Your Holiday Stress Guide

  Every year, Christmas carols promise joy and magic. But for many people, they're just soundtracks to the silent screams of stress.  Today, we're turning those festive tunes into a real survival guide to take you from bah humbug to fa la la la la la la la la.

And it's gonna be fun.

  I'm Dr.Vickie Petz Kasper. I'll give you practical steps to start your own journey toward better health because healthy looks great on you.  

 Have yourself a merry little Christmas. You may be thinking, yeah right. There's shopping, and eating, and staying up late, and people. People. Though connection is crucial, some people clearly belong on Santa's naughty list. And they get seated right next to you at the dinner party.

Today, I'm going to give you a survival guide that will help you have a holly jolly Christmas this year. Because, even when you're singing Joy to the World, all that rockin around the Christmas tree can turn into a big crash. And I'm not talking about Grandma getting run over by a reindeer. You know, that song is pretty disturbing if you think about it.

And while you might not be worried about a collision with a four legged beast with antlers, you probably can make a list of things that bring stress instead of comfort and joy. Let's start with those weeks leading up to the holidays. I started decorating the day after Thanksgiving singing to myself, It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

When I put it back in the attic, I'll sing, It's beginning to look a knot like Christmas.  I know, I know, my kids would say, I just set off the corn o meter. Ding, ding, ding, ding.  But let's face it, decorating and planning sets us up for festive fatigue right at the outset of the season.

Yes, of course, it's the most wonderful time of the year and How's that working to set unrealistic expectations? What happens if the illusion of everyone else having a blast only magnifies what you're really feeling?  It's a setup for disappointment. Like a kid who asked for a trampoline and got a history book for Christmas.

And speaking of Santa Claus coming to town, there's some pressure. Gotta be good, or you'll get a lump of coal in your stocking.  Do you hear what I hear?  Sometimes we hear sleigh bells ring ring ringing and jing jing jinging, but sometimes we hear snippy comments and conflict, all because I'll be home for Christmas.

Which may involve travel, and frankly, being around people you don't particularly like. Being pulled in so many directions you feel like a gingerbread man about to break apart.  If you missed the episode on navigating connections during the holidays, I really want you to meet my fictional Aunt Edna. She's a hoot.

Now, if you're like me, this year we've been dashing through the snow.  Actually, it's been so warm we've rarely even worn a coat, and we don't have a one horse open sleigh, but we do have a golf cart. But literally, my social calendar has been as full as Santa's pack when he leaves the workshop. 

I'm an extrovert, so I love it. But, as a result, my sleep is off, I've gained three pounds from eating Christmas crack, and no, I am not going to share that recipe, and it's not a whole food, and it's not plant based,  and Jingle Bell Rock, it needs to happen at the gym, but honestly, I feel like I need to sleep in.

 This month is halfway over and there are only a few days left to finish my shopping. And silver bells sound like, Cha ching!  Cha ching!  Whether you're braving crowds or surfing the internet to find the perfect gift for all the people in your family.

Your credit card is asking for at least one silent night.  And maybe you're dreaming of a white Christmas, longing for days gone by when your stocking was full of walnuts and oranges. Things were simpler then. Nostalgia is sweet, but let's face it, our minds tend to idealize the past and sometimes what we really need to do is let go and embrace the present. 

And speaking of presents, whether all you want for Christmas is your two front teeth or peace on earth, managing holiday stress is important. Now, you've already been to mini medical school and you know that stress causes increased cortisol levels, compromises your immune system, causes upset stomach, and disrupts your sleep. And that's just the physical stuff.

Anxiety and depression symptoms increase, and the Polar Express brings emotional exhaustion with brain fog pumping out the smokestack.  If you missed the class on how stress increases your risk for cardiovascular disease and pretty much everything that you wouldn't wish for, there's a link in the show notes. 

But if you're navigating complex family relationships, trying to avoid conflict and triggers, or Feeling social pressure to attend all the parties, or if you're feeling left out by all the perfect celebrations on social media, or you have FOMO and you always say yes, plus you have to get up and go to work the next day, or if you're feeling the financial strain of too much shopping, this is the episode for you. 

Since this is a lifestyle medicine podcast, let's take a quick peek into the packages and see what lifestyle factors contribute to more holiday stress.  Unhealthy coping mechanisms.  Overindulgence in alcohol and unprocessed food, especially sugar, which increases inflammation and maybe just maybe that's why your joints are hurting more.

Comfort eating. Don't be like Santa and feel obligated to eat the cookies just because they're on a plate in front of you. Avoiding exercise because you were up too late wrapping presents or watching Hallmark movies. And you know what that holiday mythology about perfect holidays can do? Set up unrealistic expectations.

The comparison trap is like the Grinch stealing the Christmas tree and comparison is the ultimate thief of joy.   Irregular sleep patterns because you're reviewing your grocery list or your shopping list instead of dreaming of sugar plums dancing in your head. 

By the way, if you want to learn more about how to turn off your mind and turn on restorative sleep, then I have a free cheat sheet for you. There's a link in the show notes. 

Another thing is poor boundary setting.

Some people just have difficulty saying no, so they overcommit. They're the people pleasers. Any of that sound familiar to you? Well, here's your holiday survival guide. We're going to look at practical tips to keep you from turning into Scrooge. Let's start with bills. No, not bells, bills. You know, electric bills, and mortgage payments, and gas, and groceries.

I just want to remind you, those bills aren't going to take a holiday break, so Obviously, you don't want to spend money that you need.  And let me tell you a story. One year before Christmas, I asked my kids to name their top three favorite gifts from the previous Christmas. Try it. See what kind of answers you get.

Most of the time, they can't even name one. Unless we spend it on an experience, rather than a tangible gift. And I highly recommend that, but listen, experiences can be expensive. So, survival tip number one is, it helps to have a holiday spending budget.  You need an emotional budget too, but we'll get to that in a bit.

First, finances. There are budgeting apps you can use, you can put those on your phone.  You might think about dividing your spending into categories and setting limits for each. And when it comes to gifts, remember, three was enough for Jesus, it's enough for your little one too.

Or, if you want to splurge, use the four gift rule. Something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read.  Let me give you some advice about a common mistake. Do you think that you have to spend the same amount on everyone?  Listen, this is a never ending merry go round of trying to even it up.

And I hope my kids are secure enough in our relationship to know that if I spend more on one than the other, it's not a reflection of anything except that I only bought what I thought they really wanted.  And what about family gifts? You know how everyone money launders gift cards for all those teenage boys in your family?

It's kind of silly and we quit doing it years ago. No gifts for anyone except immediate family and that has made the holiday season so much more enjoyable. We play games instead of exchanging gifts.  But if you think you can't give it up completely, try some homemade gifts, like a scrapbook, homemade jelly, or if you're handy with a hammer, maybe a birdhouse.

It's so much more meaningful. And it won't be forgotten by next year. Or maybe do a Santa gift exchange with a reasonable spending limit. Or if you really like each other, plan an experience together.   And if you need a small gift, you might want to buy my book, Dressing the Wound, Give Yourself the Gift of Forgiveness.

It's a short book I wrote, and it's available on Amazon for about 5. There's a link in the show notes. Another idea is to donate to charity in someone's name. Yes, it still costs money, but it takes the pressure off of searching for something for hours, spending money, and then wondering if they're even going to like it. 

You could also give the gift of yourself and services. Offer to babysit or cook a meal.  Now, it's a little late for this strategy, but it might help to start early and spread out your expenses over the year. Hey, you could even start right after Christmas this year and hit the sales for next year. One thing you need to watch for.

Sometimes you buy a little along the way and then you forget, so you buy more. So keep track of it.  And there are ways to save money. Often, if you're shopping online, you can get discounts for signing up for their email list. Speaking of email list, are you on mine? If not, sign up and you'll get a discount on the next podcast episode. 

Just kidding. The podcast is free for you, but I do have lots of bonuses for  subscribers.  Cashback programs. I use Rakuten. You can earn points by using a credit card and set it so that you pay it off automatically at the end of each month or you might end up spending more in interest and it's a good way to get in over your head quickly. 

 Practice saying no to unnecessary spending and focus on meaningful connections over material gifts. But listen, give. There are so many people struggling to make Christmas happen for their kids and there are elderly people in nursing facilities who are in need.

 Christmas is a time to give a year end gift to missions, your church, or a charitable organization. It is truly more blessed to give than receive.  And in addition to a financial plan and budget, you need to manage your physical, mental, and emotional energy too.

And part of that involves navigating relationships and communication.  Can I just be honest for a sec?  I totally failed at this one this week. So, this advice, it's for me. But, I suspect you could use it too. Tip number two for your holiday stress guide is set expectations. You know, blessed are those who expect nothing because they're never disappointed.

Okay Eeyore, let's just be realistic. We all have expectations and they can lead to more conflict. The goal is to set realistic expectations and to clearly communicate those expectations. In advance. This requires a conversation. You can do it on the phone, in person, or you might even try an email thread or a family group text to have a discussion in advance about expectations, limitations, and boundaries.

This needs to be non confrontational and the language should be neutral and collaborative.  Man, I wish I would have had this guide earlier this week.   After your better than I did discussion, send a follow up gentle reminder message outlining the plans you agreed on.

Provide context for your decisions and offer alternatives when possible. And once you've set realistic expectations, It's time to establish boundaries. Be clear and be kind. Use I statements and explain your personal needs without blaming someone else. Remember, this isn't a wish list for Santa's elves.

This is trying to connect with the people you love. So provide rationale for your boundaries and again, offer compromise where appropriate.  None of this is a guarantee there won't be conflict. So let's look at some conflict resolution strategies.  Active listening techniques go a long way. When you're listening, you need to look like you're listening, and you need to act like you're listening.

This is super important. Tip number three is communicate. Probably most of us have finished all of our Santa shopping only to hear our little darling declare that their most wanted Christmas wish wasn't even on our radar. The problem with communication is making the mistake of thinking that it actually happened.

Learn to listen.  It helps to reflect, repeat back what you've heard, ask clarifying questions, show genuine interest and validate other people's feelings with phrases like, I understand why this is important to you, I can see why you might feel that way, and your feelings are valid. Emotional intelligence comes into play, but everyone's not playing on the same field.

So recognize your own underlying emotions and separate intent from impact you see, we tend to judge others by our intentions and then we judge others by their actions. Don't assume you know what someone is thinking. Avoid defensive responses and practice empathy.  It takes practice. This doesn't always work, so

if you do get into a difficult conversation, try to de escalate by maintaining a calm, soft voice without accusatory language. And if the tension really rises, take a break. Try to find common ground. Try to find a win win solution, but be willing to compromise and focus on preserving the relationship because that's what really matters. 

Tip number four is budget your energy. Over commitment leads to overstressed.  Learn to say no, but do it politely. I appreciate the invitation, but I won't be able to make it this year.  Now, let's talk about physical well being. Tip number five. As much as possible, try to maintain your routine. Your routine for eating, sleeping, exercising, and managing stress.

I know, I know, trust me, I've seen the big hand on the six and the little hand on the ten twice as often as normal just this week. But, I've also felt the effects. Try to maintain your movement or exercise routine and don't forget nutrition. Listen, the most important advice I can give you is start your meal with fiber.

It's critical for gut health and it helps even if you're going to eat those bacon wrapped crackers afterwards. And remember, sleep matters. Sleep hygiene can help unless you already suffer from insomnia. Then, maybe not so much. You're going to want to stay tuned for the next series. It's going to be on sleep. 

If you need a resource, visit my website and grab that tip sheet on how to turn off your mind.  All six pillars of lifestyle medicine have an impact on your holiday attitude. Let's wind up this series with this focus on stress. And we've already discussed managing expectations and setting boundaries with your time and energy.

Now, let's look at some practical tips for regulating your emotions. Tip number six. Since we're using Christmas carols to frame this episode, how about singing to relieve stress and reset your mood? 

I'd like to read you a text I got from my son in law. With his permission, of course.   Hopefully this time I can read it without choking up. 

He was talking about his oldest son, my little grandson. And he said, we like to shut off all the lights, put the Christmas tree in the fireplace, and play Christmas songs. He asked me for a special one tonight. Not a Grinch one, lol. There's one that stands out. It's not catchy or particularly memorable, but my grandpa loved it.

He used to look like he was a thousand miles away when he played it on a vinyl record. He told me on Christmas Eve, 1944, he had gotten a letter that one of my grandma's brothers, his future brother in law, was unaccounted for at the Battle of the Bulge.  Another brother was at Bastogne, with the 101st Airborne and the 3rd was in the Philippines.

His unit sat down to eat and this song played and they were all choked up.  Just a bunch of 20 something year olds trying to hide it. A few weeks later, he'd start prepping for D Day. Most of those men didn't make it.  He said, oddly, Christmas was simpler, a reminder of God's blessings. of family and home.  I thought of it last week and sat downstairs at your house one night and after everyone went to bed, listened to it. 

It was nice to be home with y'all. 

Okay, I got choked up a little,  but if you're like me and you can't sing, listen to music. And tip number seven is  remember to breathe.  There are some specific breathing exercises that help manage stress. The 4 7 8 breathing method where you inhale for four seconds.  Hold your breath for 7 seconds,  exhale slowly for 8 seconds. 

Repeat this if you're feeling overwhelmed or do the box breathing technique where you inhale for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds. And you know what?

Even if you can't hit the high notes of heavenly peace, sing anyway.  Tip number eight is read the Christmas story and meditate on its truths and pray.  And tip number nine is  practice gratitude. You want to know why we always recommend practicing gratitude?  Because gratitude equals contentment.

And I can hardly think of anything that alleviates the stress of the holidays more than contentment. Be content with the gifts you buy and content with the gifts you receive.  Love the home you have and all that is in it, including the people.  Accept the family you have. Not the family you wish they were.

When you don't feel grateful, take a walk. God reveals his very self to us in nature, and that goes a long way in resetting your mindset.  

I hope you'll follow me into the new year.

We're going to start 2025 by focusing on a good night's sleep,  but we're going to keep focusing on all the pillars of lifestyle medicine. You are such a blessing to me. 

Tip number 10. Don't get overwhelmed. Don't overindulge, but don't miss the moments. Keep Christmas simple. Sit on the stairs, turn off the lights, listen to music, but also embrace the opportunities.

 Like eating the toffee that my neighbor gave me yesterday. After all, it's Christmas and managing expectations may mean making some exceptions. The bottom line is, stress is inevitable during the holidays. You cannot avoid it, but you can manage it. It's a skill that can be learned, but like any skill, It takes repetition and practice.

So if you cry and pout, give yourself some grace because it is a wonderful life. Really? Because though there's no miracle on 34th street, there is a miracle. That is the reason for the season. And don't forget, that's what we're really celebrating.  The birth of Jesus brings perfect peace. He came to earth to do for us what we can't do for ourselves.

So, hark the herald, angels sing, glory to the newborn king, peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled. Have a merry, healthy Christmas because healthy looks great on you.  

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