Breaking Perfectionism’s Power Over You

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we are releasing our need to over-perform, over commit, and over criticize as we break perfectionism’s power over us. Deep down we realize being perfect at everything every time without fail isn’t attainable but yet, it doesn’t stop us from raising our expectations and never being satisfied with anything other than winning. Think about that, the feeling of never being satisfied with our performance and therefore, never feeling the joy of accomplishment. That just won’t do.

Perfectionism: refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.  Immediately my ears perk up when I hear the words “refusal to accept”. There is your wall keeping you from learning and growing. At what point in your life did you adopt this stance, the refusal to accept? In the early years when you were just getting started in life. You had all the energy and motivation but also a serious lack of experience and growth. Certainly not the ideal recipe for drawing such a line in the sand. 

Refusal to accept any standard short of perfection. What then is perfect? Completely free from faults or defects, or as close to such a condition as possible.

I wonder who added the “....or as close to such a condition as possible” HA It had to be when they figured out, perfect is impossible. So there you go, you have a safety net. When it can’t be perfect, get as close as you can. 

But even that level of expectation can wreak havoc in your life. Nothing could be more subjective; when it can’t be perfect, get as close as you can. Are YOU ok with admitting THAT is as close as you can come to perfect and then being willing to stop and pat yourself on the back, a job well done!?

Elizabeth Scott, a wellness coach specializing in stress management helps us answer these questions with an article she wrote for verywellmind.com: Perfectionist Traits: Do These Sound Familiar?

Perfectionists are a lot like high achievers, but with some key differences. The following are ten telltale traits of perfectionists, that you may be able to spot in yourself or in the people you know. Do any of these sound familiar?

• All-or-Nothing Thinking
• Highly Critical
• Pushed by Fear
• Unrealistic Standards
• Focussed on Results
• Depressed by Unmet Goals
• Fear of Failure
• Procrastination
• Defensiveness
• Low Self-Esteem

With all or nothing thinking, you have one try and that’s it. If the following people adopted that philosophy we wouldn’t have:

• Disney
• The lightbulb among a gazillion other inventions
• Harry Potter
• Dr. Suess
• Microsoft
• Oprah - and all she does
• Heck, even KFC!

Rebecca Knight gives us some insight into How to Manage Your Perfectionism in an article she wrote for The Harvard Business Review

Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can motivate you to perform at a high level and deliver top-quality work. On the other hand, it can cause you unnecessary anxiety and slow you down. 

• Look at the big picture
• Create a checklist
• Break the cycle of rumination
  • Identify your triggers
  • Don’t trust your first reaction
  • Seek a diversion
  • Think positive
• Get some perspective
• Monitor your progress

Let’s all do a little visualization, shall we? You at age 21 (and if you are now 21, take it back to age 15) What if that person was still in charge today, make all your life’s decisions. Oh sure they thought they knew everything and were in total control and NO one could have told them differently. They weren’t open, honest, and un-opinionated. Hey give them a break, they were green which is a nice way of saying dumb. Ok, they were a little dumb. 

They needed a gentle push, and some trials just challenging enough to open their eyes and to realize, they needed to accept help and possibly a different perspective. Possibly from people who have already been there and done that. 

You learn from other people, walking through life, making mistakes, being down, and getting back up. Never should you refuse to accept whether it’s ideas, a new perspective, help, support, kindness, or love. 

Shutting yourself off to change and accepting that you are as good as you will ever be is a travesty no matter what your age or present circumstance. You have the power for real change. Breaking the power of perfectionism gives you permission to try until you, just figure it out. 

Awareness is breaking the power. Let’s dig more into the way we think and why. Micheal Schwantes shares 10 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Refuse to Think as a way to expose negative thinking patterns.

1. All or nothing thinking
2. Over-generalization
3. Minimizing or magnifying (also, catastrophizing)
4. Using words like "should," "need to," "must," and "ought to" as motivation
5. Labeling
6. Jumping to conclusions (mind-reading or fortune-telling)
7. Discounting the positive
8. Blame and personalization
9. Emotional reasoning
10. Mental filtering

Ready to let go of the unobtainable and mind-shift to acceptance? Thomas Oppong wrote: Make Life Easier on Yourself by Accepting “Good Enough.” Don’t Pursue Perfection, Pursue Progress - for medium.com

...Done is better than perfect. The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists. It rewards people who get things done. Give yourself time in your life to wonder what’s possible and to make even the slightest moves in that direction.

...Free yourself from the fear of mistakes. When you follow your own true north you create new opportunities, have different experiences, and create a different life.

You have the power to break perfectionism’s hold over you. It starts today with accepting who you are and where you are as good enough. Tomorrow you can forge out in a new direction.

 

CHALLENGE: let self-acceptance be the guide on your journey instead of blindly following the misleading beacon to perfection. You are good enough and change should come from a desire to learn and grow, not to please. 

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!