S1 E11 Women’s ADHD Brains Don’t Do Balance: Learning to Live in the Gray

Ever feel like your ADHD brain only runs on two settings? All in or completely shut down. In this episode, Jess and Jeannine dive into the gray space between perfectionism and paralysis. They unpack rest guilt, hyper-independence, and why balance feels impossible for ADHD women. Honest, funny, and validating this conversation is a reminder that rest isn’t lazy, and living in the gray is its own kind of strength.

00:00 – The ADHD All-In or Shut-Down Cycle
Jessica and Jeannine open with humor and honesty about living in extremes — why ADHD brains struggle to find the middle ground.

00:25 – Welcome to Angry on the Inside
The hosts reintroduce themselves and clarify that these are lived experiences, not prescriptions — just real ADHD life talk.

01:14 – Rest vs. Laziness: The Myth That Won’t Die
Exploring how ADHD, guilt, and conditioning make rest feel like failure — and how internalized “lazy” narratives start young.

02:42 – Feeling Perceived: ADHD, Help, and Hyper-Independence
Why asking for help feels unsafe, how judgment shapes masking, and why many ADHD women equate support with weakness.

09:31 – Burnout and the Invisible Labor Load
The conversation expands to hidden ADHD exhaustion — mental load, resentment, and constant overdrive that never fully stops.

11:37 – Social Media, Comparison, and Negative Independence
Jeannine’s “rage about social media” leads into how ADHD brains chase impossible standards and equate worth with output.

11:48 – The Perfectionist Cycle
Jessica outlines the 5-step ADHD perfectionism loop — unrealistic expectations, avoidance, paralysis, missed deadlines, shame.

16:17 – Reframing and Self-Compassion
They unpack the role of reframing, self-talk, and running “in beta” — learning to release perfection and honor the process.

21:28 – What Else Could Be True? Tools vs. Tricks
How to question assumptions, celebrate progress, and shift language — moving from “or” to “and” thinking for ADHD balance.

22:41 – That’s Not Normal: Turning Rest into Competition
The classic AOI segment returns with ADHD humor: rest metrics, calendar guilt, and productivity cosplay gone wrong.

23:57 – Reclaiming the Gray
From black-and-white thinking to naming what’s real — awareness as control, and permission to rest without earning it.

24:33 – Outro: Still Learning to Live in the Gray
Signature AOI close — messy, funny, human. “If rest feels like guilt, you’re not alone… Maybe not. And that’s okay.”