238-How Envy Helps Identify What Makes You Happy

How envy plays a positive role in identifying our own happiness. 

 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I was listening to a podcast interview of psychotherapist and Atlantic contributing writer Lori Gottlieb on How to Build a Happy Life. 

 

Specifically what caught my attention was when Dr. Gottlieb said “a good way to figure out what is fun for you is to look at your envy.”

 

Envy, what?  Envy seems to have such a negative association that was shocking to me.  

 

But what she said made sense.   She said “People don’t like to feel envy. They feel like it’s kind of like a taboo. They don’t want to feel that. They think that they’re a bad person for feeling that. But actually, envy is very instructive, and envy tells us something about desire.”  

 

She says when people follow their envy it tells them what they want. What they desire.  And  that might be a clue as to what might be enjoyable for you. 

 

She says that as humans, “we are so hesitant to look at our desire. We don’t want to give space for desire. We’re so much about the shoulds, as opposed to the “What do I want? What does desire look like for me?” We feel like it’s almost a selfish act.”

 

This is fascinating because it asks people to define what they want.  It seems clear that as a society, we are doing things we should do when it may not be in our desire. Culturally there is a certain prescription about the way things should be.  Within a family there are certain expectations about the way things should be.  It can be hard as adults and certainly hard as young-adults to articulate what it is that they really want to be. And to acknowledge that it’s something they want.

 

Especially if it is not part of the societal norm or the path we’ve put ourselves and others on.   

 

I invite you to take a moment and think about what you envy.  When you scroll social media, what do you envy?  And as a bonus, what don’t you envy? I think that gives us a very interesting perspective on our own happiness. 

 

Until next time. 

 

Inspired by this article in The Atlantic.

 

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