One of the most common misconceptions regarding the assessment of someone's character is the manner in which they think of themselves and their accomplishments in life. However, there is a fine line between confidence in your abilities and expressions of arrogance. That is precisely what we discuss in this episode of BTP as we contrast it with the feature of modesty which can be indeed a virtue when done in moderation.
Episode Transcript...
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
modesty, arrogant, arrogance, people, modest, brag, black belt, talking, confident, achieve, life, hand, self esteem, leaders, insecure, success, achievements, confidence, inspire, express
Pouya LJ 00:08
Hello, ladies, gentlemen, welcome back to yet another episode of The BTP podcast. As always, I'm joined with Daniel Morgan. How's it going,
Dan 00:16
buddy? What's up guys? What's up Blue Jays, life is great and awesome. I'm so happy to be here with you basically, life is as always amazing. We're now going through the final phase phases basically of this goddamn pandemic. But the Delta variant is still causing some disturbances. But as always, I'm optimistic and life is good. Just waiting for life to move to where it was. And believe me, it will happen. All right, that's okay. Good, good. Confidence, tone, man. That was like a confidence tone.
Pouya LJ 00:50
Exactly. Not only confidence, it was very optimistically confidence. So I like that so lovely. All right, good. Good. I'm very happy to hear that. All right. So okay, today's topic we're talking about. So last week, we talked about to weaken per tooth, you know, phenomenon is called minimalism and luxury. Now recovering to other phenomena is called modesty. And arrogance. So modesty versus arrogance. So what do you make of it? How how much modesty is good, how much arrogance is good? And whereas, which are more important? Yeah, sorry, go ahead.
Dan 01:26
I see before I go ahead and give my assessment, I will actually ask you please find each of these because sometimes people don't know what modesty actually is. Like if someone right forever, perhaps does not, for example, want to have big ambitions, that he's modest. That's not modesty. That's passivity. So let's first go ahead and define properly for our listeners, what modesty and basically, arrogance actually are. So why don't you go to do that for our listeners?
Pouya LJ 01:53
Yeah, absolutely. That's a good point, because we need to get our definitions straight. So yeah, let's, let's say what we're talking about modesty, we basically mean that, it doesn't mean that you're not achieving anything, or you don't want to achieve anything, it doesn't mean that you're not ambitious. what it entails is essentially, you are, you're you are comfortable with not, you know, expressing your your your achievements or your desire to achieve as much as an arrogant person does, or, or, on the other hand, you can you can define it as you are realizing your own limitations within your within your capabilities. And that sense, that sense of realizing those limitation gives you a calm about your position.
Dan 02:42
So you're literally
Pouya LJ 02:44
on the other hand, arrogance, it portrays the opposite behavior, right? arrogance actually goes overboard, like you're achieving 10, then you're bragging, 12, or you're capable, interesting, or you're capable of 1210, but you're not aware of it, and you're going overboard and claiming 15. So that is how I see it, unless you have a slightly different discourse, what
Dan 03:07
you're saying is absolutely true. I just want to add a few points. Mises, D. modesty, basically, as we have noted, basically, it's simply your ability to keep your lips basically accolades to yourself, you see, whatever social success, whatever, you know, personal things, when you keep it to yourself, you're modest. So for example, let's say you have just won the grants for a major, let's say, Blue Origin type of research, because you're a cool astrophysicist from University of Toronto. Now, if you don't tell the whole world about it, including your answer doesn't even know what basically Jeff Bayes actually means. Then you're not exactly very much. So modesty just means you are happy with your success, you keep it to yourself, you don't really share it. Now, arrogance, as you said, well areas isn't just isn't only about you know, showing off, it's more about your attitude towards other people. Those who are arrogant, do not see themselves as superior, so much as they see others as inferior. And they make sure they they know that that right. So that basically they are putting others down, basically. Right. And that's called arrogance. And I believe that both approach, as you probably know, are not in my approaches. Why? Let me explain a moment. If you're so modest, but he achieved a lot of things, give it to yourself. And then you simply can never promote yourself to acquire more success, and others might actually not know what you're up to. So you might actually miss out on a lot of opportunities. If you tell the world that Yeah, I got this great man. Maybe they actually joined forces with you know, far better people to actually have a great lunch. I think they're handing it all to yourself. Yeah, it's easy. I mean, there's nothing noble about now, no modesty because it's easy. Just keep your mouth shut. That's it. You're modest with us. Not gonna necessarily help you achieve a lot of the goals you want to achieve in life, because you are not going to be able to attract enough attention to promote yourself to gain better opportunities and arrogance. Well, that's the sign of lack of self esteem. arrogant people are not show offs. They are those who show up to put others down. You see, if you have, for example, a Lamborghini and it came shown that on your social media story, like oh, check it out. Oh, I'm in my lambos By the way, guys, I'm talking to you. Yeah, I'm going to work now. I'm going to buy my groceries now. What do these things? Honestly projects? How do you feel? I mean, because these feelings are universal. When you see someone intentionally shows off the Lambo in every single store, and every single thing constantly talks about the color of my Lambo. What feeling do you have for this gentleman or lady?
Pouya LJ 05:51
Oh, I just feel like blocking them because I want to exterminate this post from my feed.
Dan 05:57
Because it's not attractive, man knows not attractive. Because we feel like oh, this guy's either lying, or he got it from his daddy, or he's actually faking it, or he's renting it. Because people who are confident in their success, they don't need to always brag about it. So I am not a fan of bragging. I'm not a fan of keeping it to yourself. Now people should do know, basically, if you're a big shot, but ultimately do you want to treat your success for you? or for other people, it's actually relevant a little bit to that luxury versus minimalism. And that when you are not an arrogant person, you don't necessarily need to bring others down. Just because I am rich doesn't mean that others should, you know, suffer looking at my Lambo when they have problems eating. So that reason, I believe that the best approach as always inspired by that, because when you tell others of your ambitions, others people say like, you know, what, why don't I have such ambitions? What does he have that I don't have? And the answer is always nothing, whatever anybody else has, including Jeff Bezos, you have it too. And imagine Jeff Bezos says, like, you know what, guys, I'm going to a trip. I can't tell you exactly what it is. But it's a very long trip. And it was going way up, way up way up. And I'm not talking about like, you know, going to these Fiji Islands. And people are like, Dude, what the hell are you talking about man? because in that case, but people that inspire others, so by sharing your greatness, you actually inspire the world. And let everybody know, dude, this guy came from a very poor background, and he's got all of these things, right? So by sharing your greatness, you actually can treat other people. But there's a huge difference between sharing your missions and accomplishments, versus being arrogant, and bringing others down and bragging to them, like, oh, check out my call, check out my watch, and so on. Yeah, I
Pouya LJ 07:58
think I understand what you mean. And well, I guess, I think is easier to dispute. And, you know, we all know arrogant people in our lives if you're not one. And we know how annoying they can be and how unattractive it is. and all that. modesty, though, I agree with you that it is still the same boat, like you don't want to be 100% modest either. But it has, especially in some culture, it has certain positive characteristics. So Biden by by, you know, by the fact that you are modest, you're getting some social points essentially, though, for you to me, but but for you to exhibit that I am modest, somebody needs to know something immodest about you and then know that you're trying to not brag about it. So it's impossible to be completely modest and everybody knows about it. By nature. So let's let's try and let Now again, I completely agree I you need to sit and that's why I mentioned that you cannot be 100% modest when people know about it, that's just impossible to do just think you don't you don't accomplish shit so. So that's that's that. But is there any place that we can't actually say, say good things about modesty? Is there any benefits in any circumstances?
Dan 09:17
moderation in all things and all things in moderation. As you mentioned earlier? If you are someone who does not overly, you know, basically exaggerate your accomplishments, this actually shows your level of self esteem. Understand, if you really don't need to bring others down to make yourself feel good as arrogant people do, then you do not need to always say like, Oh, please, please tell me how great I am. Because I know who I am. These things oftentimes stem from lack of self esteem and self confidence, and to the degree to which you are confident about yourself. And especially in those areas, because you have to be very confident when it comes to let's say your professional achievements, but very I don't know, perhaps insecure about your success, I don't know what your health or fitness or I don't know what your relationships with the opposite gender. So it is very possible to be quite confident about your money, but very, you know insecure about your wife's like, Oh gosh, I don't want to show it to any of my friends. It's not the wife of a friggin millionaire, Oh, shit. So in that situation, you have to actually look at your life as a whole. And realize, in all those areas where you are more secure about yourself, you generally tend to somehow not want to show off. So I mean, I don't know, some people just don't have a desire to show off how rich they are, because they know they're rich. And I want to thank those who are really rich, as opposed to those who don't take photos of their lambos, 25 times a day. They are the people who actually are rich. That's why it's like, so what's the point? I don't want to show up because I know I'm rich, what's the point. But for that reason, to the guy who's insecure about his, for example, fitness, now puts others down for being fat, or the guy who's in Serrano, some job, they put others down in the same career. So it really comes down to your overall level of self esteem and self confidence. And generally, those who are more confident they tend to be usually more modest. Right, right.
Pouya LJ 11:21
No, no, that makes a lot of sense. And I think that I think people pick up on that, you know, it's then and that's why I wanted to get at about modesty is that in moderation, as you mentioned. Now, there are certain times as you said, that it pays off to actually share your accomplishments. And I'm not saying bragging about them, per se. You know, you're you're in a social event you're talking is like, oh, what do you do I do this, and I've gone done that and etc. And now you can be proud of it. No problem. You don't have to brag about it, you can still be proud of it. Just imagine
Dan 11:53
you projects, being arrogant when it comes to some talks about, you know, these spaceflights all that like, oh, man, this guy went to sit and like, so let me tell you something about the science behind that your little shit. As a matter of fact, this whole thing has to go to the or from this angle, like, I'm just guessing something like this. But do you actually practice arrogance at all boutiques?
Pouya LJ 12:12
You know, we all have our down moments, I think, and maybe I have done that. But I do my utmost to control that side of me. But again, I'm not shy to be proud of something I accomplished, or something I know. And I distinguished from being in being arrogant about it, you know, meaning that, you know, I know this, and I feel good about it. But it doesn't mean that you can't, it doesn't mean that this is unique to me, or a few people like me, meaning I'm capable, and you're not, it just means that I have done my studies, and I have paid attention to this or that. And I have accumulated this knowledge and I know about it, that's, that's so in, in this specific sense. I mean, you can talk, you can say the same thing about, you know, something in business and income and, you know, worth of how much money you have. So you can say similar things. So in that sense, I think I distinguish being proud about your accomplishments or your knowledge, or whatever it is, versus being arrogant about it. As you said, arrogance is kind of about, you know, putting others down, meaning I have this in a way, but but then, but then it doesn't stop there. It goes to say I'm unique, and you're unable to actually achieve this, or accomplish this, or do this or know this, etc. So it has that element of I am able and you're not the kind of thing that I don't like, personally, because on the other hand, I'm a teacher, I know what people are capable or given the, you know, the right platform, the right, you know, scenery, to express themselves and to develop themselves grow, you know, do business, etc. So, so in that sense, I try to, I think I'm leaning towards a modest side, but again, sometimes I'm, I'm proud of my own, you know, achievements, accomplishments, because, you know, it takes it takes takes a lot takes, takes a lot of work and sleepless nights to study some of these topics that you're speaking of specifically. So I'm like, you know, I think I earned my brownie points, I'm gonna I'm gonna spend them some of them to feel good. So yeah, I think i think that i think that's the that's where I, where I lie in that in that spectrum. And I think, Now, tell me, tell me, tell me if I'm wrong, I think you you will have good insight into this. But I think there's a there's a degree of badness or let me say a little bit better. There's a decree there's sorry, there's a balance of confidence, and modesty, I think, in leadership positions that actually can bring a lot of people together.
Dan 14:42
Absolutely. I mean, just take a look at you know, the last disaster president basically left the White House. Realize that in all top positions, we despise leaders who are arrogant, we despise leaders who feel like they are some special snowflake somehow And everybody should treat them because you're so friggin special. We, as a species do not like these people, believe it or not. Now, there are a very small number of people who suffer from lack of self esteem, who find these things attractive. But the majority of us, we are repelled by that kind of behavior, right? Which is why it's so incredibly important to know that the higher your position, the more you have to show empathy. And the less arrogance is tolerated by your followers, because that arrogance makes them question your true integrity as a leader. I mean, if you really feel like you're the best, why do you keep talking about it? If you really feel like you're rich? Why do you keep showing up all the stuff? I mean, it's like a scan or something? I mean, is it real? Or are you really if you feel like you're the strongest and most powerful person in the world, then why are you so insecure about these things? So people start asking questions, and that is why, by modesty and not trying to constantly brag or bring others down, you actually tell the world that yes, I am. That guy. And that's going to basically impress everyone in this regard. to want to follow each one to listen to you. And egotistical leaders, arrogant leaders, as we've seen, will always go down.
Pouya LJ 16:17
Yeah, that's exactly I think, I think, I think you're right, absolutely. In the sense that, you know, higher you are, you have to be less arrogant or rather natural, less arrogant is tolerated. So by definition, you
Dan 16:30
have to be a democratic systems, it's right, we'll have a choice. Or actually leave, if you are just, you know, for a country, if you are the leader of an organization, you act like this, your team is going to leave, they're gonna find a shop, you know, in a different company, because it's like, another word for this douchebag, this guy is always arrogant is putting already down quantity with these people. Right? And but then again, at the same time, being, I don't know, a doormat is not good either. Because in that case, no one's gonna respect you. Leadership requires setting boundaries, punishing bad behaviors, and rewarding good behavior. So if you're a nice guy, and you say, like, you know what, okay, okay, you came, oh, Johnny, he came to work 30 minutes late today, like the past 30 days, no problem, probably, you really had problems, you can't be a leader like this, you're gonna lose the whole business. So you got to have that balance between the two. And allow them to know that, yes, you know, the boundaries, you are confident in your abilities, but you don't need their approval back and forth, back and forth back. That's just not who basically you are, because that's not what confident leaders simply don't do. They simply believe in themselves, they know what they're capable of, it's kind of like, you know, when you, you know, get your, for example, black belt, I run this, you know, I noticed something, a lot of my friends, when you get your black belt, you start having fights for good. I don't know any of my friends who got their black belts or who, you know, finish tough trainings, for example, like that, you know, for example, the underwater demolition or whatever it is, these when these guys, you know, finish some of the toughest trainings out there. Ironically, after they gain that confidence, that dude, I'm now Special Forces or Dude, I got now the black belt of karate or something, once they have that confidence in them, for some odd reason. Most of them never get into a fight ever again. Because like the way they carry themselves show that and I think we can be like that black belt in all areas of life, financial relationship. I don't know, knowledge, wisdom. Once you have that black belt of wisdom, for example, you're not going to be you know, something like, Oh, I am so wise, please tell me I'm wise. I'm waiting. Nobody. Oh, boy. So that approach simply shows that you're real, you're faking it, that you're no real steps, right? Which is why I always like Dan, I'm afraid of making post on social media share my ideas. I say, Why? say there's no one's gonna like them. I say why do you need their likes, like, but if no one likes me and my posts, then I feel like I'm not important enough. It's like, dude, talk to yourself, as if you're talking, you know, in a vacuum or something, ignore that. And please be aware that it's not about being liked by their sight, but by being heard, which is why I also like, views are always more important social media than likes, likes mean. Views are what generates think of, for example, you know, top platforms, top platforms and top you know, influencers are the ones who don't look to be liked. They say what they want and I like, that attracts more attention, right? But those who are like, well, the guy says, Well, if I take you know, shouldn't my shirt off and just take muscle photos, I get a lot of likes, so I'm gonna keep doing that. So they can never express themselves or the girl says, Okay, if I just get bikini shots that I will get a lot of likes. So they, you know, pages become, you know, boring and meaningless. But once you ignore that approach, and say, You know what, I want to express my thoughts. That's it. I don't want likes. That is that lupino blackbelt, if you will, let's go with confidence and everyone you attract more attention that way. While in all areas of life, yeah,
Pouya LJ 20:03
I think actually absolutely right. Because especially with the advent of, you know, technology, social media, and on the other hand podcast is like the best podcasts are the most sincere and real ones they will relate least super structured like a sort of like a corporate media levels are structured, that the more sincere It seems that the more attention he gets. It said there's a there's a thirst for sincerity, it means it seems shallow there is Yeah, I think I completely agree with that. In my personal experience, anyways. Okay, so we talked a lot about, and I think I think we're honing on a point on many of our episodes about most things, many things. And that is, there's a balance required of finding the point of balance is the hard part is the difficulty. And and you'd never get there without trial and error. You never get there without getting your hands dirty. Doesn't matter how many books you eat, it doesn't matter what you do, you ultimately need to actually do it and see Oh, wow, I was too arrogant here. Oh, wow, I was too modest. Nobody knew what I achieved. So. So I think I think there's a good good segue to say, to bring this show to its conclusion. Is there anything you think we have missed that requires further brush up?
Dan 21:24
Well, first of all good topics is always projects. And as we compared arrogance versus modesty, we realized that in the end, what truly matters is a sense of balance. There's nothing wrong with being you know, satisfied and happy with who you are. There's nothing wrong with loving your success, because that's called self love. And self love is the foundation for loving others. If you don't really love yourself, you can't love other people, if you don't really like and are proud of your work, how do you want others to be inspired by you. So you should like that. But at the same time, being arrogant and trying to show off and especially by bringing others down. That is a short term approach to gain that, you know, feeling of self esteem, which we all look for, it's like in the mass look, you know, hierarchy of needs, right? So for that reason, we believe that it's better to fully stop with arrogance. arrogance is always a bad thing. There is no such thing as moderate arrogance. arrogance itself means you bring others down. So it must be removed. modesty in Your hands should be practiced with you know, moderation, because if you're too modest, you're not helping anybody. Because in that case, you will actually not inspire others. Now, if you are modest about your finances, you're definitely helping yourself by avoiding pay as much taxes as most of you do. Which I'm a fan of, by the way, because I mean, in that one case you've read, you probably don't want to show off. But generally, if you have other ideas, you want to understand that those who are the most confident, usually aren't always talking about that stuff. They aren't talking about their achievements. Rather, they're actually helping others to become achievers themselves, right? So by putting this focus on them, and not on you, you actually become a lot more confident and a lot more popular among those around you.
Pouya LJ 23:08
All right, that makes a lot of sense. I think that was a good conclusion. It had hints of what we didn't talk about and a lot of what we talked about. Thanks. As always, Dan, for joining us and having a moment. And thank you, everybody for participating listening, tuning in. I hope you participate by leaving comments, suggestions, you know, topics that you want to hear about in the comment section or directly to me or Dan through social media. You know where to find us. It's in the show notes as well. And until later episode, have a good one.
