10: Why Does Conflict Go Badly With My Partner, And What Can We Do Differently?

Every couple (and relationship) has conflict. Many times, we don't act how we want to or may feel like we turn into a different version of ourselves when conflict happens. For example, we may rage or withdraw, we may shut down or move into people pleasing.

Often, when we have an oversize reaction to the situation at hand, it is because of information from our history or family of origin that is getting tugged on (even if we aren't aware of it).

This episode dives into Terry Real's work (he is the founder of Relational Life Therapy). We explore the parts of us that often take over during conflict or when our bodies and brains are perceiving something as unsafe, and we talk about what we can do to have healthier, more constructive conflict and connection with our partner.

Resources:

I want to be closer to my partner! - this PDF download gives research-backed actionable ideas of what to do and what not to do in your relationship to nurture the relationship. It also includes a curated list of further reading and podcast episodes by experts in the field of romantic relationships.

Terry Real's Time Out Rules

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