Fuck You Friday Reboot - Inaugural Knobbies

🎙️ Knobby Awards and Media Critique
We kicked things off by christening our very first “Knobby Awards,” and guess who snagged Best Spaceflight? Bobby nominated the Blue Origin space flight for a Knobby, criticizing the media's coverage and the lack of qualifications of some of the participants compared to real astronauts. Angel provided information on the rigorous requirements to become a NASA astronaut, highlighting the need for a STEM master's degree and relevant experience. Jay expressed frustration with the comparison of contemporary space travelers to real astronauts like Neil Armstrong and John Glenn. Thanks Blue Origin, for giving us the thrill of orbit without the NASA price tag. We then unleashed our inner hecklers on pop culture, roasting Netflix for its “color-by-numbers” casting choices and finger-pointing at the press for playing peekaboo with President Biden’s medical file. Even the Democrats couldn’t escape—snap! they scored a Knobby for their “blink-and-you’ll-miss-it” debate performances and media love-fest.

📈 Political Roast and Business Brief
Next up, Jay dragged the Democrats through the mud for dropping the electoral ball and giving male voters the cold shoulder—though he did tip his hat to Bill Clinton’s glory days (because even a roast needs a little baste). We threw shade at outfits like Vice and BuzzFeed, dubbing them the worst offenders in the clickbait circus. And in a plot twist worthy of daytime TV, Bobby announced his online store will take a three-month sabbatical starting June 25th—downgrading to a lean, mean, five-product free model.

🏞️ River Personhood Awareness Campaign
Finally, Jay regaled us with the tale of Meg, the brave soul who legally married a river in England to save it from pollution (talk about going with the flow!). Meg’s portrayal of their watery bond veered between spiritual spa retreat and soggy sitcom, and we couldn’t decide whether to applaud or chuckle. Stay tuned—Meg might just paddle her way onto our next episode for an exclusive wet and wild interview!