Marriage A to Z: Interdependence vs Independence

Independence & Interdependence

WHAT:
Define: 
Dependence: requiring someone or something for financial, emotional, or other support.
Independence: free from outside control; not depending on another's authority.
not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence.
capable of thinking or acting for oneself.
not connected with another or with each other; separate.
not depending on something else for strength or effectiveness; freestanding.
Interdependence: dependent upon one another : mutually dependent
Co-dependent
It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.

Infants: extremely dependent. But as grow, they learn independence. This is normal.

As single adult, you become very independent. Make own plans, own decisions, schedule. You have to change when get married. This can be a challenge!

Balance needed: You can’t become TOO independent, but you can’t become TOO dependent either.

Interdependence --- 
-- On God, your spouse, the church family
Your part and their part.

WHY important?
* Dependence – Builds connection. Like infant. Draw from the other; part of the whole. 
* Independence – Freedom, individuality, able to support others; without it, you can’t fully develop into the person you’re supposed to be
* Interdependence – foundation for relationships; united; in it together; rely on each other; can’t have a healthy relationship without being tied together.
You have to open up part of your life. Being closed keeps you from becoming interdependent. Suffer alone; keep help out. Church family, relationships in general can provide support.

HOW TO
Foundation is the connector – Holy Spirit and faith. You don’t just work it out and make it happen. 

Together, you rely on the Spirit. Being connected to spouse isn’t the goal, but mutually depending on the Lord. 

Shock absorbers/rubber band image. 
3-cord strand.

Contrast – we together stand on the foundation of God/faith, not standing on foundation of OUR relationship. This can be shaky or have problems. But if God is the foundation for each of us, and for us together, we can better face storms.