Words don’t matter!

Garth Heckman

TDAgiantslayer@Gmail.com 

The David Alliance

 

The life and times of Remus Reid

 

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Someone trying to manipulate you might display a range of traits aimed at gaining control or influencing your decisions and feelings. Here are some common ones:

Emotional Tactics:

 * Playing the Victim: They portray themselves as helpless or wronged to evoke your sympathy and make you feel obligated to help them.

 * Guilt-Tripping: They make you feel responsible for their problems or emotions, leading you to do things you wouldn't normally do.

 * Love Bombing: They overwhelm you with excessive attention, affection, and praise early on to create a strong emotional bond and make you more susceptible to their influence.

 * Playing on Your Insecurities: They identify your weaknesses and use them against you to undermine your confidence and make you dependent on them.

 * Emotional Blackmail: They threaten to harm themselves or others, or to withdraw affection if you don't comply with their demands.

 * Gaslighting: They distort or deny your reality, making you doubt your memory, perception, and sanity.

 * Using Charm and Flattery: They can be excessively nice and complimentary to disarm you and make you more agreeable.

 * Creating Chaos and Drama: They thrive on instability and may create conflicts to distract you or make you rely on them to resolve the issues.

 * Inconsistent Behavior: Their moods and actions can change unpredictably, keeping you off balance and making you try harder to please them.

Communication Tactics:

 * Lying and Deception: They may outright lie or omit information to control the narrative and achieve their goals.

 * Exaggeration and Generalization: They might exaggerate their own achievements or misfortunes and use sweeping statements to influence your opinion.

 * Blame Shifting: They avoid taking responsibility for their actions and instead blame others, including you.

 * Changing the Subject: They abruptly switch topics to avoid uncomfortable conversations or deflect scrutiny.

 * Vagueness and Indirect Communication: They may not clearly state their needs or intentions, making it easier to manipulate the situation later.

 * Using Confusion: They might use complex language or illogical arguments to confuse you and make you doubt your understanding.

 * Withholding Information: They strategically omit details to give you an incomplete picture and steer you in their desired direction.

Behavioral Tactics:

 * Boundary Violations: They disregard your personal boundaries and push your limits to see what they can get away with.

 * Controlling Behavior: They try to control aspects of your life, such as your time, money, or relationships.

 * Isolation: They may try to isolate you from your friends and family to increase your dependence on them.

 * Triangulation: They involve a third party to manipulate the situation, often by creating jealousy or using the third person to relay messages.

 * Pressuring You: They create a sense of urgency to make you act quickly without thinking.

 * Ignoring or Dismissing Your Needs: They prioritize their own needs and disregard your feelings and desires.

 * Playing the Martyr: They act as if they are making huge sacrifices for you to make you feel indebted to them.

It's important to remember that these traits can appear individually or in combination. Recognizing these patterns is the first step in protecting yourself from manipulation. Trust your instincts if something feels "off" in a relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

What does the Bible say about deception… well it actually comes down to one simple - not so simple thing: Words! Your mouth gives away your heart… but they are tied to your actions… meaning if I use the words “I love you… sounds good, but my words might be true OR they might be manipulative. So words are only as powerful as the actions behind them. 

Again… think on this:

If I say one thing and it is true - it proves my heart and my words back it up.

If I say one thing and it is not true according to my actions- then it is just as powerful in that it reveals my deception. 

 

 

Focus on Deception and Falsehood:

 * Speaking Lies and Deceit: The Bible frequently warns against lying and those who speak falsehoods. Manipulators often rely on deception to achieve their goals.

   * "Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight." (Proverbs 12:22)

   * "Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness speaks deceitfully." (Proverbs 12:17)

 * Having a Double Heart: This refers to those who say one thing but mean another, or who act with ulterior motives.

   * "They speak falsehood to one another; with flattering lips and a double heart they speak." (Psalm 12:2)

Emphasis on Selfishness and Pride:

 * Seeking Their Own Interests: Manipulators are often driven by their own selfish desires and disregard the needs of others.

   * "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." (Philippians 2:3-4) This verse highlights the contrast between selfless love and self-centeredness.

 * Boasting and Arrogance: Manipulators may inflate their own importance and achievements to impress and control others.

   * "The Lord detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished." (Proverbs 16:5)

Warning Against Flattery and Smooth Talk:

 * Using Flattering Words: Manipulators often use excessive praise and charm to disarm and influence their targets.

   * "A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet." (Proverbs 29:5)

   * "For there is no truth in their mouth; their inmost self is destruction; their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue." (Psalm 5:9)

Importance of Discernment and Wisdom:

 * Testing the Spirits: The Bible encourages believers to be discerning and not believe everything they hear.

   * "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world." (1 John 4:1) This principle can be applied to discerning the motives behind people's words and actions.

 * Seeking Wisdom: Wisdom allows you to see beyond surface appearances and understand people's true intentions.

   * "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." (James 1:5)

Focus on Actions and Fruits:

 * Judging by Their Fruits: Jesus taught that we can recognize people by the results of their actions. Manipulative individuals often leave a trail of broken relationships, hurt feelings, and negative consequences.

   * "You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So also, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit." (Matthew 7:16-17)

The Contrast with Genuine Love and Humility:

 * True Love is Selfless: Biblical love (agape) is characterized by selflessness, patience, kindness, and a focus on the well-being of others – the opposite of manipulation.

   * "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

 * Humility Values Others: Genuine humility leads to valuing others above oneself, which stands in stark contrast to the manipulator's self-centeredness.

In summary, while the Bible doesn't provide a checklist of "manipulator traits," it equips us with principles to discern those who operate in deceit, selfishness, and pride. By focusing on truth, humility, genuine love, and the fruits of their actions, we can gain wisdom in recognizing and protecting ourselves from manipulative individuals.