Baywatch is a bad movie. Sorry, Rock, but it's true. And it's frankly one of the worst movies based on a TV show. To be fair, that's a crowded field. Many of them are awful. This just sort of treads water among the filth.
That's due in large part to the fact that it is rarely funny. It wants so desperately to be 21 Jump Street. That approach makes sense. Jump Street was able to capitalize on its premise, while also satirizing its absurdity.
Baywatch—despite the wealth to be mined from the show's preposterousness—can't seem to muster the energy to maintain a 15-minute sketch about lifeguards going far beyond their actual job duties.
It's a shame. Baywatch is well cast. The Rock (Mitch Buchannon whose mentor is Mitch Buchannon?) and Zac Efron (Matt Brody) have decent chemistry. They're just not given much to work with. Written by a hodgepodge of people, the film's issues can all be attributed to its mishmash of a script.
Thus, like a bloated body washed up on the sands of Emerald Bay, Baywatch was dead on arrival. It earned $177.9 million on a budget of $69 million—with only $58 million of that coming domestically. It was also lashed by critics, sitting at 17% on Rotten Tomatoes with 246 reviews.
But, hey, a day at the beach always goes better with a beer. So sit back, bask in the sun with an ice cold Florida Man Double IPA from Cigar City Brewing, and watch out for sand grifters! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are staying ready. Forever and always!
This Week’s Segments:
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The Void – Right Next Door to Hell
The Rundown – Rock and Walk Connection
Walking Tall – Swing and a Miss
Doom – Dull, Dark, and Dumb
Big Trouble in Little China – It‘s All in the Reflexes
The Chronicles of Riddick – It's an Animal Thing
Mortal Kombat – A Head Smashing Good Time
Fight Club – I am Jack's Podcast
Pacific Rim – A Jaeger Bomb
Godzilla vs Kong – Coming to a Universal Studios Near You
Hulk – The Incredible Sulk
Zack Snyder’s Justice League – Little Fish Stick and Big Tuna
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance – Ride Angry
Joss-Stache League – Stiff Upper Lip
Green Lantern – Shallow Hal Jordan
Top Secret! – We Know a Little German
Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever – Moaning Techno and Explosions
If Looks Could Kill – Grieco: Far from Home
The Long Kiss Goodnight – This Movie is Pain
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