17 - What is Emotional Healing?

TRANSCRIPT

 

Last week, I was telling a friend of mine about the fact that I’m doing a podcast and that the podcast is about emotional healing. When I said that, my friend asked me a question that I don’t remember anybody ever asking me before. She said “what do you mean when you say emotional healing?” I didn’t have an answer, because every time I have said to somebody “I’m on an emotional healing journey,” or “I’m doing a podcast on emotional healing,” or “my next book is about emotional healing,” people just smile and nod, like they automatically know what I’m talking about.

Nobody has ever asked me before what do I mean when I say emotional healing, so I didn’t have an answer. And it’s actually kind of embarrassing. So I pondered it, and didn’t have an answer. I reached out to some friends of mine who have been on the same type of emotional healing journey that I’ve been on, recovering from childhood trauma, and I asked them “what does emotional healing mean to you?” They gave me some answers, and they gave me permission to share their answers, and that’s what we’re going to be talking about today.

 Thanks ever so much for joining us on the Lessons from Life podcast. I’m Mary Young, and today were talking about what is emotional healing; what is emotional health; what does it mean; what does it look like. When I asked my friends what do they think of when they think of emotional healing or what does it mean to them, all of the answers I got were in writing, so I’m just going to read you what they said.

one friend said: “I think emotional healing happens when we come to terms with what has happened to us and then we allow ourselves to grow emotionally. . ie: I feel as though I have accepted what has happened to me and it no longer controls my thoughts and my life and I have become stronger when I am faced with situations that bring back my experiences. This is emotional healing. I may never be completely healed emotionally but it's a constant work in progress as I am a work in progress.”

 

Another friend said: I haven’t really processed that question fully but I can say that part of it is:  My night terrors disappeared years ago.

There is less emotional knee-jerk reactions to things said or seen. I process a little differently now. But I still have times when I'll relive something. Whether it’s a 37yr old bad choice or reliving a horrible moment again. To me, emotional healing is a process that I'm constantly refining (in or for) my brain. It isn't so easy to trigger me anymore, but it’s not impossible.

and then my third friend that shared said:  This is hard. I’ve started to type a response and stopped three times.
I keep wanting to compare it to a loss of someone or something and the stages that a person goes through. The death of a loved one or pet, surviving an accident, a war, losing your home or community. Some ppl get “stuck” in a phase, denial, anger, etc. Emotional healing is when you have allowed yourself to go through all of the emotional phases and come through on the other side intact. Not the same but healing. Things still trigger but not as often or are as painful hopefully.

So those are three answers from three survivors of childhood trauma, and they say basically the same thing that I was thinking. So I put all of that into my brain and let it percolate around, and came up with the following when I talk about emotional health or emotional healing, this is what I’m talking about.

Emotional health is being able to feel your emotions without being controlled by or ashamed of them, and being able to express those emotions appropriately.

Emotional healing is the process of getting there, and that process is unique to each individual.

I took that definition back to my friends and all three of them agreed that it sounded like what they meant. Being able to feel your emotions -- allowing yourself to feel your emotions -- without being controlled by or ashamed of them, and being able to express those emotions appropriately, and healing is the process of getting there. Again, that process is unique to everyone. The healing journey that I was, on the steps that I took -- yours will be different. There may be similarities, but we are not the same people, so there will be differences, and each one of us is unique, so our healing journey will be unique.

 So that’s my definition of emotional health and the emotional healing journey. We’re going to be talking about that in more detail over the next few weeks, because how can you go on a healing journey if you don’t know what it looks like, or what you’re trying to accomplish? I will tell you this much, and I said it to my friend when she said “I still have healing to do, I will probably always be healing.” I told her that we think of healing the way we think of a broken bone or a cut. The cut scabs over; the scab falls off; you might have a scar depending, you might’ve had to get stitches depending, but you’re healed. The cut is no longer there. The bone mends, it knits back together, and you no longer have a broken bone. You are healthy again.

 Emotional healing is not either/or.  Either I’m emotionally healthy or I’m not. Emotional healing/emotional health is a continuum, and all along that continuum you need more healing. I needed more healing when I was 21. I needed more healing when I was 38 and went to therapy. I needed more healing when I was 40 and out of therapy. I needed more healing when I was 51 and went back to therapy. I needed more healing when I was 55 and thought I had crossed that bridge from the unhealthy to the healthy, before I realized it was a continuum. There will always be areas where I need to heal emotionally, and that’s just part of becoming a better version of me.

 The difference is in 1998 and in 2011, the areas where I needed to heal were debilitating. They were keeping me from being able to function to my full capacity. Now, the areas where I need to heal are... I want to say normal and I know that’s not right, and I’m not trying to minimize, it but it’s more of an understanding myself. Why did I overreact to that statement, that kind of thing. I like the person that I have worked hard to become. I am a better version of me than I was before I started this healing journey. You can be a better version of you. You can find the you that you were meant to be, and that’s all I want.

 I want me to be the best me that I can be. I want you to be the best you that you can be. And if understanding emotional healing and emotional health helps you get there, then please keep listening. Please keep reading the transcripts, because I’m gonna share what has worked for me, what my journey has looked like. And maybe you’ll find some value in that. If nothing else, you’ll know that you’re not alone. And that may be the most important thing to know. Because we always feel like we are the only person going through it.

 You are not alone.

I am not alone.

 Thanks for listening. I hope to see you again, and don’t forget to go make it a great week.