Finding Fear:: Fear of Abandonment

My version of hell would be a single room.
No other people.
No books or magazines.
Just one of those clocks that clicks loudly and movs slowly. 

I don't like to be alone. I gain energy from being around other people and hearing their thoughts and dreams. My own thoughts and dreams are enhanced by others. I often don't know what I'm thinking about something until I share it with somebody else. 

When some of us wrestle with not wanting to be alone it can manifest itself as the Fear of Abandonment. We can become desperately afraid that the people close to us will someday leave us and we'll be all alone. This can also rear it's head when we suffer the loss of a loved. 

The Fear of Abandonment itself isn't the problem. It's something that sneaks up on the strongest and most secure of us all. The problem is when we start reacting to that fear with two opposite, but incredibly painful options. 

1) Smothering - We can try and control the person that we don't want to leave us with constant attention and monitoring of all their activities. The lie that we believe is that we can be in control of the relationship. If we know where this person is at all times and shower them with attention then they will never leave us. 

2) Detachment - We can try and hold the relationship at a distance so that their ultimate abandonment won't hurt as much. This looks like creating distance in the relationship with harsh words, insults and indifference. The lie that we believe is that everyone will ultimately walk away from us so we should only risk as much of ourselves that's absolutely necessary to maintain the relationship. When things get too intimate we rely on our emotional space making tools (anger, insults, indifference) to create the separation we need to not get too invested. 

Ugh. Typing those out breaks my heart because of all the ways that you and I have seen smothering and detachment sabotage relationships. This is especially true in how it impacts people's relationship with God.