Toy Soldiers – Sex Crazed and Bootleg Vodka Strong

Toy Soldiers is the proof that Samwise Gamgee isn't just a stupid, fat Hobbit. He was once a dickish prep school kid, who played by his own rules.

Despite his poor behaviors and utter disrespect for authority, he's also capable of heroic feats.

That is the central concept behind Toy Soldiers—trust fund kids versus Colombian terrorists. Like all Die Hard-inspired films, we know how it will end—improbably and with a dose of good old American spirit!

Though it is now considered a cult classic, this isn't one of the finer clones of the 1988 classic that spawned the genre. Is it serviceable? Sure. But there's a reason it flopped, grossing just above $15 million on a budget of $10 million; and its 41% on Rotten Tomatoes isn't exactly off the mark.

But, hey, where else are you going to get to see a bunch of horny teens best vaguely racist depictions of South American ne'er-do-wells?! 

Now, sit back, smuggle in a few This is Growing Up Hazy IPAs from Roses by the Stairs, and swap those circuits! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake may be a bunch of rejects, but we're going to save the day!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Terrorists have taken over Regis Academy, and they're about to receive a lesson they will never forget!
• Lingering Questions – Who would be our go-to hero to rescue these prep school dorks in their time of need? (27:09)
• The "What's Pazanpans" Trivia Challenge – The Thunderous Wizard challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (39:39)
• Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue our Try Hard Flops series with the lesser of the crisis in D.C. movies, White House Down! (51:16)

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!