Tired of feeling like your narcissistic ex is still controlling your life somewhat, even after the breakup you're trying to co-parent. But it feels more like combat. Let's be real, right? Boundaries should help. So why do they not seem to work with them today? We're getting into y narcissists are different beasts when it comes to co-parenting and some boundary strategies that actually work. Let's go clean. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.
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Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself. Again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Hello, it is Christa. Today we're diving into one of the most exhausting post abuse challenges, co-parenting with a narcissist. Let's be real. This is not normal. This is parallel parenting with a manipulative, self-serving adult child who uses the kids as pawns and the drama as fuel. They love that drama and that's why, oh, just communicate better or take the high road advice from well-meaning people doesn't work here. It doesn't work. And so let's break it down. Why are they different? Right? First, they don't want peace.
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Some healthy minded individuals after a divorce may be hurt, but they really do want peace in the end. So they might disagree with you, but they actually want the resolution a narcissist. They want what control. We know that chaos, they actually want chaos and a reaction. You're feeding them even if it's a negative reaction. So if your boundaries are focused on keeping the peace, you're already playing their game. Okay? Number two, they weaponize everything. So information, your tone, the kid's schedule, anything can be twisted. This means your boundaries have to be so tight, minimal. And my part of what I teach in my boundaries course and elsewhere is emotionless. And that's hard. That's hard for a lot of you, and it was hard for me, but there's ways to do it, okay? And number three, they see boundaries as attacks. They're not seeing, you're protecting yourself.
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They're seeing you attacking them. So it's a rejection. And we all know that narcissists cannot handle rejection. So they'll either push back on it, they'll guilt trip you, or one of the worst things, especially when you're dealing with co-parenting and children, they will punish you through the kids. So that's why setting the boundary isn't enough. You need a backup plan for the backlash because there inevitably will be backlash with a narcissist when you set a boundary. So some boundaries that actually work with narcissistic co-parents or parallel parents, we'll call 'em Number one, like I said, I love the no emotion rule. Use a no emotion, no explanation policy. So think of it like a business email energy. So I'm not available to swap weekends. Please refer to the agreement, not I can't this weekend I have a family event and I've been really overwhelmed. No, save all that noise.
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The unnecessary information that they can use to turn on you, they use it against you later. They'll twist it, whatever, no extra info, very to the point. They love when you overexplain. Keep it short, clear, no room for debate or conversation. Number two, communicate only through a parallel parenting app. So our family wizard is the one I have heard great things about, or talking parents. I don't know someone personally who uses that, but I've seen that also talked about. And they document everything and reduce that real time interaction. Why? Because narcissists specifically are less likely to manipulate when the receipts are permanent. They might still do it, but then it's documented and you have it against them, right? But they are a little less likely to, especially when they're not up in a rage to do that because they can be very calculated. So they're like, oh yeah, I don't want that outside of this circle with my ex.
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So it will help them and help you. So the bonuses, you won't be tempted to respond to their nonsense at midnight. You're on this app, it helps you too. So I just love technology in situations like this. Number three, set emotional boundaries with you yourself. Okay? This is the one no one really talks about. You are not just setting boundaries with them. You're setting them with yourself. Okay? So here's an example. I will not engage with my parallel parent after 6:00 PM whatever it is. Maybe that's not your time, maybe it's eight. Whatever suits your schedule and your peace of mind, let yourself have those nights where you can just relax and say, I'm not even going to acknowledge them. Number two, I will not read texts more than once. Don't get into that monkey mind where you read things over and over and try to analyze and figure out. Read it just once. And then to the third point, I will pause before responding so I don't go into trigger mode. And there's more on this in my boundaries course. But if you don't go into trigger mode, you help yourself keep that piece, you're helping yourself.
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They're going to keep coming at you. You can't control them. You can't control what you're doing. So you can control when you, you're accepting their texts, looking at them, you can control how many times you're looking at them. And you can control, even though it's a little hard saying, I'm going to go count to 30, right? Do something like that. And once you get to 30, your body has already calmed down a bit, and you can go into something else and then have a second point of, okay, now that I'm calm, I'm going to just leave that and I'm going to go do this. Maybe to take your mind off it. Put on some funny animal videos. Go throw some laundry in. Whatever you got to do to kind of get out of that triggered emotional response because you do not want to take their bait and respond while you were feeling that way.
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And we want to keep it short and simple, like I said. And when you're in trigger mode, you can't do that. So this though, a bonus of emotional boundaries with yourself is this builds that self-trust. We've talked about that. You have trouble trying to get back. You don't know if you can trust yourself anymore. This help builds that. Setting boundaries with yourself. You're making agreements with you and you're protecting yourself. And when you trust you, their chaos cannot pull you back in. When you get to that point where you start saying, okay, I've got me, I'm going to protect me. I know what I'm doing. They can't get you back in. I love that. So let's recap. Narcissists don't want peace. They want power. We know that regular co-parenting tips do not work on dynamics. They just don't. Number three, your boundaries need to be airtight.
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The biggest thing, emotion free, if you take anything from this podcast, emotion free and backed by emotional self-protection, right? So take the emotions out it, step away. Do not respond when you are triggered. Final thoughts here. You're not powerless, okay? You're not difficult or bitter for setting limits at all. They'll make you think you are, but you're not. I'm the queen. Be a boundaries. I know, okay, you're not. You're a mom. Reclaiming her peace in the middle of a damn storm. That is crazy. But do you know that's actually your superpower? That you are here saying, I'm going to show up for my kids. I'm going to show up for myself. I'm not doing this anymore. That's not bitter, that's not mean. That's smart as hell.
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So if you're ready to create boundaries that actually stick, even with the most manipulative X, you can download my free guide called Buy Guilt, hello Boundaries. I love it. And that is packed with guilt-free scripts starter steps to help you say no with zero apology. And you can go from there. I do have a course too, but check out that free guide first, and I will put the link as always in the podcast description area, the notes area, whatever you want to call it, and make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so you get all my goodies. But I'm so excited. This is a brand new free guide. This Buy Guilt, hello Boundaries. It's going to help you out. It's brand new. So it's got all sorts of good stuff that I have learned through the years and polished up. So go grab that. That is your homework for this day. Go grab that. It's, I'll have the link like I said in the description, and I will see you in the next episode. Don't forget, Thursdays are my quicker episodes that are more like hands-on healing from the body visualizations, meditations. Sometimes we'll do like a script, so they're shorter, little bite sized episodes that you can save and go back to over and over again. So make sure to follow the podcast so you get the notifications, and I will see you on Thursday. Bye, queen.
