The Power of Destructive Messages

2023-10-22

“You're not good enough!” may be the exact words that you hear from an outwardly arrogant overt narcissist. But the covert narcissist won’t say this directly. They in fact will say to you, “you are too good for me,” while they make you feel worthless. “You’re too good to me,” followed with days of ignoring you. Lost in video games and their phone, paying no attention when we talk to them, ignoring and not answering. You certainly don’t feel too good. In fact, you feel not good enough. “You don’t deserve me!” yells a more overtly narcissistic person. ...

“You’re too good to me,” followed with days of ignoring you. Lost in video games and their phone, paying no attention when we talk to them, ignoring and not answering. You certainly don’t feel too good. In fact, you feel not good enough.

“You don’t deserve me!” yells a more overtly narcissistic person.

The covert narcissist - they quietly say, “I don’t deserve you,” triggering our desire to prove to them that they do. That they are valuable and valued. An endeavor that is not achievable, causing us to pour so much effort into them while they continue to feed off all of our energy.

The destructive messages of a covert narcissist are so subtle. You don't see it coming, and often are not even aware of it for quite some time. So we bounce back and forth between “he loves me, he loves me not” or “she loves me, she loves me not.” Along with this, we bounce between “this is their fault, this is my fault, their fault, my fault.” “I’m a good person, I’m not a good person.” Back and forth we go!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.