Col. (Ret.) Nicole Malachowski ’96 - How Leader’s Defy Life’s Gravity

Col. (Ret.) Nicole Malachowski ’96 shares her insights on leadership, resilience, resurgence, perseverance, advocacy, and how she continues to serve her country, even after her military career.

----more----

A SHOW NOTE:  There are two ways to learn from Col. Malachowski's leadership journey.

 - If you're short on time, the audio version delivers the highlights of her stories in 40 minutes. Her leadership bites, takeaways, keys to leadership and transcript are below.

 - The video version is 1:46:00 and is well worth the investment of your time. This version includes stories and details about the Colonel's journey she hasn't shared before. Click the "Play" button in the video above and settle in for a most enlightening conversation. 

 

SUMMARY

Col. (Ret.) Nicole Malachowski ’96 is a trailblazer who has broken barriers in both military aviation and advocacy. She was one of the first women to fly combat fighter aircraft, accruing more than 2,300 flight hours in six different aircraft and serving in multiple high-stakes missions, including Operations Deliberate Forge and Iraqi Freedom.

But her story doesn’t end there. As the first woman to fly with the U.S. Air Force Thunderbirds, a White House Fellow, and a key advisor on military and veterans' issues, Nicole’s career has been defined by leadership at the highest levels. After being medically retired due to a Tick-Borne Illness, she turned her focus to advocacy, leading efforts to improve care for the wounded, ill, and injured service members through the Air Force Wounded Warrior Program.

Now a passionate advocate for Tick-Borne Disease research, Nicole serves on several national committees and advisory boards, including the Department of Defense's Congressionally Directed Medical Research Program.

 

NICOLE'S LEADERHIP BITES

• "Leadership is a journey."
• "The runway behind you is always unusable."
• "Don't think you have to be perfect to be a leader."
• "Believe those who believe in you."
• "Nobody wants to lead a scripted life."
• "Courage, compassion, and curiosity drive me today."
• "It's okay to admit when you make mistakes."

 

SHARE THIS EPISODE

LINKEDIN  |  TWITTER  |  FACEBOOK

 

TAKEAWAYS

1. Leadership is personal - It's about understanding what motivates and drives each individual on your team, and tailoring your approach accordingly.

2. Believe in those who believe in you - Mentors like Mick Jaggers who supported and encouraged Nicole were pivotal in her development as a leader.

3. Don't write yourself or others out of the script - As General Matthews told Nicole, "Nobody wants to lead a scripted life." Embrace opportunities to dream big and take risks.

4. Radical acceptance is key - When Nicole's military career ended unexpectedly, learning to accept the situation allowed her to move forward and find new purpose.

5. Personal values guide your path - Nicole's core values of courage, compassion and curiosity have been instrumental in navigating life's challenges and reinventing herself.

 

CHAPTERS

00:00  The Journey of Leadership

02:01  Colonel Malachowski's Early Life and Aspirations

06:01  Navigating the Air Force Academy

09:46  Leadership Lessons from Soaring

14:07  Overcoming Challenges in Pilot Training

17:50  Key Leadership Experiences in the Air Force

21:59  Becoming a Thunderbird Pilot

25:47  Transitioning to Civilian Life

30:02  Advocacy and New Beginnings

34:09  Personal Values and Resilience

37:54  Final Thoughts on Leadership

 

NICOLE'S KEYS TO LEADERSHIP SUCCESS

• Leadership is a journey that requires growth and learning.
• It's okay to admit mistakes and seek help.
• Resilience is key to overcoming challenges.
• Personal values guide decision-making and actions.
• Mentorship plays a crucial role in personal and professional development.
• Failure is often the price of entry for success.
• Authentic leadership is about understanding and connecting with people.
• The importance of representation in leadership roles.
• Transitioning to civilian life can be a new beginning.
• Embrace opportunities and seize the moment.

 

ABOUT NICOLE

BIO

Colonel Nicole Malachowski (USAF, Ret.) is a pioneering leader whose distinguished career spans combat aviation, military advocacy, and public service. As one of the first women to fly fighter jets, Nicole’s journey included over 188 combat hours and multiple leadership roles, including F-15E Flight Commander, Instructor Pilot, and Flight Lead. She also made history as the first woman to fly with the USAF Thunderbirds.

Throughout her career, Nicole demonstrated exceptional leadership, serving in high-level roles such as a White House Fellow and Executive Director of the ‘Joining Forces’ program, where she advised the First Lady and Dr. Jill Biden on veterans' issues.

After being medically retired due to a neurological Tick-Borne Illness, Nicole transitioned to a new mission: advocating for service members, veterans, and others impacted by chronic illnesses. She’s a leader in the national Tick-Borne Disease community, serving on key advisory boards and government committees, and actively mentoring wounded veterans through the Air Force Wounded Warrior Program.

Nicole is also a sought-after speaker, author, and consultant, sharing her experiences of overcoming adversity and breaking barriers to inspire the next generation of leaders. Her accomplishments include two master's degrees, induction into the Women in Aviation Pioneer Hall of Fame, and founding her own speaking and consulting firm.

Today, Nicole continues to serve and lead, using her story to drive change and impact communities across the country.

 - Adapted from Col. Malachowski's bio at nicholemalachowski.com

 

READ NICOLE'S FULL STORY HERE

 

 

CONNECT WITH NICOLE

LINKEDIN  |  FACEBOOK  |  INSTAGRAM  |  NICOLE'S LINKTREE

 

 

ABOUT LONG BLUE LEADERSHIP

Long Blue Leadership drops every two weeks on Tuesdays and is available on Apple Podcasts, TuneIn + Alexa, Spotify and all your favorite podcast platforms. Search @AirForceGrads on your favorite social channels for Long Blue Leadership news and updates!

    

 

 

ABRIDGED AUDIO TRANSCRIPT

DOWNLOAD THE UNABRIDGED VIDEO TRANSCRIPT HERE 

SPEAKERS

GUEST:  Col. (Ret.) Nicole Malachowski ’96  |  HOST:  Lt. Col. (Ret.) Naviere Walkewicz ’99

 

SPEAKERS

Naviere Walkewicz, Nicole Malachowski

 

Nicole Malachowski  00:11

You know, leadership is a journey. We're always put into positions that we're supposed to grow into. Don't think you have to be perfect to be a leader. It's okay to admit when you make mistakes, it's okay to ask for help, and it's okay to have failures, as long as you overcome them. And I like to remind folks at all levels of leadership, you know that the runway behind you is always unusable. All you ever have is the runway that's in front of you.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  00:34

My guest today is Colonel Retired Nicole Malachowski, USAFA class of ’96. Her career has been nothing short of extraordinary. Colonel Malachowski is perhaps best known as the first woman to fly as a pilot with the Thunderbirds, a singular distinction that set her path to reaching even greater heights. However, what you might not know is that her journey took an unexpected turn when she faced a sudden life altering loss of her place in the Air Force. The challenges that followed were extreme and personal, but through them, Colonel malikowski demonstrated a resilience and strength that not only transformed her own life, but also empowered her to help others with their own struggles. In today's conversation, we'll dive deep into the personal and professional journey that led her to transition to civilian life, the lessons she learned from the hardships she faced along the way, and how she now advocates for others, sharing the wisdom she's gained from the tough battles she's fought and won. We'll also take a look back at her time at the academy, her experiences as a pilot and the leadership principles that have guided Colonel malikowski, she has become a powerful voice for resilience, perseverance and leadership, and I'm excited to hear her insights on all of these topics. Colonel Malachowski, may I call you Nicole?

 

Nicole Malachowski  02:34

Yes, please.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  02:34

Welcome to Long Blue Leadership, and thank you for being here.

 

Nicole Malachowski  02:37

Thank you for having me.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  02:38

It's a pleasure. It truly is. I think one of the things that's so exciting for our listeners is really getting to know you. And you know, I think there's no question about who you are in the media, I mean, all the things you've accomplished, but some things that are most special is when we just sit down and kind of get to know you behind the scenes.

 

Nicole Malachowski  02:53

Indeed, let's do it.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  02:54

So let's go back to even before the Academy. Where did you grow up? Where are you from? And what were you like as a little girl?

 

Nicole Malachowski  03:00

Sure, yeah. So I was actually born in central California, in a town called Santa Maria, and I was born, I consider very lucky, because I was born a woman in America, so there was a lot of opportunities, you know, afforded to me. Also very lucky to be born into a solid, you know, middle class family, you know, I was a kid who always had a roof over my head and food on the table, which makes it a lot easier, right, for you to seize opportunities and to be your best. And think it's important that we acknowledge that not everybody is born into that position. And so I was very, very lucky, I will tell you, I was definitely the loner, definitely an introvert. Always have been. A lot of people would be surprised by that, but I am a solid INFJ on the Myers Briggs, but as a young kid, just very quiet, kept to myself. I was very much a dreamer, very curious about things, so I loved to dive into books. I loved school. I was the kid that would take my lunch box, you know, out into the middle of the football field by myself and just stare up at the sky and the clouds moving by, and dream about things. I remember being in the Girl Scouts during junior high we moved down towards Southern California, where I learned about Civil Air Patrol, and then from there, in high school, we actually made a big move to Las Vegas, Nevada. I continued my time in Civil Air Patrol as a cadet, but also joined the Air Force Junior ROTC at my high school.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  04:16

I'm just drawn to this visual of you with your lunch box in the middle of the football field looking up at this guy. So were you dreaming about flying?

 

Nicole Malachowski  04:24

I was, you know, I went to an air show when I was five years old, and I remember seeing an f4 phantom fly by, and it flew by so low, and it was so loud, I had to cover my ears. And I remember, like, my chest rumbling, you know, the smell of jet fuel. And I remember thinking, man, like there's a person in there, like, I want to be, you know, that person. And I had come from a family that, you know, honored and respected military service. So both of my grandfathers were career military my father had been drafted into the army during Vietnam. So I knew that, like, you know, military service was honorable and noble and good. And when I discovered that that was a military plane. I remember as a kid putting one plus one is two. I'm like, wait, you can fly jets and serve in the military. That's what I'm going to be. And wow, that was around 1979 and that's right, there are no boundaries on things. So looking up at the sky, watching planes, and of course, in high school in particular, moving to Las Vegas, Nevada, because Nellis Air Force bases there. So, I mean, I would watch the red flag launches and watch how those jets fly. And of course, I would see the six ship of Thunderbirds flying by as a kid, thinking that was pretty cool. So to be honest, I set my sights on the Air Force Academy in elementary school.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  05:34

Oh, my goodness.

 

Nicole Malachowski  05:35

Yeah. So when I was five and decided to be a fighter pilot, you had decided, I mean, I was maniacally, maniacally focused. I did not have a backup plan. I am so lucky that things worked out because I have no idea what else I would have done, you know, with my career, but I remember in sixth grade, I wrote a letter to the Air Force Academy. They responded. The admissions office responded with a personalized letter letting me know I'm kind of young to apply now, but here's the application process. They sent me a whole bunch of Air Force Academy swag, and that was it sixth grade. I was going to the Air Force Academy, goodness, when you were actually old enough to apply. Now to the academy.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  06:13

Let's talk about that process. What was it like for you? Well, I mean, I think it was more exciting than anything else. I told you. I had stayed maniacally focused. I was very particular and organized about prioritizing how my application would look. So of course, I strove to have the good grades, and obviously stayed involved with the activities like Civil Air Patrol or participating in sports like running cross country and track, as well as doing, you know, community service type activities. So I was indeed focused on making sure that application looked good. I remember the thing I was probably the most nervous about were those interviews with your, you know, senators and your representatives, and wondering if I was going to be able to interview well. So I was, you know, putting my best foot forward. And I remember my senior year, it was approximately October, maybe coming up on November about this time, right? And I went to the mailbox to get the mail, and I had the application had already been in, right? Because everything was done before the fall, and I saw this giant envelope from the Air Force Academy. And I thought, No way, because it's only like October or November. And I started shaking, and I opened it right there at the mailbox. I had to go up the street. I opened it, and I feel bad because I think I littered like the envelope all over the street, but I remember opening it up, and the first line was, congratulations. You know, you've been accepted to the class of 1996 and I instantaneously just started crying and running as fast as I could back to my house.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  07:38

Had you been to the Academy prior to the acceptance?

 

Nicole Malachowski  07:41

No, never stood a foot on at all. And I remember when my parents came to drop me off for for Jacks Valley and everything basic training, when we came up over that hill, over Monument Hill, and you can see the chapel and the kind of imposing, you know, white buildings on a hill, I was like, Oh, wow, that's extraordinary. And I was really just excited. People ask, were you nervous that day? I was not, because I was just so happy that this, to me, was like the first step of the rest of my life. It was that first real step towards this goal of serving my country, you know, like people my family had, and getting to fly jets while I do it, how cool is that? I don't remember any highs or lows. I do remember I got my enjoyment becoming a cadet, you know, soaring instructor pilot.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  08:28

So let's talk about that. That is a, kind of a key leadership role as well.

 

Nicole Malachowski  08:32

Yes, that was my leadership role. So my senior year, I was the cadet soaring squadron commander. Oh, let's talk about Yes, yes. So obviously, between freshman, sophomore year, I signed up as soon as I could, you know, to take soaring, and when I discovered that you could actually apply to be a soaring instructor, and I remember that was a really like growth experience, because it's one thing to be able to fly a glider, it's another thing to be able to try to teach somebody how to do that. And I really, I I give a lot of credit to this, you know, sorry, instructor upgrade program teaching me the skills of, how do you communicate something technical? How do you communicate something hard, this idea that you need to be able to communicate it not just in one way, but two or three different ways, because each of your students is going to come at it with a different skill set or a different perspective or a different personality that responds to different type of teaching. So learning how to tailor your instruction and your care and your leadership to each individual was something I learned here, you know, as a sophomore, this idea that I would carry that on into my career as a leader and, you know, ultimately into being, you know, a fighter squadron commander. This tailored leadership actually started here, but soaring is what was my respite. Soaring is where I refilled that tank. It's one thing to be successful yourself. It's a whole different level to teach somebody else to be successful.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  09:55

So you knew you enjoyed Well, obviously you enjoyed the flying? And soaring, the leadership aspect, I think, was something that was new to you then. Or had you done that in Civil Air Patrol? Did you also have leadership there?

 

Nicole Malachowski  10:06

Yeah, I had leadership experience in Civil Air Patrol, but I think this was a different level. You know, my senior year becoming the cadet soaring squadron commander, it was really cool, because not only were you trying to take inputs from your peers and your colleagues on things we could improve or do differently, you know, valuing the other cadets opinions. But how do I translate that to leadership? How do I go now and talk to the real officers, the active duty officers in charge, and go, these are maybe resources we need, or things culturally, you know, that we need to change, and that was hard for me, you know, because I had never done that before. How do you advocate for your peers in a way that's understood, you know, by the active duty leadership. So that was really something that, again, would become important in my military career, because when you're put in a leadership role, you know, it's about, I think, advocating for the people who you are, you know, accountable for and responsible to, yes, and so how can you do that and do it in a way that it's received? Well, yes, you know, by the leadership above you,

 

Naviere Walkewicz  11:07

After you graduated from the Academy, you went on to pilot training.

 

Nicole Malachowski  11:11

I was slated to go early right after graduation, and I was a casual status Lieutenant flying gliders. Of course, went out for a jog and broke my ankle. So this would be my first kind of little, little detour. And I ended up, they offered me to go, to go to shepherd a lot later, or as soon as my ankle was healed, I could go to Columbus Air Force Base Mississippi right away. And I said, I gotta go, like, I cannot sit around and wait. I want to go to Columbus Air Force Base Mississippi. And everyone's like, what you're going to turn down, like, the chance of going to fighters to like, have to fight for it at Columbus. I like, I can't be stagnant. I need to go. So showed up at Columbus Air Force Base Mississippi, and again, really grateful for all of the flying experience that I had. I think that just those foundational procedures, you know, foundational knowledge, was vital to being a little more comfortable than other people that didn't have that experience. It was easy to be slightly ahead of the curve early on, but as I like to tell people, I fell flat on my face across the starting line my second check ride in pilot training, I failed. Now, pilot training at that time was about a year long. There were about 10 check rides, and at that time, failing one check ride, statistically, traditionally, would take you out of the running for graduating high enough to be a fighter pilot. This was devastating to me, and I remember even having fleeting moments that night of like, maybe I should just quit. Now this is, of course, the youth in me, right? I'm a 21 year old kid, and I'm just getting a little bit emotional about it, but if I can't be a fighter pilot and I just knock myself out of the running, I should quit. And I didn't call my parents because I didn't want to tell them I was too, like, embarrassed maybe, to say, like, hey, my dream that you all have supported is about to come to an end, because I messed up, and I made a really junior varsity mistake. And so I called my mentor, Sue Ross, and then she just let me talk, and she's like, are you done? And I'm done. And she goes, Well, are you going to do that again tomorrow? And I said, Sue, how am I supposed to get back in the jet tomorrow? How do I face my peers? I've been telling them I'm going to fly strike Eagles this whole time. Like this is so embarrassing. What if I fail again? What if I fail again tomorrow? And I remember, she talked me off the ledge, man, you know, and I came away. I came away with that conversation, realizing that indeed, I think I rarely believe failure is the price of entry for achieving something great, because if you have the right mindset, you come away with failures, I think a lot more committed, a lot more dedicated, a lot more focused, and I think a lot more humble, and all of those characteristics and traits are good things. You know, it worked out for me, and I did finish fourth in my class, and I had an extraordinary class. It was a time of great cultural change in the Air Force, because we were the first group of women to come through pilot training with the option of flying fighter aircraft.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  14:04

So talk about your time while you're in uniform. You had some key leadership positions. You were squadron commander. Can you share some of your stories with that and maybe even some high points and some lessons learned, where you as a leader felt that maybe, maybe it was a low point or a failure, but you grew from it?

 

Nicole Malachowski 14:20

Sure, sure. Yes. I mean, I had so many, you know, different fun assignments. You know, obviously when you're in your first fighter squadron, I got out at RAF Lake and Heath out there in England. I mean, what a rage right to be a lieutenant flying strike Eagles at 500 feet, 500 miles an hour, up Loch Ness, to live in the dream, you know, becoming in my second squadron, which was at Seymour Johnson Air Force Base, becoming a, you know, flight lead and upgrading to instructor pilot. Very nervous to go into the instructor pilot upgrade. I went in very young. In fact, when I got to that squadron, the weapons officer said, hey, I want to put you in the instructor upgrade. And I was like, no. Away like I am not ready for that. I am not good enough for that. And I was new to the squadron. There were people technically older and more experienced than me. They were in the queue, and he wanted me to jump the queue, a guy by the name of Michael Jaggers, call sign, Mick, I'm still friends with him to this day, and I remember I avoided him. I avoided him like the plague because I did not want to upgrade to instructor. And I remember saying, Mick, I just am not sure I can do this. And he looked at me, and he said, it's not your job to get through it. It's not your job to get through it alone. It's my job. It's my job to ensure you have what it takes and what you need. It's my job to teach you to be a good instructor. So your success is going to be my success. I will not let you fail. What a glorious man, what a wonderful instructor. And the lesson learned here to people is this, believe those who believe in you. Believe those who believe in you.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  15:52

It's true, though it really is. And those people, I think sometimes your trajectory can change or just like, accelerate, because someone gave you a little bit of courage that you just needed that little piece.

 

Nicole Malachowski 16:03

And to learn as I gained experience and credibility how to replicate that and how to be that person for other people, right? Because it's about turning around. It really is about lifting up other people. Your success isn't your own. It's how can you help other people achieve the best of themselves? And that's what you know Mikey and Mick did for me. And of course, the rest, you know, being history, because then I had the credentials I needed to apply to be a Thunderbird. And then from the Thunderbirds, I could become a commander, yada yada, you know, but being an instructor pilot, again, in the F 15 e how extraordinary to teach a brand new pilot or WSO, not only to fly the aircraft, to how to employ it as a weapon system and then to turn around and go to war with them. There's no bigger honor. There's nothing, I think, more humbling than that.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  16:49

Can you share something that maybe you learned from the perspective of how to lead better?

 

Nicole Malachowski 16:55

So let's be honest, when you go into a fighter squadron, things are a little bit one note, right? I mean, we all are cut from a similar cloth. We all kind of have similar personality traits. You know, you don't want your fighter pilots any other way, putting the effort into understanding what drives and motivates individuals. So learning at that age how to put your arms around everybody that you're responsible for, not just the ones that maybe are easiest to lead, or maybe the ones you're the most comfortable, you know, interacting with as a leader is, how do I figure it out? You know, there were some guys that, if I were to call them on up to the front of the room, in front of the whole squadron, to compliment them on something they did, maybe a check right they had. Or this goes for my fighter squadron command as well. You know, they would love it, right? Because it it was how they were extrinsically motivated, and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. If that's what they need, and that's what you need to do to get the best of their strengths and best of their commitment go for it. And then were others that low? If I were to bring them in front of their peers to compliment them, they would shut down and never talk to me for the rest of the you know, their assignment. And so that's where I would take the time to write a handwritten note, maybe put it on the seat of their Humvee, or put it in their helmet, you know, in the fighter squadron. And then when they'd see me walking down the hallway, we give the knowing nod that they were acknowledged for their awesome, whatever it was, and we would move on.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  18:13

Yes. And so what I'm hearing, in a really, kind of summarizing way, is leadership is personal.

 

Nicole Malachowski 18:19

Very. it's all about people and it's about authenticity and connections.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  18:25

So speaking about personal and authenticity, I'd be remiss if we didn't talk about your journey to the Thunderbirds.

 

Nicole Malachowski  18:31

I knew this was gonna come.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  18:32

It's here, and so you know it is. It's a different time. There was no woman Thunderbird pilot before you.

 

Nicole Malachowski 18:40

I grew up in Las Vegas, Nevada, so the Thunderbirds were part of the backdrop. I knew that the Thunderbirds, you know, as a kid, were special and were considered, you know, elite. And kind of going back to my personality, I love being told that, you know, you can't do things. And the truth is, people laugh at this, but the truth is, when I applied to be a Thunderbird, I did it because the way my career was going, I wasn't ready to, I wasn't on timeline to go to ide yet or to go to ACSC, but I had, like, a weird year kind of gap, and I didn't they didn't really know what to do with me. I didn't know what to do with them, and my husband was going to be PCs in the Nellis. This is, like, a true story. Wow. I know people want me to say, well, I had this big, long dream when I was Thunderbird. Also thought about it was always in the background. Is something that, you know, wasn't, was an option. And I, you know, because of a lot of people who put a lot of effort into me, I was indeed qualified, you know, to get in there and to give it a try. But it wasn't something that was like an ultimate goal. I did not know they had not had a woman Thunderbird pilot when I applied, did not even occur to me. Remember, I had never known an Air Force without women fighter pilots in it. That's right, that's and we had all achieved the age where we had acquired the hours needed, and it just lined up with the timing. And I'm like, Well, that would be kind of fun and different to do. And. So I always tell people, you know, when you get those butterflies in your stomach that says, This could be something cool, something different, that is your cue to go do it. Don't worry about what anybody else is saying. And so, you know, I was able to put that application in. And in fact, I was I put that application in, and when I went and told everyone I was going to apply, generally speaking, people were really tickled and happy and happy and supportive. But as the days went by, people started to think about it. I heard, you know, it's too hard to be a Thunderbird, you probably won't get picked. I mean, statistically, no one gets picked to do that. They've never had a woman before. Are you sure you want to do that and this and that? And I remember the day I turned my application in. This was back when you still had hard copies, and you still had to mail them, okay, 2005 took it over to the group commander's Chief of Staff, slid it across the desk. I was super nervous, because the voice in my head was like, Nicole, other people become Thunderbird pilots, not you. That was the other people become Thunderbird pilots, not you. What are you doing? Why are you risking this? But I kept thinking, what's the worst that's going to happen? I don't get picked, like most people don't get picked, and I go back to flying strike Eagles with my community, which I love, like life is good, right? Either way, it's a win, win. So as I slid that application across the desk, said, I'm applying to be a Thunderbird. Here's my application. I remember the staff looked up to me and said, you know Nicole, It's hard to be a Thunderbird. You know Nicole, you probably won't get picked. And the exact words were, you know Nicole, they've never had a woman before, and the colonel can only stratify one person in that moment. Let's, I think there's leadership lessons here, because this person was not trying to be mean, right? What was coming out was, I think the unconscious bias all of us have to check ourselves on every day at all ages. I think what was coming out were the cultural paradigms of the Air Force at that time. And I think what was coming out, you know, were other people's expectations about what I should or shouldn't be doing. And in that moment, the truth is, I grabbed my application and I took it back, I went across to the officers club and grabbed a beer like any good fighter pilot would, and I remember thinking, thank God I didn't put myself out there. Thank God Nicole, you know, now I'm a 30 year old captain, so I'm still a young person, you know. Thank God you didn't risk failure. Who are you to think you could be a Thunderbird, silly girl, right? And in that moment, the weirdest thing happened. And I tell this story on stage, sometimes the door opened to the officers club, and in walk the Wing Commander, Brigadier General Mark Matthews, for whatever reason, comes over and starts talking to me. Now, this is weird, right? I'm a captain. He's a brigadier general. I don't know why he was talking to me, you know, like walking amongst the people that day, or, you know, just making small talk. And so I'm trying to hold my own talking to him a little bit nervous. It's a little you're probably still feeling a little bit down from totally down. And in that moment, over walks my squadron commander, a wonderful man by the name of Dan Debree. His call sign was, trash. Get it? Trash, debris. Trash. Walks over, super excited, very supportive of my application. And he's like, Hey, General, did you know Nicole's applying to be a Thunderbird now? Man, I mean, you could have slowed down time. I was like, ixnay on the underbird Fae like, this is terrible. Neither of these guys knew that I had removed my application. And Dan's standing there all proud. He's my squadron commander supporting me. A great man again. And Mark Matthews looks down at me, general Matthews, and he goes, that's great. How's your application going? And I'm like, I looked at him, and here's what happened. I said, you know, sir, it's hard to be thunder, but I probably won't get picked. They haven't had a woman, so I don't want to waste anybody's time.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  23:11

Oh, you said, I said it.

 

Nicole Malachowski  23:13

I said all of it. And this is kind of an embarrassing story to tell, but I'm just this is the truth, right? This is the vulnerable truth of how this happened. And and he looked down at me, and I will never forget this. And I hope folks listening who have big dreams and gnarly goals remember this. He looked down at me and he said, Nicole, actually. He said, Fifi. My call sign, Fifi. Nobody wants to lead a scripted life. And he walked away and left me in extraordinarily uncomfortable silence. And those words nobody wants to lead a scripted life have become my life's mantra. Every time I get the knot in my stomach that says that dreams too big or that idea is too innovative, don't rock the boat, I remember what he said, because those words, like they lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders, told me it was okay to dream big. It was okay to buck the status quo. It was okay to be different. He was telling me, it's okay to risk failure in pursuit of personal professional growth, and it's not so much. I think he's telling you and me to write ourselves into the script. What he was saying was, don't ever write yourself out of the script. And as leaders and teammates, don't you ever write anybody else or their wild ideas out of the script, either. And so nobody wants to lead a scripted life. And I, I hope what you're hearing in these stories, and maybe what I'm realizing just chatting with you, is these little turning points, these pivot moments where these really important people, the mark Matthews, you know, the Mikey whiteheads, the Mick Jaggers, the Sue Rosses, the Kim Jamesons, they all come at that right moment. You got to be open to that you know, and and how important your actions and your words are to making or breaking somebody else's journals.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  24:48

Yes, yeah, so you took that application back.

 

Nicole Malachowski 24:52

Sure did. Sure did. I did not get the number one stratification from the colonel, but I did from the general. And. So that worked out for me. When I really started thinking about, I think I was putting myself back in the kid in high school with her brown bag lunch out on the football field watching the Thunderbirds fly over that can tend to see that those six jets smoked behind in red, white and blue, screaming over your high school. You know, you wanted to be a fighter pilot. Since you're a kid, I'm staring up at them, thinking, there's people up there. You know, I want to be one of those people. This idea that there would be a little kid watching me as a Thunderbird pilot, and maybe someday go, maybe I could fulfill whatever my dream is. Maybe I could join the Air Force too, a little girl going, maybe I could be a fighter pilot someday. And I think the gravity and the weight of the mission of the Thunderbirds started to really impact me, because it had indeed impacted me as a kid, and the idea that I could be a part of that. And I think the other thing was, and maybe this sounds cheesy or trite, but it's not, you know, sitting at Al UD, drinking my one beer at three in the morning after I land from my night combat mission, sitting with all these great Americans from all over the country, from every different background, and thinking, I could go tell their story, and that's what Thunderbirds get to do. You get to represent the world's greatest Air Force and tell the stories of these airmen who are out there getting the job done, those tech piece those crew chiefs, you know, the folks that are working at the tower, the folks in the food hall, our medical professionals, the cyber the whole thing, right? And all of a sudden it got really exciting to me, like I could go out there with this team, with this mission, and we could represent our friends with the honor and the dignity and the respect that they deserve. And I think those two things kind of collided together, and I started getting really excited about excited about this Thunderbird thing. Ended up back at Lake and Heath painfully excruciating waiting for the vinyls. And when we got back from Iraq, they give you the kind of three weeks of downtime. My husband was a gracious man and took me on a Cruise of the Baltic Sea. We're sitting in our cabin in Oslo Norway, and the phone in the cabin rings. The phone in your cabin, phone in my cabin rings. It's about 10 o'clock at night, but full sun outside, because it's summertime in Norway. And immediately we looked at each other, and both of our heart we've talked about this, both our hearts sank, because why does a phone call come to military people on vacation? It's not never it's never good. Yeah, and I was a flight commander at the time. So was he we immediately thought something disastrous had happened, an aircraft accident, a death, you know, a car accident. And we let it ring another time, and he's like, You need to pick it up. And I picked it up. And I said, Hello. And they go, is this Captain malikowski? I said, Yes. And they go standby for the commander of Air Combat Command. Oh my gosh. And I looked at my husband, and I was like, What is going on? Well, I knew this was the consolation call. There was, I think, I think there was five or six of us who had made it to finals. Three people were getting good position. The other were not. And it is tradition that the commander of Air Combat Command calls all six, coach is very gracious and professionally courteous. And so I thought this was my consolation call. So I'm waiting, and it feels like an eternity, and all of a sudden I hear Stevie there, and I said, Yes. He goes, Ron keys which was General. Ron Keyes, Commander, Air Combat Command. I'm a young captain. I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. And I go, sir, how are you? He goes. We have a pretty amazing Air Force that we can find you in the middle of the Oslo Norway fjord, don't we? I said, Yes, sir, we do. He goes. Well, I know you're on vacation, so I want to keep it simple. I want to offer you a job. And I said, Yes, sir. He goes. How would you like to be Thunderbird number three? And I said, I stayed as professional as I could in my voice, but I was looking at my husband gesticulating, jumping up and down like you're not gonna believe I said, Sir, I would absolutely love that. He goes, Okay, great. You're the next Thunderbird number three. Look forward to watching you fly and get back to your vacation. And he hung up the phone. You know, the Thunderbirds are, at that time, 125 people from 25 different career fields who came together to make that mission happen. Wow, never been in a squadron with that many high performing, highly motivated people in my life. I am still dear friends with my crew chief, still friends with people on the team. It is such a crucible experience. It's a one off, you know. Well, fast forward. Finish up the Thunderbirds. I get a phone call. He goes, it's Viking blurling. I'm like, How the heck did this guy that I met once get my phone he goes, Hey, when I was an Air Force officer, a young fighter pilot, I did acse as a White House fellow, and I think you should be a White House fellow. I said, Well, what's the White House Fellowship? So he explains it to me, and I'm like, there is no way I will get picked as one of 12 to 15 people across the United States, across all career fields, including civilians, to be a White House fellow. Colin Powell was a White House fellow. I am not a White House fellow. This is ridiculous. So I entertained his conversation. He says, I want you to think about I'm gonna call you back tomorrow, same time. Boom. Phone rings. Viking borling, you're applying to be a White House fellow, no, sir. I'm not. Third day ping. Phone calls. You're applying to be a White House fellow. Anyways, I applied to be a White House fellow. Went through that whole process, semi finals, regional panel interviews, and then the finals, and was selected to be a White House fellow. I got assigned outside of the White House to the US, General Services, Administration, yes, like, it was exciting. And I was like, this is where the nuts and bolts happen? Well, the GSA also runs what's called the office of the president elect. Between election and inauguration, the incoming president and their team needs to have a place to get ready, like our current incoming administration is doing. It's a physical office building where they make decisions about cabinet secretaries, or they get their intelligence briefings and all of that. Guess who got put on the presidential transition support team to be up close and personal for the peaceful transition of power between George Bush and Barack Obama? Wow. The extraordinary part about the White House Fellowship was most of the fellows were civilian, and I had been nothing but military since I was 17 years old and showed up at the Air Force Academy. So to be able to look at leadership and teamwork and professionalism from a completely different lens, to see how people from the education field or from healthcare would solve a problem was fascinating. You know, we in the military can look to solve problems a very specific way, and a lot of us are a little bit very specific in how we do it. And so to learn how to look at problems and solve things in different ways was extraordinary.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  31:23

So your career trajectory is just really incredible. Because you've kind of talked about how you've been put in these places based off of circumstance, but then when you get there, it's all about, how do you make the most of it, seize the opportunity and see what's available.

 

Nicole Malachowski  31:38

A lot of times, you know, as human beings, we go, Well, I don't have this, or I can't do this right now, or not resource this way, man, find a way. Yeah, ask yourself the right question. What is it I can do right now with what I have?

 

Naviere Walkewicz  31:49

Well, that makes me feel like that's a really good lead into kind of what circumstantially happened to you, unexpectedly. Yes, so you're medically retired from the Air Force. Do you want to talk about how that happened?

 

Nicole Malachowski  32:00

And sure, sure, you know, the the greatest honor of my career was serving as the commander of the 3/33 fighter squadron. I enjoyed that, and I remember also during that time being physically fit, mentally fit, spiritually fit. And I remember feeling ill in the summer of 2012 like I had the flu, but within three months, I started having severe neurological problems, so things like word finding, slurring my words, inability to read write, inability to type, dropping things with my right hand, dragging my right leg, getting lost, driving home, and I remember going into a grocery store and having a complete panic attack because I didn't know what a grocery store was or why I was in there so very Alzheimer's dementia like symptoms. So in fact, what was happening was my brain was becoming inflamed with an infection. So over the next four years, my symptoms would wax and wane. They would come and go, they would change in severity. Obviously, I could no longer fly. I was grounded, but they said, Hey, you can stay in the Air Force. You just can't fly. And I said, that's great, because honestly, I just want to lead airmen. Lead airmen and be a part of a team. So, you know, there's a lot of details, you know, to this story, but my symptom list was like 63 symptoms long, covering every system in my body. And so they cast the net wide, and that's where tick borne illness came into it. And at that time, I was in a wheelchair. I couldn't talk. My husband was wheeling me around, and I remember when the doctor said, we come on in. We have the diagnosis. We know what's wrong with her. The doctor says she'll never fly again. And my husband said, Well, how long until she's better? And she goes, Well, treatment is going to take at least two years. And it was in that moment, it wasn't that I wasn't going to fly again, that hurt. But when they said two years, I knew that the military was going to medically retire me, I knew it was over, and I couldn't speak or say anything, and I was just devastated. I remember my goal was to be the commandant of the Air Force Academy. That was my dream. And all that just came crashing, you know, crashing down. And in that moment, so for nine months I couldn't walk, talk, read or write. I spent another year and a half in rehab, and during that time, obviously went through my medical evaluation board, but I was medically retired, I fought to stay in and then I realized my body wasn't gonna let me and once I accepted that it was over, you know, I was able to move forward so radical acceptance was a hard thing to come by. But the day of my retirement, December 29 2017 came, I was home alone because I was bedridden and house bound for two years. Um, was very hurtful. Remains hurtful. How my Air Force career ended. I love the Air Force based on all the stories that I told, but this moment is very painful for me. It still is. And, you know, I thought, well, what are you going to do about it? You know, you can't. Change that you were bit by tick, can't change that you have a brain injury. What are you going to do? Girl, you know, the fighter pilot in you is not going to quit. And that's when I decided, well, I'm going to, you know, I got to do something. And the phone rang, and the phone rang, and it was during this time, a gal by the name of Buff Bucha, retired colonel, had been in a helicopter accident broke her neck in Afghanistan. She said, Hey, how you doing? I said, I'm not good. She goes talk to me, and I remember for two hours just vomiting everything out to this person I didn't really know very well. Well, she was calling from the Air Force Wounded Warrior program, wow, and the Wounded Warrior program swooped in to save me, and I ended up becoming a trained ambassador and a trained mentor, which I still am to this day. I'm able to help other airmen who are being discharged, but I just want to give a shout out to the Air Force wind Warrior Program, psychologically and mental health wise, I don't know that I would have recovered, and that I would have recovered to the place that I am today without them. And so I want for the active duty, listening for people in the reserve and the guard. It is for you, yeah, it is for everyone, and it is literally a life saving program.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  32:45

Maybe talk about what you've been doing then since.

 

Nicole Malachowski  36:16

Yeah, I do leadership consulting and professional speaking, but predominantly, that helps pay the bills, and I enjoy it. Predominantly, I do patient advocacy work at the national level, so I'm on several government boards. I'm on several nonprofit panels. We've tripled them, and IH funding through the state and like TicK Act and things like that. I'm currently on a National Academies of Science Committee. Can't talk about that because our report will come out in the spring. I hope everyone will read it. But Lyme disease, I went from being a fighter pilot to being an expert on ticks and Lyme disease. Who knew the path to success is always going to be non linear.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  36:49

Yes, you also mentioned you have children. You have twins. Do so how is it talk about, like family life in this new kind of in the way that you're working now, right? You're not in uniform anymore. You're still pushing amazing things forward. You're consulting what's it like being a mom?

 

Naviere Walkewicz  37:06

Man, it's harder, it is harder to raise 14 year old twins than it is to get shot at  in combat, I will tell you that. So you know, the person that's been missing in this whole time we've been talking is the most important person in my life, which is my husband, Paul. So we will be married. We just, yeah, just had our anniversary. 23 years. I met him in my first fighter squadron in the late 90s. He's an F-15E WSO. So we met flying together. And my biggest cheerleader, my biggest supporter, the greatest human being on Earth, is my husband, Paul.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  37:38

I want to talk about this resurgence, because I feel like that is really important for some of our listeners. When they're, you know, they're thinking about you said you got to know who you are and what's important to you. And how did you get to that clarity?

 

Nicole Malachowski 37:52

You really need to be able to answer the question, what is it I value and why? And I'm talking about your personal values, the ones that you're going to wake up with every day and go, these are my values. And so I'll tell you what mine are. Mine are courage and compassion and curiosity, and I developed those as I went through this deep thinking and deep reinvention, when I lost my career and compassion, courage and curiosity are what drive me today.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  38:18

We'll ask for Nicole's thoughts on reinvention, resilience and leadership. But before we do that, I'd like to take a moment and thank all of you for listening to long blue leadership. The podcast publishes on Tuesdays in both video and audio, and is available on all your favorite podcast platforms. Watch or listen to all episodes of Long blue leadership and subscribe at longblue leadership.org so we have had an incredible journey together, and really where we'd like to go. One final thought on leadership, if you might, leave your listeners with something about leadership, and I can say just from being in this short amount of time with you, your your 3 Cs are coming out in spades, your compassion, your curiosity and your courage. So thank you.

 

Nicole Malachowski  39:01

Thank you. You know leadership is a journey. We're always put into positions that we're supposed to grow into. Don't think you have to be perfect to be a leader. It's okay to admit when you make mistakes, it's okay to ask for help, and it's okay to have failures, as long as you overcome them. And I like to remind folks at all levels of leadership, you know that the runway behind you is always unusable. All you ever have is the runway that's in front of you.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  39:25

Well said, well said, Thank you so much for being on long blue leadership.

 

Nicole Malachowski  39:29

Thank you for having me. And here's a shout out to the current cadets that are working hard up on the hill, yeah, wishing them best and hoping they take it one day at a time.

 

Naviere Walkewicz  39:36

Absolutely. And for our listeners, I mean, I think that it's, it's it's certainly one thing to say, you know, you get to meet these incredible leaders, but my ask of you is to share this with your networks, because it's great if you felt something and you've had an impact in your life, but imagine the magnitude you can have by sharing some of the stories of our leaders like Nicole today with your networks and the change we can make together. So until next time, thanks for being on. Long blue leadership, thank you for joining us for this edition of long blue leadership. The podcast drops every two weeks on Tuesdays and is available on all your favorite podcast apps. Send your comments and guest ideas to us at social media@usafa.org, and listen to past episodes at longblueleadership.org.

 

KEYWORDS

leadership, resilience, resurgence, Air Force Academy, mentorship, aviation, women in military, pilot training, overcoming adversity, personal growth, fighter pilot, mentorship, leadership, Thunderbirds, women in military, self-doubt, White House Fellowship, WASP, Air Force, personal growth, diversity, WASP, Air Force, medical retirement, resilience, leadership, Lyme Disease, tick-borne illness, self-discovery, personal values, reinvention, advocacy

 

 

 

 

The Long Blue Line Podcast Network is presented by the U.S. Air Force Academy Association and Foundation