128. Was the Affair Partner Better? The Truth About Comparison

2025-03-05

After infidelity, it’s almost impossible not to compare yourself to the affair partner. Were they more attractive? More exciting? Did they have something you didn’t? The mind starts ranking you against them, like a game of Top Trumps, where someone’s ‘stats’ must be higher. But here’s the truth: this mindset is a trap. In this episode, join me Luke Shillings as I break down why we compare ourselves to the affair partner, why it makes us feel worse, and how to stop measuring our worth based on someone else’s actions. Because the reality is, infid...

After infidelity, it’s almost impossible not to compare yourself to the affair partner. Were they more attractive? More exciting? Did they have something you didn’t? The mind starts ranking you against them, like a game of Top Trumps, where someone’s ‘stats’ must be higher.

But here’s the truth: this mindset is a trap.

In this episode, join me Luke Shillings as I break down why we compare ourselves to the affair partner, why it makes us feel worse, and how to stop measuring our worth based on someone else’s actions. Because the reality is, infidelity isn’t about someone being ‘better’, it’s about circumstances, unmet needs, and choices.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “What do they have that I don’t?”—this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways:

✔️ Why we instinctively compare ourselves to the affair partner.

✔️ The Top Trumps Effect—why we rank ourselves in different ‘categories’ of worth.

✔️ The illusion of ‘better’—why affair partners aren’t the reason for the betrayal.

✔️ How to shift from comparison to confidence in your self-worth.

✔️ Practical steps to stop the self-doubt spiral.

💬 Question for you: Have you found yourself stuck in comparison? How did you shift out of it? Drop a comment or DM me, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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