Beyond ADHD A Physicians Perspective Ep 18: Dr. Jessica Daigle (Board Certified Pediatrician, ICU Doc, Founder of Mom and Me By Jess Daigle MD)

Dr. Jessica Daigle: Having that sense of control and order is what allows you to be able to move forward. Like you need to .

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Hi, welcome to Beyond ADHD, A Physician's Perspective podcast. I am your host, Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh. I'm a family medicine doc, with ADHD, practicing in a rural setting in Texas. I am a mother to two very energetic toddlers who are three and four years of age.

 

And in the past year, I have undergone radical transformation after discovering  ADHD coaching, and life-coaching. For the past decade, my typical day consisted of having 300 charts backlog, a graveyard of unfinished projects, and a lack of time awareness. I didn't realize that I was not filling my own cup. I was running on fumes, the last year I figured out the secret; learn to stay in your lane. So now my mission is to help others develop systems that tap into their zone of genius. So they too can reclaim their personal lives back like I have.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Well, hello? Hello. I am so excited today to have one of my good friends. Dr. Jess Daigle. She's a board certified Pediatrician. She's an ICU doctor and founder of mom and me. By Jess Daigle MD and upcoming in-home virtual postpartum care service. This may, that will provide medical care to newborns and education to the mamas, along with emotional and practical support during their fourth trimester.

Her heart is towards mamas and their little ones. She loves to educate console and reassure families. She's on a mission to help moms ditch, overwhelm, and feel competent in their new lives so that they can reconnect with themselves and embraced motherhood with confidence and joy. So I am so excited. I want to her to tell us how she ended up being able to do all these things.

Dr. Jessica Daigle: Well, thank you so much, Diana, for having me. I'm so grateful to be here today and to share my story with moms, because I've really been there. I always wanted to be a pediatrician, which I think that was just a God given quality, but it became, it started to have more meaning after I had my own kids. Because essentially you have to go through something to kind of really understand someone else's experience. It's not enough just to have the education, the experience lends more meaning to how you can help. And so my first, baby it was a miscarriage, so that was hard, definitely for a lot of reasons.

It was my first clue into like grief dealing with grief and guilt and shame when it comes to losing a baby. Thinking about what if and what could have been. And then, God blessed me to have my second child. But he was all preterm. So he was born at 31 weeks and I actually was on bed rest with him for nine weeks in the hospital just to have him at 31 weeks.

And so, he had only been a later at first, but then he did fine acquire a feeding tube and things like that, which is typical for a new, preterm infant in the NICU. And then when he came home, I thought, you know, okay, But exhale, we can just kind of get on him growing and then he had to go back on tube feedings.

And so that was emotional because I was still finishing the last part of my training. And that was hard. And then, my third child ended up being a premature infant as well. So I've definitely had the experience of, of new mom and NICU mom actually at the same time. So my first baby that I brought home ended up being a NICU baby.

So, you know, on top of the newness of taking care of a baby, now you have a baby that has medical challenges. And so, that was definitely stressful and overwhelming, but by, you know, creating systems and understanding how to assess my knees and, and how to get what I needed, allowed me to get through it.

And so, but that foundation alone, coupled with the work that I do in the hospital, taking care of preterm infants and, just even normal newborns and seeing moms go through the concern and worry about being able to. Take care of your babies. You know, it is scary as new and unless you babysat babies before, you know, it really, you really don't know a lot about what you're doing and you kind of learning on the job training is what I call it.

And so just want to be able to be that guide for them, that mentor, that advisor, consultant, strategist, all of that, is what moms need to be able to set the right tone for their postpartum journey and their motherhood journey as well.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: That's amazing. So like you just said, you live this experience yourself, where you're already on track to becoming like a pediatrician and a NICU physician?

Dr. Jessica Daigle: Yes, I was actually, cause I, I read this book when I was younger. And my mom was like, why are you reading such a heavy book? But it was called The Long Dying of Baby Andrew. And it was about this family, Robert and Peggy Stinson who had this really extremely preterm infant. He was under 25 weeks gestation.

And like the heroic step, the doctors were, you know, medicine was changing at that time. Being able to allow babies that young to live longer. And, but we were right on the cusp of. You know, new technologies and medications and things, and they wanted to just be able to let their baby die dignity.

They didn't want all the heroics and all the procedures and things, you know? And so it kind of taught me that young about quality of life too. Like, cause I, I wonder what what's the, what is the right decision in those instances? So I said, I want to save the babies. Like I want to be. The person to help families navigate those harder, difficult times that young, I was 10 years old.

I wanted to do that. And so, as I grew towards it, and then I had my own kids, it became even more real to me. How important of a process that is.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: So, did you have your kids during residency or like,

Dr. Jessica Daigle: Yeah, my first one, my loss, my miscarriage, and then my son Liam, who's eight now who was 31 weeks. I had him right at the end and I was actually accepted to me in etology fellowship.

Right. When ever I was kind of going into, having him and having to, I was interviewed. I'm sorry, excuse me for fellowship at that time. And then my daughter, I was already working out as a physician in the NICU.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. It's so interesting how sometimes whatever we're drawn towards, it's like, we've almost been preparing to walk in that step, right?

Like, it's so weird how your. Experiences like mesh with who you're going to be and what your zone of genius is going to be. Right. Provide that support for the families and you went through it. Right. So it's so crazy how sometimes you're able to blend them both together for the good of the humanity.

Dr. Jessica Daigle: I think the so special.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. And you know, you and I have had this conversation multiple times, how females sometimes are diagnosed. With ADHD later in life. And probably because whatever things we were systems we were using were okay when it's just ourselves. But then when we all of a sudden have a baby or we end up like getting promoted and now we're managing other people, not just yourself.

All of a sudden, like, its ugly head comes up where you like your executive function, juggling of things is not like you, you meet kind of like, I want to say you get oversaturated. Like it doesn't matter how much you try you working harder is not going to help. Like you have to do something different in order to.

Then just figure out a different way. And so moms become diagnosed with postpartum depression or with ADHD sometimes after the birth of a child. And I can only imagine, like you're saying, when now you have. A newborn that's in, in the NICU that is requiring all those extra special attention to detail that needs to be there.

How that could be a little bit overwhelming as well. And so how would a mom who has ADHD or a new mom that it works, you know, that has a NICU baby. How do you think you could help?

Dr. Jessica Daigle: I think that the, it comes down to cleaning and I'm, I just posted a post cause I'm doing a workshop March 29th-31st about having a postpartum plan because I see a lot of moms come in with a birth plan, but they haven't taken time to think about how their life is going to be adjusted after having a baby.

And to be fair, no one can really a hundred percent plan for that. Because a lot of times it's not until you're in a thing that. How you feel about it, you may think based on some other values you have, or what you know about yourself currently, that you may want to do this and that. But I do think you can at least consider it and, and ride down an ideal situation.

Cause that's like if like life in general, we have goals and we work toward them, but something may come along the way in life and kind of shift you or you have to navigate or turn down a different path. But you still know where you're trying to go. And so, I encourage moms. If they are working with me, we would look at the, what I consider the five pillars of things that are impacted when you have a baby. You yourself is impacted you as a person. You have your identity. What you think about yourself as a woman, and then what kind of mom you want to be? A lot of times, you're just now starting to think about that. You know, I know, I didn't think about what kind of parent I want it to be.

I didn't compare it to my own childhood or anything like that until I had kids. I started to look back and think, yeah, I want to do that. And no, I don't think I want to do that. You know? So thinking about you as a woman what your goals are for yourselves feel even while having this baby. And it could be short term, like, I'm definitely about self care.

So having planned for taking care of yourself, making sure that you're all right as well, and then the babies. So learning what you can to take care of your baby, like where, where do you feel afraid or what are you worried about? Then okay. Who can help me, like having those systems in place for support that could be from the pediatrician like me, that's what I wanna do.

Help moms in the home. I would do go through newborn education. Cause some of them don't even know, well, what's the good way to change the diaper? How should I be feeding them are, you know, breastfeeding and or formula education is necessary. How do I even make the bottles and things like that. So I would even, I'm gonna do even those basics.

But knowing, like, what's your plan for the baby? Like, do you, what's your childcare plan? Like, do you want to, are you that person. Knows. You're going to have to go back to work in six to eight, 12 weeks, depending on your financial situation or your household. Okay. Well, who is going to be watching my baby?

That's a real concern and a big one. , I know that stresses me out still. And look, they're 83, but, but I have a system now. I have a mom, my mom and I have two of my family members and they come in rotation. And now that I know that I planned that. It doesn't change the fact that it is needed. Right.

And so that's the, one of the big things that you have to realize, like it has to be dealt with. They can't, you can't bury your head in the sand and it just magically gets better, you know, but by having the strategy, then you say, okay, I've already thought about how I feel about this. This is what I'm going to do to make myself feel like I'm in control of it. Cause that's what it comes down to at the end of the day, having that sense of control and order is what allows you to be able to move forward. Like you need to. And so you, the baby thing, your relationship with your spouse, right? So, you know, our partner, our, even if you not with somebody, like what is it that you're doing just to make sure you have support in place?

It could be. I say, mom and me, plus village equals three. Yeah. I said, no, you need to know what your village is. That threefold cord, like we hear people talk about that triangle that, that, you know, that that system of flow is important. So you may not be, the daddy may not be a partner. It might be your mom or an aunt or a best friend, but somebody else that is there that you can rely on and lean on because you do need community.

And then the fourth thing is your house. So when you have a baby. Nothing changes like every, your life as it was still, you still have a light bill. You still have a cable bill or Netflix bill or whatever you want to call it. Like the bills are still the same. The things that you need to do in your life are still the same.

But now you have to factor in. A baby. Like I remember the first time I was getting ready to go somewhere like, oh wait, no, I have to think about like, wait, it's not, it's just, you know, just pick up and go no more. It has to have a main looser has extra change of clothes and some milk. And then do they have some wipes?

Do you have, you know, some nameless, normal saline case, they knows, got little buggers, you know, like it's not just pick up and go with it. Or if you are trying to go by yourself, who's coming to the house to wash them. Do they know what they're doing? You know, it's so much that you have to think about.

And then lastly, return to work. So like I'm alluded to already, you know, some people don't are, they'll have the situation where, so if they have the baby, they either gonna to stay at home. More, they are taken off for a whole year or like in other cultures is they are supported that way. You know, a lot of people overseas have different, a lot different cultures are able to support their moms a little bit more in this way, which is something I think we can work on all over here in the U S.

Which is part of what my business is going to aim to do, to, to provide that personalized care, to help moms during this transition, because she's going through a lot, like, you know, every other procedure like surgeries or anything else, you have a recovery period that people are expecting you not to be having the hustle.

Well, we have babies, people were just kind of like, all right, you did that. You to be showing up next week to work. And you're like, no, like my body's recovering, like why are you having this expectation of me that you don't have with anybody else that under a major transition in life, you know? And so those are the pillars you, the baby, your home environment, community and your work career. These are the areas that, that you need to think about. What do I want my life to look like? So when it comes to a mom, ADHD or not, you know, what do, what do I envision for myself or what is ideally gonna make me happy and know that you have to be fluid and know that it can change.

So what I thought I wanted for myself was very different. Once I had my kids, like my priority shifted, my values, we're the same. I would say I, you know, I've always been loving and caring and wanting good will towards others and things like that. But when my kids came in, I was like, all right, I want to be my best self because now I realize they are relying on me.

They are watching me. So I view my world and even my life differently now, like even with my business, I'm like, I don't want to give up. My son is watching me too, you know, he's, he's going to need to know, Hey, I gotta push through when things are hard sometimes to get the good in it. And so that's what I would tell a family is really knowing.

And that's why, if someone like me is good, because I'm going to help them realize these things and we can work through it together about what is important to them now, what do they want to see in their life and how to best use them.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Thank you so much. That's amazing. You know, again, I know when I had my first baby, like, luckily my mom came and she helped me with him, but not everybody has that support.

And you need to create that support. Like you said, like it does take a village and you do have to know, okay, who can come watch them so that I can sleep or I can shower or I can eat because like you said, You just delivered a baby. So isn't it all of a sudden what you're supposed to feed them on demand every two hours.

Like if you decide you're breastfeeding and like, when are you sleeping? Are you doing that every two hours? Right. And so there's so much stuff that can happen. Like. It can build resentment and all kinds of stuff. If you don't have conversations beforehand of what it is like, or let's say things already happened.

Okay, what can I learn from this experience? That didn't seem just right. And I correct it, right? So that we are not all making assumptions of. Things should be or not be. And then you modify that. And, and sometimes with ADHD, like it's kind of hard because we interpret things. To mean a lot more than they, they mean, and it's that emotional dysregulation that can happen.

And then you throw in lack of sleep in there, forget it. It's like a hot mess waiting to happen. Right. And so it's why this, you know, I joke around and I say, self care is not just you getting your nails done. Like. It actually means you putting your oxygen on yourself first so that you can be able to drive places with your kiddo.

Cause you're not sleep deprived and not going to crash somewhere. Right. And so we have to let go of this idea. Like I can do it all myself. Like you have to ask for help. And, and most of us have been taught that if you don't do it yourself, you're doing it wrong. But like you just pointed out, like in some cultures, like family moves in to help you, you know, it's a village is not just, okay, good luck.

You know, we'll pray for you. It's like, okay. Pray and send the food. Like, don't be just praying, you know, send me cooked food.

Dr. Jessica Daigle: I mean some extra behind that work..

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: It's so important that you're pointing all that out and like what better than to work with somebody who this is what they do. Day in and day out and has to personally experience as well and can guide you for all those things. Because like the thing is, you don't know what you don't know, like you think, you know, and yeah, reading it somewhere 3:00 AM. This is not the same as being able to talk to somebody who lives. This is their zone of genius, right? Like this is what, how they can help you. And, you don't have to sit in overwhelm, like you could get the help. And so, yeah, this is so good that you're sharingthese things, because I think part of us with ADHD, we feel like we always trying to prove ourselves and we, and like, why can't I just human?

Why can't I just be a mom? Why can't I just, and that type of thing is not helpful. Instead you have to ask a different question. How can I help me to, you know, those are different questions versus you thinking there's something wrong with. And so tell me, what, what does it look like in your next three years for you?

What are your big plans that are going to be stretching you?

Dr. Jessica Daigle: So I am launching my own in-home care practice in May, where I will start to take a, it will be a cash based practice, but I'll be able to see, moms, and the home and I'll be doing like the newborn Sam and also provide a, and when I say the emotional, support is because, like you said, the moms, they're worried about the baby that they do often neglect themselves. And so you're right. Like self care is caring for someone it's assessing needs and then how those needs to be met. So in order to care for yourself, you need to see what are my needs and how can they best be met. And that's true.

And it does not mean that it has to come from you. It could be whoever. You know, if you say you need a massage right now, you're not beating yourself up because you can't give yourself a massage. You say, Hmm, that place down the street. Sure. Looks nice. Let me go check them out and you go and get what you need.

So, it's changing the narrative, normalizing the fact that itwas not right for anybody to expect, you know, nobody can be everything for anybody all the time. You can be everything for yourself all the time, you know, that's why we have community, you know? And, so take that pressure off yourself first.

And then, then you'll be able to open. It's kind of like opening up a fist. Like if you hold a tight fist, you can't put nothing in there, but if it's open, you can give as well as receive. Right. And so that's how we should be living our lives. So I'm starting with that in home practice, but I envisioned a center, um, for moms, that, will, you know, like holistically cater to them during this period.

Giving them everything that they need because as I've explored my own business, my mind has expanded into everything like moms are impacted in so many ways from this physically to mentally. So learning mindfulness, learning, life planning, learning, what, what kind of pair do you want to be?

You know, dealing with postpartum, depression and anxiety. Life skills, like almost like a little mom vocational center. That's like the, my center and lessons, amazing mom that you want to be yoga therapy. We got somebody that can help you with that too. You know, just that, just that kind of thought because you know, everybody's having to run everywhere for everything and. Like, you know, she, I want her to have a place, like when, like, when people go to a spot, I can get a facial in a males and a massage, you know, like, okay, that's aesthetic.

I want something like that for mind, body and spirit. So.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: And, what are your fun? Goals that you have for the next 3 years, are you going to be traveling anywhere?

Dr. Jessica Daigle: Yes, my son wants to go to Hawaii. So trying to do that, I, I want me and my husband we've neglected to hang out with each other just by ourselves with all of our.

Aspirations me getting this business off the ground, him with his real estate. So we used to go and cruise all the time. And so I want, us, you know, but then COVID happened too. So you know how that is, but once we feel, you know, ship ready again, I would love us to go on a cruise. Because we always had fun that way.

And that's definitely where Liam was created.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: So careful, Ms. Jess, you're going to come back with a souvenir.

Dr. Jessica Daigle: Oh no, no, no. I took care of that. You know how people say they got their tide? I had the bridge demolished, my uterus and my ovaries. United States of America apart.

My ovaries are California. My uterus is Georgia, they have no way to get there.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Oh, funny. So, cruises, what else do you see in your fun to do things?

Dr. Jessica Daigle: I wouldn't mind. Thinking of driving cross the U S I love driving. And, we've done like Georgia. Towards like New York for like a thing, but I would love to do like a cross country type of road trip. I think that would be fun, like just stopping at different like sites and, you know, and then singing in the car and snacks and stopping, sleeping off different places. I think that would be fun.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah, that sounds like a good adventure. I'm also wanting to do at some point, I want to get in one of those railroads, those cross country railroads, like that sounds cool. Yeah. Where you just like, get it, you just get in there and you just, you know, they bring you the food, you just chill

and we can plan something together.

Awesome. Well, this has been so amazing. Tell us where they can find you and tell us where they can register for that webinar, that masterclass that you're going to be having soon.

Dr. Jessica Daigle: So. My workshop, Adjusting to Motherhood, Developing Your Post-Partum Plan is March 29th through the 31st at 8:00 PM Eastern time.

So that is three days. We'll talk about, all the different parts of some of what I talked about here today. And, kind of worked through it real time. So moms can start playing, especially are expecting moms. And then for those who already have a baby, maybe hadn't thought about it, but you know, it's no, it's never better late than never.

Like they say, because it's really something that you'll continue to revamp, like thinking reassessing those parts of your life now that you have had. But now that you have. So that workshop is, can be found. The link is on my landing page, www.momandmemd.com/stop overwhelm because that's my mission.

And we, we, that we don't want to live in overwhelm. We want to live in power. Okay. And so, my social media handles, I know that you're going to include there too, but. @momandme_MD on Instagram and Jess Daigle on Facebook. And I haven't new Tik TOK. That's at @momandme_MD.

But yeah, so like on my landing page is information about the business to come like the what I'll actually be doing. Also a flyer with the registration link to my workshop and just a little bit more about me.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Awesome! Well, this has been so fun, but before I let you go, one more tip that you want to share with the people that maybe I haven't asked you about. If they just started listening, if they hadn't paid attention to anything else, they just woke up. They sold, what do you want them to walk away with, today?

Dr. Jessica Daigle: I want them to know that motherhood is on the job training. There, is no real manual for how to do it is a process. Okay. And, but you can plan and think about the areas of your.

Now and how they might be impacted when you have a baby and what you want it to look like, but just be willing to be flexible, that will serve you well, as a mom, because many things are not often what you think, and then what you desire over time may change and being, being willing to be flexible will help you to move forward in your motherhood journey with confidence and joy.

Instead of living stressed, we don't want to do stress. We want to do confidence and joy!

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Awesome. Well, thank you. This has been awesome delight. So much fun to talk with you. Every time I learn more tools that I can go and implement, I'm gonna put all your links on the podcast stuff so that they can come and find your workshop and they can follow you on Facebook and Instagram and Tiktok and everywhere, so they can learn how to empower themselves and stop

overwhelmed.

Dr. Jessica Daigle: That's right. We don't want to do overwhelm , it can happen, you know, in any moment we all can be stuck, but the goal is to get unstuck.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Awesome. Well, thank you so much again, and this has been a pleasure.

Dr. Jessica Daigle: Alright, you too dear.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: As someone who understands that time is your most valuable asset, I am so honored that you have shared your time with me. Please click the subscribe. And join my Facebook Group: Beyond ADHD A Physician's Perspective so that you never miss an opportunity to create time at will. Do share this podcast with your friends. So they too can learn to live life and stay in their own lane.

 

Dr. Jess Daigle is a Board Certified Pediatrician. She's an ICU doctor and founder of Mom and Me, By Jess Daigle MD. 

Stay connected with Dr. Jess through the following channels:

Webpage: https://www.momandmemd.com/stopoverwhelm

Facebook: facebook.com/jessica.daigle.1422

Instagram: instagram.com/momandme_md/

Tiktok: @momandme_md

Twitter: @drjessdaigle

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jess-daigle-md-faap-67ab7b117

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2iYUOQyQRNEG1RD2iVu2Gg