Napoleon (2023)

2025-01-29

We’re nearing the end of week 5 of our director theme for January and it’s time for the third of “SIR RIDLEY SCOTT’S LAST FOUR” and this historical biographical epic certainly seemed, on the surface, like a lay up for award bait. It made money but didn’t do much inspiring. Sure it’s weird as hell having English accents pretending to be French but we know how this Hollywood shit does. We didn’t dismiss Ridley Scott’s 2023 film “NAPOLEON” starring Joaquin Phoenix and Vanessa Kirby as much as many because we found it to be a fun time at the movies that, at the very least, made us more curious as to how the history actually was. Angela (who sounds like RFK Jr. in this recording) likes that freaky deaky Josephine stuff. You can’t go under a three point five when you got Joaquin as “Big Dawg Bonaparte” yipping like a puppy for some puss. Then there’s all the war. The dad boner special. Some massacred Austrians just for the boys. Personally, I think we need classic metal to be utilized in future war movies. Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, 70s Scorpions. Sails of Charon, brother. Who wouldn’t want to listen to “In Trance” while watching Napoleon is eat pussy, an activity the French invented. Or was it India? We’re all over the place, honestly. Let’s hope the sicko sessions end soon. There’s actually a scene in this movie where a man complains of having his succulent meal interrupted just like the video of that guy who got arrested outside of the Chinese restaurant. That guy passed away. RIP to that guy, my personal emperor. Put the crown atop your head, succulent Chinese meal guy. We love you.

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