You’re listening to OKY. The place where we discuss what we believe and why we believe it to be true! The last 4 days we have been discussing sex and sexuality. If you didn’t listen to march 3, 4, 5, and 6, go back and listen to those when you have a chance. Yesterday, I mentioned that I was going to address what happens when someone can’t have kids. Does that mean they are not part of God’s plan? So I want to do a little work on this today in order to continue the conversation.
There are plenty of people wh...
You’re listening to OKY. The place where we discuss what we believe and why we believe it to be true! The last 4 days we have been discussing sex and sexuality. If you didn’t listen to march 3, 4, 5, and 6, go back and listen to those when you have a chance. Yesterday, I mentioned that I was going to address what happens when someone can’t have kids. Does that mean they are not part of God’s plan? So I want to do a little work on this today in order to continue the conversation.
There are plenty of people who cannot have kids who long for a family in this way. I am so sorry for those who are walking through this and struggle in this way. But you have to believe that this does not limit God’s plan for your life!
First of all, the conversation was around sex. Having children was another reason why God created sex in order to help us relate with him. We see that through procreation, we are invited into the process of creating, just as God created the entire world. And it helps reinforce unity of diversity. Children can’t be created without diversity. And the unity it brings helps us understand God’s uniting of two differing creations in order to extend life. But to be honest, the 4th reason for sex is more of an outcome than it is a reason. When we are united with God in this way, the outcome is that we have children.
Looking at it this way will help us understand this more. The first three reasons, unity, intimacy, and companionship, are reasons for sex, and the outcome is procreation. This is because the unity with another draws us into understanding communion with a triune God who is able to function as one. This process brings us intimacy at the highest level with our spouse. The result is that we have companionship and the ability to procreate.
Someone who is unable to have children for any reason, is still able to understand the first three reasons. To be honest, they are still able to understand procreation as well. They are just limited from experiencing it.
Why?
And why would God allow this?
I wish I knew the answer to this.
We don’t understand why God allows brokenness to continue with people who are seeking his presence. But we know it has been since the early days of the scriptures.
The one who was promised to become a great nation through which all people would be blessed - Abraham - he was married to a woman who was unable to have children. We read about it in the book of Genesis. She was unable to conceive, yet God called her to be part of building the nation that would lead to Jesus. The child who would anoint the first king of Israel - Samuel - was born to Hannah, who was unable to have children and came to the temple begging for God to open her womb. Elizabeth was old and unable to have children, yet eventually God heard her prayers and she conceived of John the Baptist. All of these are great stories of God involving women who couldn’t bear children into the process of the big picture of God’s plan. This shows that the wasn’t ignoring them and that something was wrong with them. It was because of their obedience and faith that thy were invited into the process through childbirth.
But perhaps the best story for this is the story of Jacob and Rachel. This is a great story that illustrates God’s love for those who do not have children.
Let’s read Genesis 29:31 - 30:1-22,
When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”
She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Because the LORD heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon.
Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi.
She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the LORD.” So she name him Judah. Then she stopped having children.
When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!”
Jacob became angry with her and said, “Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?”
Then she said, “here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.”
So she gave him her servant Bilhah as a wife. Jacob slept with her, and she became pregnant and bore him a son. Then Rachel said, “God has vindicated me; he has listened to my plea nd given me a son.” Because of this she named him Dan.
Rachel’s servant Bilhah conceived agains and bore Jacob a second son. Then Rachell said, “I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won.” So she named him Naphtali.
When Leah saw hat she had stopped having children, she took her servant Zilch and gave her to Jacob as a wife. Leah’s servant Zilch bore Jacob a son. Then Leah said, “What good fortune! So she name him Gad.
Leah’s servant Zilch bore Jacob a second son. Then Leah said, “How happy I am! The women will call me happy.” So she name him Asher.
During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, “Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.”
But she said to her, “Wasn’t it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my son’s mandrakes too?”
“Very well,” Rachel said, “he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son’s mandrakes.”
So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. “You must sleep with me,” she said. “I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.” So he slept with her that night.
God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son. Then Leah said, “God has rewarded me for giving my servant to my husband.” So she name him Issachar.
Leah conceived again and bore Jacob a sixth son. Then Leah said, “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.” So she named him Zebulun.
Some time later she gave birth to ta daughter and named her Dinah.
Then God remembered Rachel; he listens to her and enabled her to conceive. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, “God has taken away my disgrace.” She name him Joseph, and said, “May the LORD add to me another son.”
Ok, let’s dig this apart a little.
If you don’t remember your Bible stories from being a kid, Jacob was tricked by uncle labon into marrying Leah, even though he thought he was marrying Rachel. He did not like Leah, and it was said that Rachel was far better looking. He was more attracted to her. But after working for 7 more years, Labon allowed Jacob to also marry Rachel.
Listen to what it said in Genesis 29 - Leah was not loved, so God enabled her to conceive.
This is why I said it is more a result of sex, although it is also a reason for sex. This is obviously how children are conceived. But it is not contingent for us to understand God as much as it is for us to participate with God. So God caused Leah to conceive, simply because she wasn’t loved by Jacob. She was missing the opportunity to find intimacy and companionship. So God showed special grace on her.
But listen to the meaning of her kids names. .
First Reuben - meaning misery - saying, “Because the Lord has seen my misery.” She even goes on to say, “Surely my husband will love me now.”
Then she had Simeon - meaning one who hears - saying, “The Lord heard that I am not loved
Then she has Levi - meaning attached - saying, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me
Then, she again gave birth and named him Judah saying, “This time I will praise the LORD.”
This forth child she was able to get away from the fact that she didn’t find intimacy and companionship with her husband, and was able to see that God was still with her. He was blessing her even if Jacob was not. Because of this, she doesn’t name him because of her pain and frustration with being unloved. She names him for the faithfulness and provision of God. And wouldn’t you know it. . . She gave birth to Judah. . Who would later become the Tribe of which is the family line of. . . . . JESUS! When she was able to understand God’s love, and celebrate it even though it wasn’t demonstrated by her relationship with Jacob, God gave her the son who would usher in the family line of Jesus.
See, children are a blessing. And unfortunately, because of the curse, not everyone is able to conceive. And in addition, some lose their baby or are taken away from their baby. There is a lot of result to the curse of sin. But childbearing is a result of sex more than it is a reason for sex. God wanted us to participate in creation. But there is still the call to rule over the earth. That is just as much a part of the creation process.
The funny thing is, God eventually remembers Rachel’s prayer and allows her to have children.. She understood the good ness of God and even understood God more because of her unity, intimacy and companionship. But God still wanted her to experience children, since it was such a strong desire for her.
And she gave birth to Joseph.
Jospeh means - may God add. Her prayer was that God would increase her family even more.
Later in Genesis 35, Rachel dies in childbirth of Benjamin.
This story is fascinating. Rachel knew God’s love because she understood her husband’s love. Leah had to have 4 children before she understood the love of God and the blessings he was giving her - all because her husband withheld intimacy and companionship from her.
See, children are a result of sex, and they help us participate in God’s creative process. But it is unity, intimacy, and companionship that build the relationship. It is through those things that we understand God at a deeper level.
I dont’ think God wants to withhold children from those who desire it. I think that is an unfortunate result of the curse brought on by sin. For those who can’t have children, I pray that God opens the possibility for you to have a baby. . But in the mean time, I encourage you to lean into the love of God through the relationship of you and your spouse.
Today I was at Starbucks and I met Bhushan. He is a new friend from India who is longing for a family. His wife went back to India to get the IVF treatments. So we prayed that they would be successful in creating a child. But I prayed closeness over him and his spouse. That God would bring them into a deeper relationship that helps them experience the love of God.
Children don’t do that. A right relationship with a spouse does that. It’s through true unity, intimacy, and companionship with our spouse, that we understand the deep love of God for us.
I know I’m talking to some people who lack that in their marriage. I talk with people every day who wish their spouse would treat them differently because they are lacking true companionship. I talk with people all the time who struggle with intimacy because they can’t stand their spouse and the way they act.
I think of Leah. A child won’t change that. And a child won’t even help you understand and experience God’s love. So I pray that God gives you a passionate intimacy and companionship with your spouse. I pray that more than anything else, you will put that person first. Because there, is where you experience the love God has for you!
Pray
Taht’s all the time we have left for today. I love you, and God bless.
