(NOTE: We have 3 episodes to go before we bring this show to a close. The journey has been very informative and we’ve made many friends along the way. However, our current life has so much activity in it, and demands on our time. It’s not like it was in the middle of the pandemic. We may pick up this podcast series again in the near future, but it really is up to you dear listeners. Let us know in comments or emails if you get enough benefit from this podcast for us to continue serving you.)
(NOTE: We have 3 episodes to go before we bring this show to a close. The journey has been very informative and we’ve made many friends along the way. However, our current life has so much activity in it, and demands on our time. It’s not like it was in the middle of the pandemic. We may pick up this podcast series again in the near future, but it really is up to you dear listeners. Let us know in comments or emails if you get enough benefit from this podcast for us to continue serving you.)
IN THIS EPISODE, we make it smell good.
We make it look good.
And we show you how to make your space feel good.
So you can feel oh-so-good!
We are breaking down one of the most important variables in your love life, your environment and how to make it better.
Today’s episode is a complement to our other 2 episodes in this vein, Tips For Spicing Up Your Love Life, and Tips For Having More Sex. This 3rd episode concentrates on the things you can alter in your physical space to make lovemaking more likely, more enjoyable, and more frequent.
This might sound kinda silly and not worth bothering with, but trust me- hacking your space can really help you level up your love life.
There are some pretty commonly-accepted turn-ons and turn offs in life. And even though people’s preferences vary a lot, it is certainly true that making changes in your home environment, bedroom environment, or wherever you prefer to make nooky will definitely help your chances.
So we compiled a list of what works, without getting too in the details, since the details will change from person to person, and sex partner to sex partner
We strove to reduce these tips down to general elements to ponder on, so you can decide how you best manifest their value in your life.
Getting started:
* Make it smell good
* We mean clean of course, but also try different scents you & your lover both enjoy
candles, incenses, sprays, oil lamps, aromatic dispensers are available
* 1999 paper by Alan Hirsch and Jason Gruss published in the Journal of Neurological and Orthopaedic Medicine and Surgery suggests sex and smell have a long association:“Historically, certain smells have been considered aphrodisiacs, a subject of much folklore and pseudoscience. In the volcanic remnants of Pompeii, perfume jars were preserved in the chambers designed for sexual relations. Ancient Egyptians bathed with essential oils in preparation for assignations; Sumarians seduced their women with perfumes. A relationship between smell and sexual attraction is emphasized in traditional Chinese rituals, and virtually all cultures have used perfume in their marriage rites. In mythology, rose petals symbolized scent, and the word ‘deflowering’ describes the initial act of sex.
* ….“The prominent connection between odors and sex among diverse historical periods and cultures implies a high level of evolutionary importance. Freud suggested that odors are such strong inducers of sexual feelings that repression of smell sensations is necessary to civilization.”
* Studies have shown that the scent of lavender directly increases alpha waves, which acts to reduce anxiety, therefore easing the capacity for amorous and erotic interactions
* There’s also a ton of material about the relationship of personal scent (perfumes colognes) and how they’re designed for sexual arousal. Check out this essay https://www.girvin.com/sexual-flavors-designing-sexuality-in-scent/
* Play sexy music
* https://www.aimm.edu/blog/how-does-music-affect-your-mood
* According to this blog we came across on the Atlanta Institute of Music and Media, “It was discovered that music can release dopamine in two main places in the brain, the dorsal and ventral striatum. When you are having a pleasurable experience, such as listening to your favorite song, these areas of the brain light up.”
* Turns out that the rhythm of the song you're listening to can even influence your heart rate, so when people sing together, dance together, or make love with each, their breathing can become synchronized, which can obviously help stimulate positive emotions.
* Choose a playlist that both (or all) of you enjoy that also encourages sensual movement of your bodies. Whatever that means for you. We enjoy deep house, sultry blues, classic jazz, or artists like Alt-J, Leonard Cohen, or even Thomas Dolby.
* Control the lighting
* https://blog.specshoward.edu/blog/how-lighting-affects-mood
* https://www.tcpi.com/psychological-impact-light-color/
* As any photographer or videographer will tell you, it is ALL about the lighting. It can make a princess look like a troll, or toad look like a super sexy lizard. So, take a look at your space, is it welcoming? Or does it feel more business like?
* If it feels like you’re at the dentist’s office about to endure an hour of invasive brain grinding pain, you need to make some changes.
* Are there multiple lightbulbs in one fixture? If so, consider unscrewing all but one of them.
* Are you able to use or install a dimmer switch? Repeat after me: dimmers are our friends. (repeat)
* What about the table lamps? What kind of vibe are they giving off? Grab a warm colored scarf to dim the light and help create a more welcoming glow. (And always check what kind of lightbulb it is. LEDs are fine to have fabric near, but if you have old style incandescent bulbs you won’t want to risk setting your lamp on fire. That’s not the kind of heat we’re talking about!)
* Rearrange furniture
* It’s all about flow. Are you bumping into things while you’re trying to give off a sexy vibe?
* Feel free to move things out of the way. Extra chairs, a table, etc. Giving yourself room to easily move through the space removes stress & complications from enjoying the moment.
* Do you have some pieces of furniture that could be great for sexy time, but they’re stuck behind a lazy boy? Move that shit! Taking control of your space is always a great way to encourage a yummier vibe.
* Hide away clutter
* Much like rearranging furniture can contribute to a yummier vibe, so does reducing the clutter visible in your environment.
* Are there stacks of documents on your dresser? Does looking at them make you think of all the bills you need to pay and various tasks you need to tend to? How sexy do they make you feel? Probably not very. So, find a logical place to pop those docs where they’re not messing with your sexy mindset, but you will also remember to take care of them before they’re due!
* Same with piles of laundry, kids toys, dirty dog bed, etc. Simplifying our environment helps declutter our minds as well, making us more relaxed and better able to enjoy quality time with our partner/partners.
* Good air flow
* seriously, stuffy air can get funky, which may get distracting.
* Also, OXYGEN. It helps you stay alive, and more importantly is key for staying active. Also quite useful for achieving orgasm, particularly for us women folk.
* Have the tools handy
* Last thing you want is to have to stop and run across your home to rummage around for a condom
* or a vibrator
* or the ceiling-mounted sex swing
* Have a little container nearby with the basics, lube, condoms, dental dams, whatever you personally use.
* A pretty little box under the bed (or by the sofa) with the larger items & toys is a great addition
* Give yourself time
* It may not seem like it, but time is also an element in your environment.
* are you always rushed? are dishes piled up high? Laundry hanging off the ceiling fan?
* remember to schedule time to set the mood, using all the above ideas
* it will reduce the amount of stress you have about getting it on to have taken the time to set the mood, and still have the time to enjoy the moment with your partner(s)
In Summation:
Those are our tips for hacking your space to be more sex-friendly. We feel that for a majority of people, they could be helpful in creating a livelier, more active sex life.
Obviously, everyone’s personal level of sexual need is different. There may be some listeners to our podcast for whom sexuality isn’t even a necessity.
But we are speaking from our own experience of course, and in the knowledge that we are a relatively average couple, who just happen to think about these things a lot, and feel that these ideas can help others who have roughly the same level of libido as we do, regardless of orientation, preference, or kink.
Which is why the list was so… generalized, so you could pop your own preferences and details in there as you desire.
Did you enjoy the list? Is there anything in it that maybe you had not thought about before? Are there any thoughts you have on the matter? Do you have any other suggestions we didn’t mention? Let us know in an email or in the comments!
