Marriage A to Z: Are You Listening?

Listen

What?

Definitions

Listen vs. Understand vs Hearing

Engaged listening

What hinders it?

Distracted, not focused.

Poor timing. Environment noisy, distracting.

Physical pain, sickness

Assumptions, assuming you know without actually listening, preconceived ideas

Critical spirit kills people talking

Should we ever not listen?

Gossip/slander

Listen to heart/message behind the words (problem, whining, speaking untruths); address the main issue, not condemn result of illness, real problem, etc. Goal is help them deal with it better way.

What if someone never quits talking?! Depends on who it is. Able to set some boundaries; encourage spouse to hang out with friends. Help them see your need for quiet and mental health

What if spouse won’t talk? Figure out why … not a talker? Critical of spouse? Interrupt? Make difficult for them to talk; some unresolved issue between you?

What about when someone is attacking you? Listen to understand. Legitimate? Their problem?

 

Why?

Listening is the foundation for communication. Communication is foundation to relationship

God tells us – quick to hear, slow to speak; His example of hearing our cry

Shows respect

Good for the relationship!

Need to communicate to live peaceably together; get things done

Not being understood is frustrating!!!!!!!!

 

 

How To?

Focus

Set aside time for important discussions, topics

Set aside time for non-important stuff

Limit distractions – choose location, time (more important for critical topics)

Refuse to think ahead to your response; focus on listening first.

Be okay with quiet, and give each other time to think.

Try rewording spouse’s point of view

Be patient – understanding is worth the effort

Body language (Don Trott)

Understand the value the other person brings to the table

Don’t let stuff build up; talk before there are issues!