24 - Men’s Guide to Divorce: Wisdom, Healing, and Growth with Jeff Kolez

Show Notes for Episode 24: "Men's Guide to Divorce: Wisdom, Healing, and Growth with Jeff Kolez"

Welcome to Episode 24 of the High Vibe Divorce Podcast, hosted by Melissa Wheeler Farag. In this transformative episode, Melissa sits down with Jeff Kolez, Divorce Recovery Coach and founder of DivorceDaddy.com, to discuss men's unique challenges and opportunities during and after divorce. With practical advice, deep insights, and a compassionate approach, this conversation is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand or support men navigating divorce.

Episode Highlights:

• Opening Affirmation: Melissa begins with an affirmation from Gabby Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie deck: “I cannot control the world, but I can control how I choose to perceive it.” This affirmation sets the tone for the episode, emphasizing personal responsibility and perspective.

• Meet Jeff Kolez, Divorce Recovery Coach:

  • Jeff shares his personal journey through a difficult divorce 13 years ago and how it inspired him to create DivorceDaddy.com, a resource and coaching service for men.

  • He discusses his mission to help fathers rebuild their lives, find emotional healing, and step into their role as intentional, authentic parents.

• Jeff’s Tenets of Divorce: Jeff’s wisdom for men includes actionable principles, such as:

  1. Divorce is war, but the war is within ourselves.

  2. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

  3. Winning at divorce happens outside the courtroom.

  4. Take full responsibility for everything happening in your life.

  5. The crop a relationship bears is more than children; it grows men, women, and societies.

  6. A father’s presence in his children’s lives is objectively beneficial.

  7. Find the gift in your divorce and use it to grow.

• The Importance of Emotional Work for Men:

  • Jeff highlights the value of emotional distance, awareness, and reconnecting with the heart.

  • He introduces the concept of "gray rocking" to manage high-conflict dynamics with an ex-spouse.

• Men’s Emotional Experience:

  • Melissa and Jeff discuss how societal norms often discourage men from expressing vulnerability, leading to anger and other misunderstood emotions.

  • They explore how men can embrace the emotional and spiritual growth opportunities that divorce presents.

• The Role of Fathers Post-Divorce:

  • Jeff shares compelling statistics on the positive impact of fathers in their children’s lives.

  • He encourages men to use the time away from their children to live inspiring lives and to document their love and presence through messages or videos.

• Practical Steps for Healing: Jeff outlines a five-step process to help men rebuild after divorce:

  1. Create emotional distance.

  2. Develop emotional awareness.

  3. Take full responsibility for your actions and choices.

  4. Reconnect with the heart through presence, nature, and movement.

  5. Take action to design and build your future.

Key Takeaways:

• Divorce is not the end—it’s an opportunity for transformation and growth.

• Fathers are essential to their children’s well-being and must actively participate in their lives.

• Healing from divorce requires a balance of emotional work, personal responsibility, and proactive planning.

About Jeff Kolez:

Jeff Kolez is a divorce coach and founder of DivorceDaddy.com. Through his work, Jeff empowers men to navigate the challenges of divorce, rebuild their lives, and become the best version of themselves for their children and society.

Jeff's bio (in his own words): My name is Jeff. I’m awake now. For a long time I lived in a fog. Those were dark days.
A toxic marriage turned into an even worse divorce, throwing me into a fight I wasn’t prepared for. I lost. A lot.
I was slandered. I left my home with nothing but the clothes on my back.
I was trying to face a heart problem with my head, which is why life didn’t make sense.
Once I understood that, I had a choice. I could either become a victim or learn how to win.
I chose to win.
Now, I have a great relationship, a strong bond with my kids, and I’m living my purpose. I’m building a legacy and embracing the grand adventure of life.
I created Divorce Daddy to help others follow the same path.

Connect with Jeff:

• Website: Divorce-Daddy.com

• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@jeffkolez

• Instagram: @rebuildwithdivorcedaddy

About Melissa Wheeler-Farag:

Melissa is a family law mediator and host of the High Vibe Divorce Podcast. Through her mediation practice and podcast, she helps individuals turn divorce into an empowering and transformative experience.

Connect with Melissa:

• Website: HighVibeMediation.com

• Instagram: @HighVibeDivorce

Call to Action:

If you found this episode helpful, please:

• Subscribe to the High Vibe Divorce Podcast on your favorite platform.

• Leave a review to help others discover the show.

• Share this episode with a friend or loved one who might benefit from it.

Until next time, keep the vibes high and the conflict low!