The Complex Algorithms of Giving

2022-04-09

People may love to give but they hate being asked to give. It’s almost as if there’s something accusatory about being asked to be generous - as if so far you weren’t, and here comes this person saying, gently but firmly, “why don’t you at least do it now?” It’s not that people can’t give - they can and they do. But there’s generally a calculation, a quick mental reconciliation of give-&-take, of subjective and objective returns, and a decision which is derivative - if the net result is a dopamine high, go for it. Else prevaricate.

It’s not that people can’t give - they can and they do. But there’s generally a calculation, a quick mental reconciliation of give-&-take, of subjective and objective returns, and a decision which is derivative - if the net result is a dopamine high, go for it. Else prevaricate.

More insidious are the false promises, people who can’t say no on the face, because they are feckless, and can’t face their own truths and enunciate them. These are people who can, who should, but won’t - they fudge, they lie, they want the proposal to die out of sheer tiredness.

But what about the time a person is duty bound to lend a hand? When morally, as a countryman, as a co-citizen, a co-human, as someone who speaks out against injustice, as someone who commiserated, who shed tears, about what can and what should be rectified, what about such a person? What do you do with them, when they refuse to reach out or reach in?

In the schemata of life, one needs to simply go on and ask. Show, talk, make aware, and then again - show, talk, make aware. Often, change comes in tiptoes, it enters hearts like a whisper, unheralded, suddenly. A continuous litany of no’s suddenly opens a corridor of acceptance - asking you to walk in. Why does it happen? Why does a person change? What makes a person change?

Deep within the complexity of our beings lies the tenderness of our essential goodness. We often ourselves don’t know our mind, or it’s mindfulness. Even as a person seems to be closed to us, there's a quiet awareness, a forever openness. And it requires a happenstance, a feeling, an experience, a sharing, a word, an unsolicited kindness, to suddenly open the person up. The revelation is not of a change of heart but a revelation that the heart always existed. All that this inherent goodness requires sometimes is a mirror to go behind the façade and show the person that he’s a much better person than he himself knew.

If you liked this poem, consider listening to these other poems which talk about generosity -