seeing through

There was no kissing; she would not permit it. She knelt over him, resting her chin on his shoulder. Her black hair tickled his ears, and he could smell frangipani. He crossed his arms around her back, pressing her against his chest. Her hips moved, and she pulled free. As she straightened, her hair fell away from her face, revealing green eyes set amidst heavy scars. She gasped, and her shoulders rolled back as her spine arched. He slid his hands down her back and along the curve of her waist. He squeezed her hips. She relaxed, exhaled and rolled off of him, collapsing into the mattress, deflated. She began to doze. He reached over, touched the lamp, and lay in the darkness, listening. His eyes were open, but the darkness was complete. His brain conjured shapes, aqua squares and green triangles. He remembered a night adrift. In his mind's eye, he saw himself lying on the deck of the 30-footer, watching satellites cross the starry canopy. There had been no moon, and the only sound was the gentle wash of the lagoon waters against the hull. He stood, carefully balancing against the swaying deck, and followed the rail to the gangway. Where the rail ended, he sat on the gunwale, gently bumping his heels against the side of the vessel. Bracing his hands against the gunwale, he lowered his feet into the lukewarm water. As the swell broke over his calves, he continued downward. His chin broke the water, and the sea swallowed his outstretched arms. Looking up, he could not see the stars, and he sank into the welcoming darkness. He woke, feeling rested, although it was still dark. His eyes had adjusted, and he could see the hint of dawn through the blinds. She lay beside him, still out cold. The sheets swaddled her thighs, and her left arm covered her brow. His eyes traced the swell of her breast from her ribcage to the hollow of her armpit. Her pale skin seemed to glow in the half-light, but the scars, individually invisible, cast her face in shadow. Taking his chance, he gently kissed the exposed inside of her arm. Barely brushing his lips against her skin, he took care not to exhale. Then he rolled away, and sat up on the edge of the bed. He slid quietly to the floor, and felt around for his clothes. On the train, she sat beside him, her hand on his thigh. She stared straight ahead, watching the suburbs pass through the opposite window. She wore her hair back, and her ravaged cheeks and split lips were exposed. She gave away no hint of self-consciousness. The carriage smelled faintly of sweat. It was half-full of people each studiously ignoring the others. Each person found a window to stare out of, as the houses and streets unwound around them. He imagined a carriage full of monsters: burned, disfigured, with amputated limbs, lipless, toothless mouths or weeping sores. He could hear them, bags of bones rattling along with the train on its tracks, the smell of sick mingling with the pungent iron of dripping blood. Every single one ignored the rest, safe in the conceit that every one of them was fine, unremarkable. The train lurched, and a recorded voice announced the approaching stop. She withdrew her hand from his lap and stood. He rose behind her, gripping a handhold as the train slowed. He wrapped his free arm around her, making to keep her steady. The doors opened, and they stepped onto the platform. She stopped in front of him and turned around. People flowed past them, exiting and boarding the train. A voice warned travellers to stand clear. She stood on her toes, flung her arms around him, squeezed him with surprising strength. She pressed her ear to his chest, as if listening for his heart. Then she released him, and ducked between the closing doors, back onto the carriage. He saw her resume her seat in the carriage as the train pulled away. She sat up, looking straight ahead. TRACK 01 "The Human Game," Lisa Gerrard & Pieter Bourke INDEX: 00:00:00 TRACK 02 "The Heart's a Lonely Hunter," David Byrne INDEX: 06:50:03 TRACK 03 "Little Fluffy Clouds," The Orb INDEX: 10:55:36 TRACK 04 "The Sun Rising," The Beloved INDEX: 14:57:33 TRACK 05 "Overcome," Tricky INDEX: 20:08:13 TRACK 06 "Hong Kong," Gorillaz INDEX: 24:36:66 TRACK 07 "This Fine Social Scene," Zero 7 INDEX: 31:46:62 TRACK 08 "Human Being," The Beta Band INDEX: 36:11:27 TRACK 09 "Breathe," Télépopmusik INDEX: 40:40:51 TRACK 10 "Old Artist," Archive INDEX: 45:17:62 TRACK 11 "Azo Azo," Métisse INDEX: 49:21:73 TRACK 12 "Bloodstain," UNKLE INDEX: 53:04:72