiencing as if they were there with me. 

 

And so during the trip, I was doing these very raw YouTube videos expressing all the emotions and all of the sensory things that I was experiencing on a daily basis to somehow give them something different than maybe their soldier had given them in the past. And how it was changing me because service members are trained up to do this, but it's different for a spouse to just impromptu go over. 

 

I was also writing these blogs that would kind of go with each day, but I very quickly was realizing I was taking in so much information and learning so much so fast that I could not contain it in a YouTube video or a blog. So much of that trip was changing me and changing my marriage and how I saw my husband and how I understood how he had come home different after that first deployment, that that's where it turned into a book. [00:39:41] 

 

I basically pulled it all together and sent it to the publisher and said, I don't know if you can make anything of this, but I think this is a book. To which their reply was, yes, get going. So the book actually was written in about a three-week span, which was almost like a Jackson Pollock crazy thing that I went through where I was in the basement writing in my office at the time and my husband's shoveling coffee to me constantly for about nine hours every day for about three weeks because I just felt this compulsion to get it out. 

 

But it really is a story of my experience on the trip. But it's also walking you through, as I'm going through this trip, kind of going back and thinking about my husband being on this deployment and how our marriage was changed, how I was changed, how he was changed, and how when he came home, there was such a gap even between us and our relationship because he had experienced things that I had never understood. 

 

There was no way I could, in my mind, regardless of how well he could tell the story, I couldn't be with him in Afghanistan. I couldn't experience the things that he had experienced. [00:40:46] And when he came home, I was different too. When he left, I didn't think that I could even take the kids to McDonald's without the kids throwing temper tantrums and me completely falling apart. 

 

By the time he came home, I had wrestled life into submission and had everything on lockdown. And so he came home to a completely different person too. Really, this trip opened my eyes to what changed in my husband, and it really allowed me to see the ugliness of myself and really realizing that some of the things that he had told me, such as that he felt like he had come home to an angry wife, which I had argued for years. I wasn't angry. I just was more independent. 

 

But really on this trip, things started to wake up within me where I realized, No, I actually think that I've been harboring a lot of resentment that life had gotten difficult. And I think every civilian can even relate to this as well. Sometimes you just hope that life is going to be awesome, and your marriage is going to be awesome, and the kids are going to be easy, and there's not going to be medical issues, and there's not going to be trauma, and there's not going to be family drama. [00:41:50] And then life happens. Illnesses happen. Disappointments happen. And it's so easy to find yourself with a river of resentment that starts going through, that's ripping you apart from those you love. 

 

And so this book is really about what changed in me because of this trip. And it's really a challenge to every person reading this book on what it means to reclaim and restore your marriage. 

 

Laura Dugger: And you are such a gifted writer and just fascinating to listen to. So if listeners want to follow up, where can they find you online? 

 

Corie Weathers: Yeah. So I actually have two websites. If you want to find out more about me, my website is Corie Weathers, just my name. It's C-O-R-R-I-E and then like the weather outside with an S. So corrieweathers.com. 

 

Then as an extension, I have the LifeGiver podcast, the LifeGiver app, and all kinds of resources. And that is also on life-giver.org is where you can find all of that as well. 

 

Laura Dugger: Wonderful. We'll link to those websites and your book in our show notes. Our podcast is called The Savvy Sauce because "savvy" is synonymous with practical knowledge or discernment. So as my final question for you today, what is your savvy sauce? [00:43:06] 

 

Corie Weathers: You know, I have to say, especially since I work with military families, it is know yourself and know what you need to do each day to be the best you. You are no good if you don't take care of yourself before you take care of other people. It's kind of that idea on the plane of put the mask on yourself first. 

 

I see so many people every day serving other people and sacrificing so much for other people at the destruction of themselves. So to me, what's most important is really all about know what you need each day, know how to communicate that each day, and be your own advocate to make sure that you are well. 

 

Laura Dugger: That's so helpful. I've really enjoyed our chat, so thanks for joining us today, Corie. 

 

Corie Weathers: Thank you, Laura. 

 

Laura Dugger: One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners and God is perfect and holy, so He cannot be in the presence of sin. Therefore, we're separated from Him. [00:44:13] 

 

This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior. But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute.

 

This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. 

 

We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. [00:45:16] 

 

So would you pray with me now? Heavenly, Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change their lives now for eternity. In Jesus name, we pray, amen. 

 

If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him, you get the opportunity to live your life for Him. 

 

At this podcast, we are called Savvy for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you're ready to get started?

 

First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision my parents took me to Barnes and Noble to get the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. Start by reading the book of John. 

 

Get connected locally, which basically means just tell someone who is part of the church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. [00:46:22] I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you. 

 

We want to celebrate with you too. So feel free to leave a comment for us if you made a decision for Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process. 

 

Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." The heavens are praising with you for your decision today. 

 

If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.