Ep 38 | How to Trust After Narcissistic Abuse

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This week we talk about 4 Tips on learning to trust again after narcissistic abuse. 

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I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.

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TRANSCRIPT:
Speaker 1: (00:01)
Hello. In today's episode, we are going to talk about learning to trust after abuse. I know a lot of you think that's impossible. I'm not gonna say it's super easy or overnight, but yes, you can do it. And I have four lovely, one amazing queen vibe tips. Let's try to make something. Good, right? That's what I like to do. Stay tuned.

Speaker 1: (00:26)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawly narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christy I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:24)
All right, look, I get it. I get it. I've been there. I remember choosing a relationship that was not the healthiest and did I stay in it longer than I should have? Yeah, that's why I'm here. But I will say also after that lovely relationship that is sarcasm dripping out of my mouth, I found that I could trust again. And it took some time, it took some work, but we can make that fun. That's why, that's why we're hanging with Christy Jade. We make fun here. Okay, so let's talk about three ways to chip away at that self-doubt of like, can I trust myself to even have a good relationship or can I trust other people? I mean, that person was whack. Are there more whack people out there? Yes, there are. We're gonna get to that. Okay, so number one is surrounding yourself with supportive people, like uplifting people, cheerleaders people who have your back, loyal people, people who don't make you feel small.

Speaker 1: (02:25)
You may be like, are there those people? Because I, I kind of felt like, are there, I knew some cool people, but I will tell you this, when I truly disconnected from the controlling, complaining, negative people in my life, I started actually attracting people on a whole other caliber. Like super supportive, just sweet, thoughtful. It was so much that I was like, are you just blowing smoke up my? Is this fake? Is the shoe gonna drop? I'm talking even about friendships, but the shoe has not dropped. There are actually some really amazing good healthy people out there. And I feel like a lot of us, if we grew up with some maybe a little chaotic childhoods, if we chose some relationships that maybe kicked our to put it lightly, we think, oh, that's, that's just what's out there. At least for me, I kind of felt like that.

Speaker 1: (03:21)
I felt like I was used to being abused in ways, mentally, emotionally, even physically. And it was kind of like this bar I had cuz I didn't know what else was out there as far as especially romantic relationships and even just people being close to me not realizing like, oh, there can be people that are really understanding and who don't just have their way or the highway mentality, right? So one of the first things I did as I kind of cleaned out the closet, remember Eminem, that song I'm cleaning out my closet. I always think of that when I think of like my journey when I disconnected from one of the major narcissists in my life, I also cleaned house just of people that I felt weren't really serving or benefiting my life very much. And it wasn't feeling good and I had to walk on eggshells.

Speaker 1: (04:14)
Like it just all came together and it was a big wave of disconnecting from some people. And it was hard. I'm not gonna lie, but it's sometimes like when you open your eyes and you see something in a whole new way, you can't help but see things as a whole in a new way, right? So this is something that happens. I have a client right now who's going through this that they disconnected from their major player narcissist and started also realizing some of the friendships in her life were not so healthy either. So she's kind of cleaning out her closet. So building new relationships was huge for me. Finding people that talked about not other people, didn't put me down, didn't make me walk on eggshells, didn't make me fear or have worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. We're just good people. I started joining mom groups where I saw people that were actually doing good in the world and trying to be better and do good in the community, self-aware people.

Speaker 1: (05:11)
I started kind of strategically placing myself in areas where people were healthy individuals and were helping others. That's a great place to start because most people who help others aren't always selfish. Are there some people who do it for the clout and the recognition? Sure, but it's a good place to start. So finding people who are doing good in the world is a great place, right? Another place is just going to, they have like meetup dot coms, Facebook groups, like local Facebook groups of people that share interest, right? So that could be, if you're on self-growth journey, looking for other people in self-growth, maybe it's meditation class, yoga classes, things like that people are doing that are healthy activities. Joining those and finding people is a good start. They're al you may have to do a little screening. Okay, there's, there's always gonna be some crazy old controlling bug in the pack.

Speaker 1: (06:10)
Is that a thing? A bug in a pack? I make up so much y'all. It's perimenopause. Can I get a what? What? I swear I have perimenopause vocabulary, legit. I just start making words up. Now, I don't know. Welcome to womanhood. So there might be a bad apple or Abu a bug in the pack, A controlling bug, you know about those controlling bugs. So yes, there might be some screening and we're gonna talk about this. My next episode is actually gonna be on how to determine if someone is trustworthy or not. Ooh, I'm excited for that. So surrounding yourself with a good support system is really important to learn to trust. Another thing we've talked about this, but I'm gonna reiterate is listening to your body. So doing the meditation, doing the yoga, being with nature, getting in touch with your own body.

Speaker 1: (06:59)
Oh, get in touch with your body. But really listening to it, you know, you have intuition, you have prayer, you have the Holy Spirit and Satia, if you're a God person, you do paying attention to what your body is saying, how it's reacting will help you determine if you are feeling safe or not, right? I know we have trauma, so we gotta work through that. Let's go to some therapy if we need to. But in general, we really do have a good intuition. It's a matter of being able to get calm and aware enough to listen to it. So listen to that, listen to that intuition. Number three, which is harder for some of us than others, but setting boundaries. You want to establish clear boundaries to protect yourself from potential harm. So you have to clear, define what is acceptable and what is not.

Speaker 1: (07:47)
And I do this with like all of my clients in the beginning. We like my long term clients, we start off with, I call it the hell yes, hell no list. Like what is working, what is not? And then creating boundaries from there in your life. Like if something's not working, all right, how can we get it towards working? Or if you need help with, well, I don't know how to tell X, Y, z I don't trust myself. We work on that, right? So if you wanna work with me, go check out my show notes. There are all the ways to work with me, including there is a boundaries pre-recorded epic workshop. It's 10 videos, chalk full of boundary funds. So if you wanna check that out, it, it will be linked. So you wanna communicate your boundaries assertively and be prepared to enforce them.

Speaker 1: (08:31)
Because if you are dealing with controlling people, if you have to, obviously, you know, my first thing is like get the away from controlling abusive people. But if you can't, I want you to assertively state your boundaries. And if you have to enforce them, you enforce them, right? And you can always walk away. Give yourself permission to walk away if someone is mistreating you. So this can help you regain a sense of control and security when you feel like you like, well I have the control, right? Like, I am able to take this where I wanna take it. You have that power, right? So setting boundaries gives you such empowerment. It is something you probably have to work on. You've been a people pleaser. You've, if you've been abused, it doesn't always come super easy, but I'm telling you, it is a game changer.

Speaker 1: (09:20)
If you want peace, if you truly want peace and freedom in your life, you have to learn to set boundaries. Like you will not be able to achieve that without it. And you know me, I'm gonna, I'm gonna play it straight. Number four, gradually take small risks. This is, this is the scary one for some of us, but let's be honest, most of us, right? We we're like, risks equals more fear and more problems. But once you are out of your toxic situation, rebuilding trust requires taking those small steps. Start by taking calculated risks. So you don't wanna go like just jump off a cliff with no parachute. I'm not saying that. I'm saying in new relationships or situations be a little vulnerable. And again, I go back to trusting your body and it's kind of a chicken and egg. But we gotta start somewhere.

Speaker 1: (10:14)
So start the meditation, start the yoga, start just taking walks and being present with yourself. Get that nervous system rebalanced. I do reiki work if you wanna do that. I just had an epic, epic session this week. I will put my reiki calendar up there, or scheduling link there, sign up. It is, it can be life-changing if you let it. That's all I'll say to really rebalance your nervous system. Okay? So those type of things will help you be able to be more in touch with your body and your mind. And you will be able to start feeling a little safer taking those small risks and begin with people who have already shown themselves to be trustworthy in your life. That's where you start to help rebuild it. As you experience more positive interactions, your trust can gradually be rebuilt. And I'm not saying it's gonna happen overnight, but it can happen.

Speaker 1: (11:10)
It has happened for me and it feels so nice to be able to trust. It's a great feeling, right? It's a very freeing feeling to trust. So let's go through this again, surrounding yourself with supportive people. And you may have to seek this out actively. They're not gonna plop on your doorstep. Wouldn't that be nice though? You're going to set your boundaries, you're going to trust your intuition, and you're going to take those small risks so you can rebuild your trust. So these are four, four things that will really, really set you up to start trusting again. Do not forget to hit the subscribe. Follow whatever button you want. I don't know what it says, but that one that helps you to see my episodes on. But still she thrives because the next episode is going to help you determine if someone is trustworthy or not.

Speaker 1: (12:02)
So stay tuned. That'll be later this week and go catch up on any other episodes. We've got a lot. We, who's we? Me, myself, and I. Um, I have a lot of awesome content if I don't say so myself. Helpful stuff that has gotten me through my journey and helped now thousands of other people go through theirs. So go, go binge away. And like I said, if you wanna work with me one-on-one, that link is there. There's also the boundaries course. So take your pick and I will see you in the next episode. Don't forget, hand on heart. Not if you're driving. All right, let's do a little affirmation before we go. I will trust again. I am worthy of trusting. I will trust myself again. I am a queen. Yeah, you are. All right, go shine your crown. See you soon.