#064: AFAF Real Talk - Don’t Be So Defensive! It’s Me Not You!

In defensive moments, we face the ultimate question - Would you rather be right? Or would you rather have a good relationship? In this episode TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor revisit the topic of Defensiveness. We reflect on our previous episode (EP #2) on How to Manage Defensiveness. We identify ways we have improved our non-defensive reactions and what we still have to work on. We discuss tools for continuing to reduce defensiveness in the relationships we want to keep.

Music by Epidemic sound.

 

SHOW NOTES:

Experts :  John Gottman and Gottman Institute (2021), Hocker and Wilmot (2018), Brene Brown (2017)

Resources : 

AFAF Episode #2 - Ah, Defensiveness - How to Manage Defensiveness

https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/7006e63c9ed15961a921e4843f717078

Gottman Institute Article on Defensiveness:

https://www.gottman.com/blog/listen-without-getting-defensive/

Brene Brown’s Book - Rising Strong (2017)

Tools : 

TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) :

Reducing Defensiveness Using the Following Steps:

1. Accepting the truth we are getting from the people we care about. 
2. Asking: What do I want to own?
3. Asking: Where do I want this relationship to go?
4. Asking: What can I do to de-escalate the situation?
5. Asking: How can I turn this around from being on the defensive path?

Links :

John Gottman’s Four Horsemen - YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o30Ps-_8is