EP 180: The Pink Sparkly Vans & The Fear We Pass Down

This episode starts with a viral Instagram reel that’s been stuck in my head for days. In it, a pastor watches a video of a mom sharing how her son—just four or five years old—picked out a pink backpack. You hear the dad in the background, upset about it, saying he needs something more “boyish.” The pastor looks at the camera and says, “This is why we need dads.”
But what does that really mean?
Because when I hear that line, I don’t just hear a statement—I hear an old, familiar fear. A fear I’ve felt myself. A fear that showed up one day in a shoe store, when my own son reached for a pair of pink sparkly Vans and I almost steered him away.
In this episode, I’m wrestling with that fear—the one that tells us to shrink, to hide, to protect our kids from the world instead of protecting what’s good in them. I’m talking about what color really means, how it’s never just about a backpack or a pair of shoes, and what kind of dad I actually want to be.
It’s a conversation about masculinity, shame, freedom—and the healing we’re still called to do.

If today’s conversation stirred something in you—whether you’re a parent, a former kid who got teased for wearing the wrong color, or someone just trying to unlearn the fear you were handed—just know you’re not alone.

These stories matter. Your story matters.

And I’m grateful you’re here, doing the work with me.

You can reach me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or shoot me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

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