Politics Sex and Religion P.5

 

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This is a touchy subject… no pun intended. If I say wives should submit to husbands sexual appetites so that they are not tempted - it makes woman feel like just a end to a means… basically an object for a mans affection with no real connection. Men will rah rah and women will feel as if I am betraying them. If I tell men that women are to be treated with love and respect and you are to care for them as your own bodies - Men might worry that it empowers their wife to say no to sex and feel justified… Even use it as a weapon.

Now both premises are correct in scripture. Yes women are to give themselves to their husbands so they do not fall into temptation…

And yes men are to love their wives and serve them even if that means saying no to their own sexual desires…

so what are we to do? 

Well I think the insight comes from the Apostle Paul who says men and women should submit to one another and throws in this little catch “men love your wives as Christ loved the church”. he does not say “oh and wives love your husbands as Christ loved the church”.

 

I think if one looks at the balance of Scripture it shows that a mans sex drive when ruled by the overarching principles of scripture make it clear that he may not get all the sex he wants and in fact it might be the one thing that really causes him to push into God.

 

If a man who really wants to be like Christ is having little if none sex with his wife, he has 3 choices: give into lust ie. porn or an affair, Pout and sulk and try to punish his wife, Or push into God and realize that satan would love to use this powerful motive in our lives to keep us from growing in our faith - so we instead push into God even more.

 

The truth is that God has in some ways earned the right to tell us what to do… he died for us, he empowers us, he lived for us, he died for us and he continues to do so even when we do not serve him 100%. What am I trying to say? Men we are to be like Christ to our wives. Paul said that it is Gods kindness that leads us to repentance. Might your unmet needs in the bedroom be a catalyst that causes you to earn your wife’s love, devotion and body in bed. 

Are you Jesus to your wife? 

Have you earned the right into her bed and her body by how you love her, woo her, make her feel appreciated, put your confidence in her, physically be affectionate with her, speak life to her… make her feel safe not just physically but emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Emotionally… she can share her fears and hopes with you.

Mentally… you won’t call her stupid or belittle her

Spiritually… she knows you seek God and choose to follow his leading.

 

Look the truth is that when Kim and I have gone seasons without sex… and trust me due to health issues we have gone almost a year (a couple times) without sex… and it was the best thing for both of us. I had to hunker down and seek God in new and revealing ways.

 

But the flip side is my wife does feel safe physically, mentally, spiritually emotionally with me. I have earned the right into her bed and body… and even if I have earned it and she shuts me down… what a great way to practice Gods grace not only to her  but also in my own life trusting God will empower me to focus on him and not on my libido. Believe it or not… you can get sexually frustrated and fail in faith - or you can get focused on faith and be more like Christ and in turn draw your wife affection to you more than ever.

 

now will this work 100% of the time… not always, but it is still the right thing to do. You may in fact never have sex with your wife again… and guess what? Gods grace can get you through it and even use it for his good and your blessing if you give it to him.