037: Real Talk: How to talk to your teen about sex, drugs, and peer pressure

Real Talk: How Do I Talk to My Teenager About Sex, Drugs, and Peer Pressure?  FREE PDF INLCUDED IN SHOW NOTES!

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Transcripts:

Please, oh please!  Let my child make good decisions next year when they are at college!

I get it.  I have a senior in High school too.  I am already terrified of my son facing the world, but as an Impactful Parent, I also know that I have to let go, and I can't avoid the difficult conversation of Sex, Drugs, and Peer Pressure.   This goes for you, too!   Being a good parent means preparing our children to leave the nest. Part of that preparation is having the uncomfortable talk about what inevitably lies ahead, so your child is ready. 

Let's break it down.  What do you need to talk about?  There are 3 big topics.  They are Sex, Drugs, and Peer pressure.   Why?  Because statistics show that changing environments, being alone, or feeling isolated can make people more vulnerable.  College has the potential to hit all 3 of these marks!  This vulnerability is amplified by a young person's need to be liked, fit in, and make friends.  Plus, if your child has low self-esteem, then the risk is even greater. 

I know that you might be thinking, "I already had the birds and bees talk with my child years ago, and we've talked about drugs and alcohol too." Well, I am here to tell you that you need to take those conversations further.  Now it is essential to talk about the social responsibility of sex and drugs.  Things like:

• What does responsible consumption look like, or responsible sexual activity?
• How to set boundaries.
• how to deal with peer pressure

Yep, I know!  Tough conversations!  So you might be saying, How Do I Talk to My Teenager About Sex, Drugs, and Peer Pressure?

Here are 10 tips for what to say and how this conversation should flow. 

Real Talk Tip 1: Start by telling them why you are sitting them down.  Say something like, "Being in a new environment where you want to fit in can push you to do things for the approval of others.  You are an adult now, and ultimately you are responsible for choices.  I want to help you get ready for the new peer pressures you are about to face.   Here are some tips, so you do not do anything regretful.

Real Talk Tip 2:  Practice saying no.  In your head, aloud, or with your friends, practice being assertive and saying no.  Roleplay it out in your mind how you will say no and what will happen.  Kids forget that they must talk not only with their words but also with their bodies.  Body language is what drives the point home.  Practice not only saying the words but standing tall and feeling confident. 

Real Talk Tip 3:  Make a plan before you get into a bad situation.   Decide what you will do if you go to a party and everyone wants you to drink or do drugs.  Decide what you will do if a guy touches you without asking.  Decide what you will do if your intoxicated and need to get home or out of a situation.   Decide what you will do if your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to take the relationship to a place, you are not comfortable with.     Please discuss lots of different scenarios with your child or explain to them that having a plan BEFORE they need helps keep them safe and sets them up for a more successful outcome.  

Real Talk Tip 4:  Decide your limits before you go.  What are you willing to do, and what do you want to avoid?   Knowing your boundaries BEFORE you put yourself in an environment where peers can pressure you to change your mind will help you keep your values and keep your integrity.   You do not want to make decisions at the moment.  That is how regretful actions happen.   Know your boundaries before you even step outside the door.

Real Talk Tip 5:  Be ready to leave.  Have a plan for leaving if the situation gets uncomfortable.   Hopefully, you will be with people who can do what they want and still respect you for your choices, but many times that is not the case.  You may have to leave even if you do not want to; parents are no longer an excuse to get out of the situation, so have another reason ready to go.  Maybe this is a friend. Perhaps this is a lie about being on medication so you cannot drink, but talk about possible excuses NOW with your child, so they do not fumble with their words later.

Real Talk Tip 6:   Pick your friends wisely.   Find friends with the same values and stick together.   Using the buddy system is a great way to get out of uncomfortable situations.  Have a friend that you trust. Be willing to watch over each other. 

Real Talk Tip 7:  Trust your gut.    Tell your child that if it does not feel right, then it is not right.  Your instincts are one of the best indicators for trouble.  Trust yourself and your intuition.

Real Talk Tip 8:   Consider how your actions can put you in a bad situation.  Please remind your child that they have the power to influence their environment.   Their choice of clothing, the way they act, what they consume, what they say, who they hang out with, …. All play a part in how their environment is created.   There are many moving parts to each situation we put ourselves in, but ultimately, little decisions can make considerable influences on how the day plays out. Do not discount those small choices that have the power to change outcomes.

Real Talk Tip 9:  It is ok to be alone and standing up for yourself can sometimes be lonely.   The world's most extraordinary people had to stand alone in their convictions before anyone would accept them and follow.   Reaffirm to your child that it is ok to go against the grain and be alone.  It just means they have not found their tribe yet.   Tell your child that being alone with integrity is much better than being accepted and regretting your actions.

Real Talk Tip 10:  Show you trust your child to make the right choices and that you have complete confidence in their future.   This is important.  A mistake that many parents make is having this conversation with a tone of I know you are going to mess up.  Instead, keep telling your child that you believe in them, and you have to talk about this so you can feel better about being an impactful parent, NOT because you don't trust their choices.   Your child is more likely to make better choices when you believe in them because you will be raising their self-confidence and standards.  Low self-confidence can lead to a self-fulling prophecy. 

I know this is not the conversation you want to have, but it is a conversation worth having!  And if these 10 tips today were not enough- I HAVE MORE!  Today, I am giving you a FREE PDF CHECKLIST of 50 Life Skills your child needs to learn before leaving home.  Get your free pdf by going to https://theimpactfulparent.com/50things.    It is our responsibility to prepare our child, and you are!  You are an impactful parent!  You got this!