Episode 122 - Agreement & Commitment.

Welcome to this new episode on Agreement & Commitment. It's a little shorter than normal, because we're dealing with a very specific topic.

This one's been asked for by quite a few people, I think because of the times we're in at the moment. One, we're recording this at the beginning of the year. And so this is the time when everyone's got big plans, strategy documents and kickoffs. And they're keen that they get all their team behind the plan. So there's always discussion: Are the team nodding politely? Or are they really leaning in and getting this. And as we're still in lockdown, many of us are working remotely and so are our teams. Sometimes it's difficult to really understand the passion and the depth of feeling, people have about certain plans. When you can't look people in the eye and when you can't read their body language, sometimes it's more difficult to understand how behind the plan they are, how fully committed they are to the plan. How fully aligned they are with the plan. Do they agree with everything so far?

The key thing is that agreement and commitment are two very different things and the first step is being aware of what you are asking for – and also what is being asked of you.  Stephen explains the logic and pain in choosing accurate disappointment over inaccurate optimism. 

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More notes from the episode below.

Main definition: Agreement - we're on the same page in principle; Commitment - I will make a contribution, do something or take action. 

So agreeing with something doesn't necessarily mean you're going to do something. Whereas commitment is you're actually going to do something whether you agree or not. You can commit to doing something whether you agree or not.  And equally, you can agree with something, but have no intention of doing anything about it. So it's understanding the difference between the two: have you agreed? Or are you committed? And importantly, are you asking for agreement? Or are you asking for commitment

Sometimes we can get them mixed up. Sometimes we can assume. And sometimes we can project onto people. And so it's important that we understand the difference, we communicate the difference, and know what we're asking for. And that we check to make sure that we are both on the same page.   Are we looking for Agreement at this stage, or are we actually looking for a Commitment to do something. As long as we're specific about it, then we're connected, rather than being left exposed by making the wrong assumption about whether you wanted agreement or commitment. Or in reverse, I assume that all you wanted was agreement, but you actually wanted me to do something.

In sales conversations, the number of salespeople who will believe they've got commitment, because someone's agreed to something is the confusion you're talking about.

The “why” this is an important topic is to ensure that we're all on the same page, and we’re either not being let down or letting people down.

For some people, in some situations, agreement and commitment are the same thing. So if you agree to do it, you've also committed. For some people, in some situations, agreement and commitment will be two separate things. There can be agreement with no commitment, and there can be commitment with no agreement.

 

There are also risks that come if they’re not separated. So if you are someone who, when you agree to do something you always commit, then you can become either spread too thin by being overly committed to too many things. Or you can find yourself never committing because there was something that you couldn't agree on.

If you keep agreement and commitment as the same thing, the risk is that you then project onto other people that if they have agreed, then they must also have committed. And so when you go looking for it and they haven’t done it you’re left disappointed.

At an operational level you need understand that agreement and commitment are two distinct things and then being clear on which one you're looking for, and which one you're prepared to give. 

I know you don't agree with this, but could you do this for me? Now you're looking for commitment without that agreement. So understanding that they're distinct but knowing the relationship between the two and that connection between the two is important.

The people who find it difficult to say yes, even when it is a no-brainer, it’s obvious – used to frustrate me.  Over time I have started to realize that the people who are a little bit more difficult or not so quick to say yes, these tended to be the ones who were preferring to commit. So they have more questions on what it looks like. But the people who I thought were easy, the ones who would say yes, almost without thinking about it, were just saying Yes. So they were agreeable, had no intention of ever of committing to anything. So it was really easy for them to say Yes. Because they weren't bringing the value of commitment too.

 

Sometimes the prospect will be saying no. And the sales guy will be thinking, this doesn't make any sense. I've told you all of these amazing things. I know they're applicable to you.  Actually you’re saying it's not that that person saying I know that I do agree with your sales pitch. You were very agreeable, but if I say yes to it, in my head, I will actually have to commit to this, to going through with this.  And all that that means - changing supplier, culture change, the implementation and procurement chats. So even though I agree with your sales pitch, I'm not going to agree because the moment I say yes, that's a sign of commitment I have to have to follow through.  And then there are those clients and prospects who have agreement and commitment as two separate things will say yes but they won’t sign the deal. They're the ones clogging up your pipeline.

 

Agreement is more words. Commitment is more pictures in the mind.

The example that I use is when you say to someone “let's do lunch, let's get to know each other about more socially, in a relaxed different environment, let's go somewhere nice for lunch and get to know each other better. And they go yes we should until you've asked this sort of real key question, which is when? And if the answer is well, let me get back to you. Then, you know, lunch isn't happening anytime soon. Because the, the key difference between agreement and commitment is pictures. 

If I was to say to you when, what day of the week suits you best does breakfast or lunch. suit you better? What's your favourite restaurant, what type of food do you prefer? Now what tends to be better for your schedule. Now, if you have no answers to those questions it is because you have no pictures in your mind, which means you have no commitment. But if you have our Thursdays are good for me, as the breakfast is all better for me, then then lunch, because it's the start of my day. Love Italian food.  In fact that place around the corner from me is ideal. And normally the end of the month is when there’s more time to meet. Now I know we're going to have lunch. There's a commitment to that, not just agreement, in principle.

It's great to get a yes. – and so what you've got is agreement. And now you're only two or three questions away from knowing whether someone is agreeing, or if they’ve also committed. However one of the main reasons people don't ask those next questions is an emotional reason.  They want to believe.  We want to believe that if they've said yes, then they've also committed. However ‘Accurate Disappointment’ is far more valuable than ‘Inaccurate Optimism’. Even if it may be disappointing understanding where you are in terms of commitment it is better to know.

If someone doesn't commit today, it doesn't mean that they aren't going to commit going forward. Sometimes people need to be asked two or three times to get beyond agreement and to commitment.  They may agree with the concept, but not know you well enough or trust you well enough.  It could simply be the timing. But it's still better to have the accurate disappointment, because you can build upon that, rather than inaccurate optimism.

You can ask for both. Do not just ask for one and assume that the other will follow. Asking for both being specific. 

A lot of CEOs will present the business plan to the leadership team. And then they'll say what do you think? What they're asking for is Agreement. Not Commitment.  Commitment would be presenting the plan and then saying: 'Okay, this is what it is. So what are you now going to do with this?'

And so this especially, that makes sense. You see this lots of times where there's a big, glorious, beautiful, well designed, glitzy PowerPoint presentation. And at the end, everyone smiles and claps, enthusiastically.  And so the leader leaves the stage happy, because everyone gets it. But then comes the disappointment because the people in that room have agreed with it, they haven't committed to anything. And so typically that leader then assumes that they didn’t agree. And so he is going to explain it again or better. Because surely once they really agree, then they will commit.  He doesn't think it's a lack of commitment. He thinks it's a lack of agreement

If you're looking for a whole audience to commit, give them something that everybody can commit to doing. And at least then you've got everybody going beyond that line and moving from agreement and attaching a level of commitment to it.

What stops a lot of people committing is fear of the size of the commitment. What does this mean I’ll need to do?   Do I need to go and read books or to go on a course?  Do I need to do six hours a day on this?  All you're looking for them to understand a little bit more. So specify. By communicating in pictures, you're specifying what the commitment looks like, as opposed to getting emotional commitment, which is ‘count me in’ and then  'wait a minute, is that what it involves? I don't know if I can, I might need to withdraw'. So make sure that what you're getting is intelligent commitment, not just emotional commitment.

So if you're, if you've got a big strategy deck, is it about then just to get people going just to get the momentum going in? What will you get done by next Monday? And what's that going to involve? Who do you have in mind? What bits will you like and which bits not so much? What are you going to have to draw up to be able to do this? You’re specifying through pictures. And as I say, better to get the accurate disappointment of someone saying, I can’t do that.

So at an operational level, it's understanding that there's a distinction between agreement and commitment. The next level is to be clear on what you're asking for, and also what's being asked of you. And being clear on what you want to ask for, you don't always need to ask for both. And at a strategic level, it's influencing towards where you want it to get to.

Agreement and commitment. Two different, distinct things. Be sure you know what you're asking for. Are you asking other people for Agreement? Or are you asking them for Commitment?  Be clear on what other people are asking you for so you don't disappoint them, let them down, or overstretch yourself. And one of the key ideas is, when you want commitment, you make sure you're really getting it. Even if you go beyond the agreement, you really get a deep level of commitment. You really make sure that people understand what they're committing to. And help them by giving them something easy that they can commit to at first. I think this is important for so many different people. I see salespeople all the time, happily equate agreement to commitment. And sometimes it's just wishful thinking. Sometimes it just seems easy way. But you do see that those really excellent salespeople do understand the agreement is just part of it. And really what you're seeking for is commitment and commitment to a first step of action.