Season 2 Chapter 8 - Do I Deserve to Live?

In this podcast episode, I delve into my internal struggles with taking control of my health and my struggles with weight loss, exploring the mental challenge aspect of obesity. As an individual with a past embedded in evangelism, it is an ongoing struggle to suppress the need to validate my own journey and beliefs. I yearn for alignment and validation through agreement with my listeners, introducing an evangelistic element into this journey, one that might feel like a sermon sometimes.

Inspiring to be route towards health and progress, my voyage has me hoping to break through the 500-pound barrier. I acknowledge positive changes like improvements in breathing, heart rate, and even blood pressure and sense tangible progress in the form of muscle definition. However, the challenge of establishing and maintaining healthy dietary habits still persists.

Precariously balanced on the precipice of progress and setbacks, I grapple with feelings of undeservingness. I can't help but feel I disappoint my listeners who tune into this podcast for motivation and inspiration, only to often find themselves witness to my various trials and setbacks.

A poignant moment occurs when discussing a close friend's brother's story, who, despite damaging his own liver, is getting a second shot at life with a liver transplant. Do we deserve second chances? Have I become too reliant on the grace of successive chances? These questions plague my mind.

I want to stress that I'm merely striving to make each day a little better than the last. And I welcome any feedback, especially if I tend to get overly preachy. This isn't just about health, it's about self-awareness and mindfulness, growth and improvement against our odds.