The Land of the Wounded: Mental Health and PR

We can all say we’re OK. But after the past few years, are we? As co-host Karen Swim says, so many of us are walking around held together “with spit and duct tape.” In this episode we talk about how we can work on our mental health.

 

Read about the PR News poll. 

 

Transcript

 

The Land of the Wounded: Mental Health and PR
That Solo Life Episode 205

Michelle Kane (00:02):

Thank you for joining an episode of That Solo Life, the podcast for PR pros and marketers who work for themselves, people like me, Michelle Kane, with VoiceMatters and my wonderful co-host, Karen Swim of Solo PR Pro. Hi Karen, how are you today?

Karen Swim (00:18):

I'm good, Michelle. Hello. Hello. How are you doing?

Michelle Kane (00:22):

I'm good. Yeah. You know, good

Karen Swim (00:26):

in all the weirdness of PR land

Michelle Kane (00:29):

And boy can it get weird. Yeah. That's why we thought today it would be wise to talk, just a little check in about mental health. Because even though we both just said we're good, seems like I, I love what you said earlier, Karen, before we started this episode of everyone's just kind of walking around keeping it together with spit and duct tape, .

Karen Swim (00:53):

Yeah. It's so true and so unfortunate. And, you know, we started planning ahead for this topic when this article came out in PR news. And it was a poll asked, and the question posed was, do PR employees feel comfortable discussing mental health struggles? And 68% of people said no. Now granted, this was a small poll. However, you and I have no problems believing this. And I believe that this plays into the bigger narrative of traditionally work has been that place where people expect you to have nothing wrong with you. It's why pre pandemic people would have a cold and they would come to work, they'd get the flu, and as long as they could walk, they would come to work. You would say, “Are you okay?” Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Because that's the American way. Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Yeah.

Michelle Kane (01:55):

Yes, exactly.

Karen Swim (01:56):

I'm fine. You know, people would die and you would work. And , we pr pros, we took that into our own businesses and we amplified it because suddenly we not only felt like it wasn't okay not to be okay, but that we had to be triple okay. Because it was our own business, so we could never take the time to tend to ourselves.

Michelle Kane (02:18):

Right. Right.

Karen Swim (02:20):

And I would love to say that the pandemic changed all of that at a corporate level, but it did not. What did change is our awareness that we're not okay. Everybody is dealing with something. And it's been, I think we all had this hope, which is why there was a part of the pandemic that was a happy time for everybody. We were breaking bread, we were listening to music, we were gathering together, and we were like, we're going to get through this because we truly believed that there would be an end and that there would be a better new normal. Right. What we experienced was continuing series of trauma. And in PR specifically, our industry has undergone massive waves of change. The media landscape is different, clients are different. And we have the economic challenges. It's just, it's a lot.

Michelle Kane (03:20):

It's a lot.

Karen Swim (03:21):

And it, it breaks my heart that we all have our stuff, we all have our days, we all have our moments where we may be experiencing anxiety, depression, and we feel like we have to present to the world and to our clients this front of I'm okay.

Michelle Kane (03:41):

Yeah.

Karen Swim (03:42):

And you know, there's a part of us that thinks nobody wants to hear that we, or if I say I'm not okay, then what? You know, I have to exude trust and confidence. And if I'm not okay, they won't trust me.

Michelle Kane (04:01):

Exactly. And, we're moreso that in our business where it's our job to keep everyone together, to keep it together, to present the perfect, not false, but to present the best front possible and really represent well. And a couple of things you touched on, now granted I've only ever lived in this country, but it just feels so American, the whole pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Never let 'em see you sweat. I mean, when you were talking about that in the workplace, my gosh. You would never show any glimmer. You’d be “Oh no, everything's fine. I've got it together,” because I am a fiercely, highly competent person who is going to give my best and my all to you, workplace. I'll just cry on the way home. It's fine. .

Karen Swim (04:51):

I mean, I have to tell you that growing up in California and moving to the Midwest, and even though my parents were Midwesterners, I didn't, they were different. Moving to the Midwest, I really have to protect myself from that Midwestern like grit. It's inspiring in some ways, but they don't do complaints in the Midwest. You just don't complain. You just get or done. It's like, well, lost my leg yesterday. I'm going to go out for a walk today. You know, I've known people that have had surgeries and they're not even supposed to be out of the house and they refuse to ask for help.

I would walk your dog. Yeah, no, they're just going to take their cane and they're walker and they're going to hobble along when they're not even supposed to be out of bed and they're going to do it. And I heard someone the other day say there was a couple and the woman was alone and we inquired after her husband and she goes, yeah, you know, he can only walk so far now. And then one of the other, one of our other friends said, well, if you can't walk, you gotta walk. And if you don't walk, you won't be able to walk. And so his solution is like, if you stop…and I feel like this is the message that we send to PR pros. Like, if you don't grit it out, if you don't bear up, if you don't brute force it through, then you're gonna be terrible.

 

Instead of saying, sometimes you can't walk. You really can’t walk. You need support to get back on your feet to walk. You can't take another step. You are incapable of doing it. Whether it is a psychological challenge or whether it's an actual physical challenge. And, I want to, we would be remiss in saying we're not experts, we are not mental health professionals. This is just PR pros inside talk. Yeah. Sometimes your issues could be some type of imbalance. It could be a nutritional deficiency, it could be a vitamin deficiency, it could be something physical, it could be a hormonal imbalance. So don't ignore it and don't brute force your way through it. Talk to somebody, talk to your doctor.

Michelle Kane (07:16):

Yeah. I think

Karen Swim (07:17):

Get to your doctor these days. .

Michelle Kane (07:20):

I know there are now, so I've got the Pennsylvania Dutch work ethic side of this. It's similar to the Midwest work ethic. You just do it. And I think it's also coupled with being two generations away from the depression era. Hearing my grandmother say, “Oh, but you can't leave that company. They've been good to you.” I'm like, that's not about them, it's about me. But I do know that there are several companies in my region large, like, feeding the eastern seaboard companies, that they have always had an EAP program, an employee assistance program where they will say, “Hey, we have an arrangement with this mental health facility if you have an issue.” Which I thought was really enlightened of them. I don't know if that stemmed from experience, I don't know. So even as you seek to work with clients, if you get a vibe that they don’t give that kind of support, then it might be an unhealthy relationship.

And just to touch on your point about our global trauma that we've been through. I don't know about you, but it's funny, it's often the little things that can trip me up. But if it's like a big crisis, like, okay, let's get to the ER and we can deal, deal, deal, deal, deal, deal. And it's not till maybe a month or two after that, after you've dealt, you're just, ugh. And I get the vibe that globally that's where we are. We got through the big, heavy, scary thing. And even though scary things are still happening, we're just like, so, you know, I know many of our peers or our clients have struggled with getting people, oh, people don't want to come to events, they don't want to do this. I'm like, we're still processing a lot of stuff and realigning ourselves, and speaking into that could be, maybe you're just not right enough yet. You know, I was sharing with you before recording and you know, maybe it's my stage in life, maybe it's a whole lot of things, but I go to things and I enjoy them, but as I'm enjoying them, I still sense a little flatness and I'm like, Hmm.

Karen Swim (09:23):

Yeah.

Michelle Kane (09:24):

Is that because I'm burdened by worrying about work? Is it just, is it all that or is this just life in this era? I don't know.

Karen Swim (09:36):

But, and I think we can't accept that right. Because, and let's face it, like even getting back to quote unquote some normalcy, normal is not normal. Nothing is like it was. And so I have learned to say, you know what, I'm not going to be so hard on myself because we, there's this constant wave of change and you're trying to find your footing and then you try to do things that you used to do, but nothing really is quite the same and no one is quite the same. Whether you can pretend that you are, but we are not, none of us not one single person on this earth. Because I, I think we also sometimes forget that Covid was not a United States pandemic. This was global. And I think, you know, of course as PR professionals, we can't vomit on our clients.

We shouldn't do that. If you're at work, you, you shouldn't be vomiting on your colleagues either. I would love to see more corporate workplaces understand that. We used to think of the workforce as this monolithic unit and basically you divorced people from every other part of themselves when they came to work. They were a worker. That's it. They were a worker. They just do their work. You didn't care about their issues. You didn't care if they had children. And people felt like they couldn't disclose things. I was, it was heartbreaking to hear that there are women some of our solo PR pro members that didn't really want to share that they were moms because they felt like that would be considered a disability and I just we're done with that world. And as PR pros, we should be advocating and we should be checking in with our clients as well to ensure that their culture is not, it is not toxic for their own employees.

I mean, we can play a role in helping them to create these healthy cultures that recognize that human beings are full human beings with full lives and sometimes they have stuff going on. And this is not necessarily copping out and giving people an excuse to not be great at work. It's creating an environment that lets people thrive. It's creating tools for people when they struggle and understanding that it's okay to struggle. It's having benefits programs that really align with their needs and really saying, “Hey, it's okay.” Making it okay to take a day off without providing a reason. I even hate that we call it a “mental health day.” Because it's nobody's business. If you're having a day and you need a break, you need a reset that should be your business and you should be able to take it. Period. No questions asked.

Michelle Kane (12:40):

And, I think there is a certain freedom in a workplace that has that level of understanding of, you know, I might be the best worker you ever have, but that does not mean I have to be that every day, every minute, all the time. I mean it's, look, it's unrealistic.

Karen Swim (13:01):

It is.

Michelle Kane (13:02):

But the attitude still pervades out there. And I think sometimes we can perhaps wield that with ourselves. I was having a conversation with a couple of colleagues and they were having trouble just kind of ramping down, having come off a super-hot urgent all hands on deck project. And then suddenly everything felt that way. And I thought, where are you going except smashing into an eventual wall. Like, not everything is urgent. You don't have to speed through all the things.

Karen Swim (13:36):

I see that from colleagues too, where it's not only the urgency, but it's the stress, the unnecessary stress. You know, the client's going to be mad because we didn't get media this week. Okay. But this is the way that it works. Now we pitch stuff and we get an answer a month later. We secure opportunities and then it takes four months to publish. We've secured opportunities that are not publishing until 2024. What does that say about the landscape to you?

Michelle Kane (14:07):

Wow. That's incredible. But, here's the essence of it. You secured opportunities, so it should be all good. But yeah, I get that. I even get that mental tape in my head sometimes of, oh my gosh, if I don't turn this in today, they're going to yell at me. And then I had to sit myself down and go, Michelle, now hopefully I didn't just jinx myself. I'm like, when has a client ever called you on the phone or texted you screaming?

Karen Swim (14:33):

And I would venture to say, some of us, especially in the past couple of years, we've experienced some toxic clients. We've all had toxic clients. But I would venture to say that our audience, because we have a very smart audience, and I believe that our members particularly, they all have integrity. They're good at their jobs and they are thoughtful and they're conscientious. And we're not saying be less conscientious, but we're saying be conscientious for your own needs as well.  There are several things that you can do. One is to realize that you're not broken. You are not an outlier. You're not the only person that may be having a season of struggle. Two is talk to some type of professional, whether it's your nutritionist, whether it your physician, telehealth appointment, mental health app, to, to make sure that you are not missing signs of something that has an underlying reason.

You don't want to do that. So you don't want to ignore, if you're feeling kind of blue and or you're feeling kind of tired or you're not sleeping, don't just chalk it up to it'll get better. Because so often these things do not resolve on them their own. Don't be afraid to get support. Whatever that support turns out to be for you, it's okay. And then I would say one of the things that one of my clients really highlighted for me that is so powerful. So I work with this group called Circles and they have this app and it's online, it's on demand support groups. And he created it out of some personal experiences based on the premise that people, there's therapeutic value when people help people who are going through the same exact thing. So, if you're somebody who's been through a divorce, your ears perk up when you talk to somebody who has been through a divorce and they know exactly what you're talking about. If you've lost a parent, somebody else who lost a parent, their words resonate so powerfully with you. There's power in that.

Well, as PR pros, no one but us really understands our job. No one understands what we're going through with clients and business development and the climate that we're in. So don't cut yourself off from your colleagues because even if you're not getting together to say, “Oh my God, I can't sleep at night, I'm having anxiety,” you can at least get together and share some of the things that are causing you agita. And with people who will not judge you, who understand. And there's such comfort in that.  So, you know, like when Michelle and I talk, I always walk away laughing and feeling better. Because we get to kvetch with one another and she gets it and I get it. And so it's therapeutic. Do not dismiss the power in tapping into people who share your values. Don't isolate yourself even though you may feel like it because you're not feeling your best. You need to reach out and talk to someone. It's one of the reasons why this month, I set up these solo sessions where I offered up, I opened up some slots in my calendar for people to just book time to just chat with me one-on-one. Just us no recordings, nothing shared outside of me and that person and open enough for them to talk about whatever they needed to talk about in that moment. It's not a lot, but it's something that so many people took advantage of because they need it that time.

Michelle Kane (18:32):

That's huge. I couch myself as an, an extroverted introvert, so right away I'm wired for solitude more or less. But it's not until you either push yourself to get out there that you realize, okay, I needed to be out with people. Yesterday I had an 8:00 AM coffee meeting. On paper that sounds horrible. But I was so rejuvenated by the end of that hour conversation, I felt so much better about starting my day. And I thought, huh, maybe I should do this every day. And I thought, ugh, . So yes, I have a little ways to go, but it can be with PR peers, and it could even be colleagues. I know I have some in-house colleagues in my region that may be the only PR person in their company or something. And if we'll just do 15-minute vents, “Hey, how you doing? Blah, blah, blah. And you're like, can you believe it? No, I don't believe it. Yeah. Okay. So, you know, I I'm glad that we've both established, neither of us sucks. We're competent.” .

Karen Swim (19:42):

Yeah. I mean, it

Michelle Kane (19:43):

Just keep rolling with it.

Karen Swim (19:45):

It’s worth it sometimes to go to a networking event or go to a workshop, an in-person workshop and learn something new because that's energizing. Learn something that's different from PR. Go take an art class, take a gardening class, invite somebody to go for a walk with you. It doesn't always have to be like, yeah, let's have dinner, let's have lunch. Those things are great too. But, you know, see if there's another colleague like, “Hey, you want to take a walk and just take advantage of the weather being nice enough to do that?” Because you will be rejuvenated. And so the isolation only makes things worse. And I think we're here today to tell you that you are not alone. You are not the only person dealing with whatever you're dealing with. Whatever it is, and however big it seems in your head, I promise you you're not alone. If Belle could talk, she would tell you stories.  She’d say, “I didn't know what to get, but I tried to get the thing that was making mommy cry. And so I barked at it, but I didn't know what I was barking at, but I was trying to help and so I just went to mommy and I'm like, mommy, tell me what to get and I'll make it better for you. But I couldn't see it.”

Michelle Kane (20:58):

Yeah. And you know what? I mean, everybody's got something.

Karen Swim (21:02):

Yeah. Everybody has something, you know, whatever, whatever. It's like.

Michelle Kane (21:07):

Yeah. And, and, and I clearly

Karen Swim (21:08):

You're not alone.

Michelle Kane (21:09):

I guarantee even the most perfectly presenting person that has it all together, they got their own stuff. They just aren't as comfortable showing it. And that could be even with themselves,

Karen Swim (21:23):

Which is why you also honestly, when I have those sensitive moments, I do not look at social media. I'll go to groups. Because, you know, again, it's protecting myself from things that are triggers. And, so I think you have to understand what your triggers are too and protect yourself from those things. The news can be a trigger, too much information sometimes is not necessarily a blessing. And I know we PR pros, we're wired to think that we have to know all of the things all of the time. You do not. Whatever those triggers are, sometimes you just need to get in your own little bubble and not go there. So it's true. Don't be afraid to do that. It's okay.

Michelle Kane (22:08):

It doesn't have to be a big fat retreat, it can just be an hour break or something. You know, indulge in something that you really want to do or what you need to do. I know for me, I like to go to the movies, but sometimes it's just, I need to sit in a dark room with nasty popcorn and be available to no one. So if that's your thing, by all means do it. Ultimately, I feel like it's silly coming out of my mouth, but I know it's not because I don't practice it as much as I should. It's okay to take care of yourself.

Karen Swim (22:47):

Oh my gosh. It really is. It's not only okay, it's good for business because if you're good then you're going to do good work and you're not going to be brute forcing your way through it. So please do. Take time off. Go get a massage. I like massages. I know everybody doesn't, whatever it is that makes you feel that joy that makes you feel restored and balanced, make time, treat yourself with care and love and respect. You should not be treating other people better than you treat yourself.

Michelle Kane (23:30):

That is so true. And I know for many of us, that is a really, really difficult lesson to learn. And, hey, real talk right now. I am so ridiculous. How ridiculous am I? Let's see, I've had, my foot's been sore for maybe a month. I finally got tired of my foot being sore and I was like, Hmm, there's nothing external. So I went to the podiatrist and I said, yeah, it's been about a month. They're like, oh, well it's this tendon, the tendon is irritated, so do these calf stretches. And I said, oh, so you mean if I had gone to my yoga class like I should have been doing for the past six months, I wouldn't be here . That, that's how ridiculous I am, and I'm sure there's many of you nodding about that. So if I had invested in taking care of myself rather than doing one more hour of work, because ooh, gotta hit those numbers. So, we're all learning.

Karen Swim (24:25):

We’re all still learning. We hope this has helped you to take a deep breath, to feel like you are not alone. We hope that you are inspired to take better care of yourself, to make time for your own needs. That's not being selfish, it's not being a terrible worker. You're not a terrible PR pro. You're a great business owner, but you have to care for yourself. And if you have suggestions or things that have worked for you, as always, we always love to hear from you. Please hit us up on any of the social media channels and use the hashtag #soloPR so that we know and we can spot those because we track that hashtag

Michelle Kane (25:10):

Yeah, we would love that. We would love that. So we definitely want to hear from you and please, if you have a friend that you think needs to hear this or if you need to listen to it a lot, because I may need to listen to this a lot, who knows. But we do, we value that you give us your valuable time. So until next time, thanks for listening to That Solo Life.