Episode 48: Monitor your kid‘s phone with this layered approach!

Are you giving your kid a smart phone and wanting to know the best way to set it up to monitor their use and activity? Use this approach today!

 

Here’s a suggested set up as discussed in this episode: 

 

You’ll need a computer to back up the phone for certain iPhone specific things. The phone and the computer need to be connected to the same WiFi.

 

Apple ScreenTime-for time constraints and filtering off wifi.

https://www.bark.us/guides/app-management-apple-screen-time

 

Gryphon router with built in free parental controls (time limits and filtering)-also has malware/virus protection built-in at the router level.

https://gryphonconnect.com/ways-to-become-a-tech-savvy.../

 

Bark parental monitoring - sends alerts about texts, searches, videos, etc that may need conversation.

https://help.bark.us/.../414888-what-bark-monitors-on-the...

https://www.bark.us/faq

 

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Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

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 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Personally, I can look back on. As my kids have gotten older and digital devices became more and more prevalent and intertwined in our lives that this decision of giving my kid a smartphone was pivotal in their childhood development. And looking back, I would definitely do some things differently. And what I'm going to talk about today is one approach that you can have when you were at the point that you do want to give a smartphone, but you don't want to just let it all go and hope that they navigate it well. So stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:37):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, he friends. Did

Speaker 1 (01:02):

You hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So the other day I was in a parenting group on social media and saw a mom's question about giving her kid a smartphone. It was a decision she had already made, and she just wanted to know what was the best way to monitor that device.

Speaker 1 (01:53):

And it specifically was an Apple device. And so people proceeded to answer her question with their perspective and all of that. And so I chimed in and commented about what my approach would be. And she asked me, where on your podcast, do you talk about this? And I do talk about this approach sprinkled probably throughout most of the episodes, but I haven't talked about it specifically in a while. So I thought I would just kind of do an updated episode when I first started this podcast, which is coming up on a year, which seems crazy to me. And it seems like, I don't know if you have this feeling of what 2020 was, and it's almost like it went by super fast, but also super slow if you are new or haven't been around since the very beginning, I actually launched this podcast in March of 2020.

Speaker 1 (02:46):

And right as a right before this pandemic was hitting is when I launched it. And so I have been doing this as a part of all the other craziness. It isn't another thing that I added into my life just because I had such a very strong mission to share what I have learned in the process of raising my kids in this digital age and really find a way to get it out to people. So when I had the idea of the podcast, it was because I'm listening to other people that had podcasts and thinking, well, Holy cow, that could be something that I could do because like social media is very limited to algorithms and, you know, following all the little things that you have to do to market and reach people, but it's, to me, it's finite on there because it's dependent on the algorithms and other things.

Speaker 1 (03:33):

So I found that the podcast route was a great way to kind of get my voice out. I personally listened to a ton of podcasts simply because I spend a lot of time in my car. So I like to use that time listening to something that will help me to grow or learn something new. And so that's when I decided, well, other moms are probably busy like me, and this would be a good platform for me to get this information out. So I launched it. I started working on it in January of last year and I launched it beginning of March, I believe. And so back then, when I thought about, or when I talked about the differences of the different phones, I stress that an Android phone is easier to monitor and that is still the case. But I think back then, I kind of encouraged away from the, the iPhone.

Speaker 1 (04:19):

But as time has gone on, I personally, my whole family has I-phones. We've always had iPhones. It's hard to switch when you already have the phones. And so I have figured out how to navigate it with an Apple device. An Android device just has, they are more open about opening up apps to be monitored. Apple is much more private about that. And I think in terms of us having a phone and walking around and doing like banking and different things on our phones, I personally want the more private thing of the Apple phone, right? I don't want it to be able to be hacked into as easily and all of that. And I don't know if that truly is possible to do, but in terms of kids, the Android phone has more capability for monitoring with parental control apps, such as bark. Okay. So there is that standpoint that the Android is easier to monitor than the Apple, but it's not all is lost.

Speaker 1 (05:13):

If you prefer to do the Apple phone, it just takes a little bit of extra work in maneuvering to do the monitoring. But despite which device you get, this is the approach. What I'm going to talk about today is the approach that I recommend that you do without a doubt. You know, it is just the way it needs to be. It's going to seem a little bit like, Oh my God, that's like overkill, but bear with me. Let me just explain some of it to you. Okay. So with both an Apple and an Android phone, you want to have a layered approach to monitoring. And what that means is that on the Android phone, you want to use screen time and controls through Google family link and through an Apple device, you want to use the Apple screen time controls. So if you have your phone for an Apple device, if you have your phone, you go into the screen time settings, and then there is a way for you to add your child with their phone.

Speaker 1 (06:06):

And then you can go into the screen time settings of your child's phone, same thing with Google family link. I'm not sure that you can access it through your phone if you'll have all Androids, but I think you can look at it on line and feel free to contact me and correct me if I'm wrong on that. But personally, we do not have Android phones for the family. Now, some people say that they have Apple, but they gave their kids an Android. I personally don't know how to navigate that other than just using Google family link for the Android phone. So you just wouldn't access it on your phone. You access it through Google family link platform online. So I would use the screen time control to set up time constraints, like when they can use the device and then also to help you filter the wifi.

Speaker 1 (06:48):

So you can set it up to where explicit content isn't allowed and different things like that. That has worked really well for me, with my youngest. And over time, I have been able to kind of ease back on those restrictions as I see him developing more maturity around his decisions, but I absolutely would set that up to where you can control all of the things with the phone. You can also control whether or not they can add contacts to their phone. If they can delete context, if they can add or delete apps on their own. I have our setup to where they have to request to download an app. And then I get a notification on my phone and then I approve it from there. So that's the first step is I would use the screen time controls for time constraints for filtering, for setting up how you want them to be able to use that phone.

Speaker 1 (07:37):

So I will say that I do think it is important for you to set it up to where they can not add contacts, because what I have seen in my research about grooming and the things that these predators will do is they will try to get contact with your kid, develop some trust, and then they will say, you know, add me to your phone, you know, add me to this other platform. And so that makes it go under the radar of your monitoring. If that makes sense, if you're not familiar with what grooming is, go back a couple of months. I'm not sure exactly what episode it is, but I do talk about grooming and things that we need to be aware about aware of and watch out for when it comes to your child, being groomed on social media, but social media and allowing those things is a whole nother can of worms and not something that I recommend that you rush on.

Speaker 1 (08:26):

Okay. The next layer of what I would do for your kid's phone is to use a router that has parental controls. One that is highly acclaimed is the on or Griffin. I don't know what the proper pronunciation of that is, but it's spelled G R Y P H O N. Lots of parents rave about that router. Now, if you're not a tech person, you may be like, Oh, what's a router. And that's kind of, it was me before all of this came about in my life. So it's basically where your wifi hooks up in your house. If the other person living in your house, you know, your husband or whoever is the one that sets that stuff up, they will know what it is. If you've got internet in your FA your house, you have to have it, but the Griffin Griffin or [inaudible] router is considered one of the best ones for parental controls.

Speaker 1 (09:16):

I actually don't know the brand of the router that my husband recently bought, but it has parental controls. And he manages all of that. So you can set up time limits on there. You can set up filtering and it also has virus protection and all of that built into the router. Now, in addition to that, what I have also used is called bark home and bark home is something that you hook up to your router that is a filter as well. So if you have a router right now that does not have parental controls on it, you could get the bark home. And if you're not a tech type person, which I know the Gryphon router is pretty, uh, what do I want to say? Like, uh, you don't have to have like some type of tech degree in order to navigate it. It's pretty simple.

Speaker 1 (10:01):

And that's what makes it great and why a lot of parents will rave about it. But the bark home is a very simple thing you can put on and it integrates with the bark parental monitoring app that you put on the phone to help you monitor. So bark home to me is like, it's like a mother's dream seriously, because if you're not tech savvy, you can go into this bark home. You get on their site online. I do have a whole episode that talks about bark home. So if you're interested in navigating that, go back a few weeks or few months, and you should find my episode that specific on bark home goes through all the settings and how you set it up and all of that. Okay. But bark home, you can get in there and you can put Leno. You like select any device that connects to wifi in your entire home can be controlled through bark home, which is awesome.

Speaker 1 (10:50):

So you just have to go in and you find the device and you can set it up to where you are filtering the content that can be seen. You can shut down certain websites that you do not want access to hint, hint, YouTube, things like that. If you are needing to block those because they are, you know, out of control, you're not whatever, if you're not able to get them to be responsible about using it, and you just need it blocked. You can put it in specifically in there. The other thing with bark home, besides you being able to control specific devices, is it also monitors your Wi-Fi activity at a high level, and it will block the most explicit content from being accessed on all devices across the board, whether or not you have selected them specifically to be monitored more closely or not.

Speaker 1 (11:39):

So if they're on your Wi-Fi, they are monitored through this bark home and explicit content will be blocked. Okay. I think that's so awesome and such a great thing to have because it's so, so hard to control some of the things that are accessed. Like if you check out my episode, that is about one click away, it is talking about pornography. And they say that usually pornography is just one or two or three clicks away wherever your child is online. I think that is absolutely crazy, but it is true, you know, like on YouTube and if they're on any social media it's on there. Okay. So check out that episode, if you want to learn more about that, but them seeing pornography and all of that at younger ages is very prevalent. They see that most kids, if they have been online are being exposed to pornography, like by sixth or seventh grade, which is crazy, you know?

Speaker 1 (12:35):

And so there's all kinds of issues that come with that. So I like that the bark home we'll monitor for that explicit level of, or that explicit content. Okay. So that would be your next layer. Okay. So you've got the Apple screen time, or the Google family link where you are monitoring specifically for the device. Then you've got Griffin router and or bark home. Okay. And then what I recommend you do is get bark, which I know you've probably heard me mention bark is something that you put on your device on their device. And then you have it set up on a computer for monitoring. Now the drawback with bark and Apple is that it cannot monitor in real time for some of this stuff. It has to be backed up on the wifi. So like basically like if they're out at school and then they come back home, if they delete messages in different things while they are away from the Li-Fi, it may slip through.

Speaker 1 (13:29):

But I can tell you personally that with using bark on my son's phone, it has picked up so many things so many times, and it's almost a little comical. Some of the stuff that it picks up like him and my husband go hunting. And so one time he texted his grandpa and asked him about using one of his guns. And I got an alert for that. And then another time he was texting one of his grandma's and asked something similar, and it sent me an alert on that. And I am totally fine with that. There were things that were happening before I discovered the beautiful thing that is bark, that I did not know about. And like I have mentioned in other episodes, it was a mom that was monitoring her kid's phone. That helped me discover what was going on with my kid, because I was completely clueless to the potential and to the influence of all of these things.

Speaker 1 (14:22):

And that my child would deviate that far off from what I had taught him growing up. It's just, it's not something you can resist when you put a kids, you know, when you put the digital things in your kids' hands, they can't resist that influence. It absolutely influences them. So it was another mom that was taking up her kid's phone at night that happened to see something between this group, text of voice. And she contacted me and the other moms, and we were able to kind of see what was going on course. Correct. And into the story today, we are doing wonderful, but I do attribute that mom watching her son's phone closely to helping us other moms to course correct and keep our kids from going down bad paths. Okay. So the bar app is something that when I was going through that and trying to figure out how to move forward from it, it was something that, as I decided to give that phone back and let ease up on, you know, being like not letting them have it at all, I'm actually letting him use it.

Speaker 1 (15:22):

The bark app gave me some peace of mind while giving him some privacy. And I still have it on his phone. I have slowly pulled back on some of the restrictions that I have on it with screen time and other things like that. But I still watch everything very closely. Okay. So that will be the other layer. And so there are other things out there other than Bart. And I have looked at those other things, but me personally, I believe that bark is the best thing out there. Some people like to use some of those other ones, but I've found drawbacks to each one of them. And I think the most wonderful thing with bark is that their tech team and their customer service team is so very helpful with helping you navigate the tech stuff and figure things out. I've even heard that they contact parents.

Speaker 1 (16:08):

Like if they send an alert for something I heard of one time, or a mom was alerted that her kid was talking about suicide and bark followed up with that mom, like they sent an alert and then like a week later, they reached out to her and said, how is your daughter doing? Like how many companies do we know out there that care that much, that it's not just about the money bark truly cares for our children. And I didn't do this episode as a commercial for bark, but I just cannot say enough, giving a smartphone is such a huge decision. And like I've said in other episodes, I don't think that at any time we can say our kid is ready for that. Like, I don't think there are defined indicators for it because it's a very fluid thing when you give the phone and then they interact with it and things go on.

Speaker 1 (16:57):

Okay. So I don't say that you should never give them a smartphone. I think at some point you have to, but I would just tread lightly with it, meaning that I wouldn't give it too early and too young, and then use this layered approach to help you monitor, build up your village with using all of these things. And then also jump into my, be that mom community, my channel on telegram connect with me on Instagram, you know, build a community of moms where you are something that can help support you in this and help you have kind of a sounding board when things get tough. When maybe you need to reassess and redirect all of those things. It's just not a, like the path is bumpy sometimes, but these things can help you to navigate that and to have more peace of mind and especially with the bark and really the whole thing I should say, but gives you peace of mind helps you to sleep at night, truly helped me to sleep at night when we were going through our hardest days, there were nights where I would just lay there thinking, what am I missing?

Speaker 1 (18:01):

What if we do this? And I'm going to miss this. And it was because I had no clue before and I missed so much. And so I hope that this is something that can utilize that it's not too confusing. You know, just utilize this going forward so that your kids have a simpler path through their childhood years. I absolutely think that this digital age has made growing up harder than it was for us. I think it was simpler times when you could close the door on all of the social pressure and all of the things that are created and brought into our homes by allowing phones, social media and all of that stuff. Okay. So I could go on and on about all kinds of other tips that I recommend you do in addition to this, but for the sake of this episode, do this layered approach.

Speaker 1 (18:49):

Feel free to message me. If you have any questions. I am no expert per se. I am simply trying to relay what I have learned. So I hope that you found it helpful and check out the links in the show notes. For some of the things that I have mentioned, grab those for bark. There's a seven day free trial and 20% off for the life of your subscription. If you use my code, be that mom. So I hope that you'll take advantage of this. I hope that this was helpful for you and not too, too confusing, but I do think that these things can help you tremendously and will help your kid to have like a healthy relationship with their phone and all of the things. Okay. So thanks so much for tuning in and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (19:34):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 1 (19:48):

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