289-This Tool To Get Out Of Your Own Way Is A Game Changer

When I heard this, I knew it was going to be a game changer - and it was.  Ten simple words. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I was thinking the other day about a tool that I use when I find myself stressing or ruminating about something with another person - and sometimes it’s just what’s going on in my own head that I need to check myself. 

 

This tool was first introduced to me years ago by @BreneBrown.  I can’t remember when I first heard it, I think it may have been a story in her first TV special, but I’ve shared this tool with so many people and it’s really helped me.  

 

When you are feeling like someone is thinking something or something doesn’t feel right.  A constructive way to approach that person is to say: 

 

The story I am making up in my head is… 

 

This gives you a chance to share your anxiety or feelings and also gives the other person a non-confrontational, non-judgemental space to reply.  

 

For example.  I texted a friend multiple times over the course of a week and no response.  So unlike her.  So of course, my mind starts spinning and I’m certain I did or said something and I can’t remember what and now she’s ghosting me. 

 

I could say to that friend: Hey there, the story I am making up in my head is that I did something to upset you because I haven’t heard from you?  Is everything ok?  Is there something I did?    This is my friend's opportunity to say, hey, yeah, there was this thing.  But more likely than not, she’ll respond with, oh my gosh no, it’s so good to hear from you, thank you for being a consistent friend, I’ve just been caught up in my own things right now with kids, family, work, you name it.  

 

But what happens if you’re anything like me.  We ruminate.  We second guess.  We play stories in our heads that are not true.  Those stories feed into our own insecurities.  Friends, we don’t have time for this.  My motto - if I’m going to make up a story, it better be good.  And if I just can’t shake this feeling - it’s time to use my 10 magic words “The story I am making up in my head is” and get to the bottom of it - stat. 

 

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