RESILIENT TO ANTIFRAGILE - The Secret To Building A Strong Relationship

IN THIS EPISODE, we explore three levels of relationship strength; fragility, resilience, and anti fragility.

We see how these states differ from one another, and how that relates to the strength of one’s relationship.

We discover how chasing happiness can make you miserable.

& We touch on ways we can get past relationship challenges and emerge stronger from them.

Books!  Click the Amazon links below to get these great books for your library.  They're affiliate links so a percentage of your purchase will go toward helping our show, at no extra cost to you.  Thanks for your support!

“Antifragile” by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
https://www.amazon.com/Antifragile-Nassim-Nicholas-Taleb-audiobook/dp/B00A2ZIZYQ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2L0YEF4GTW0R9&keywords=antifragile&qid=1647893662&s=books&sprefix=%252Cstripbooks%252C242&sr=1-1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=howtolovefore-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=f7be86d63273fd6ef54cfe567f045e6a&camp=1789&creative=9325

“Happier, No Matter What” by Tal Ben-Shahar
https://www.amazon.com/Happier-Matter-What-Cultivating-Resilience/dp/B092B95X4N/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=tal+ben-shahar&qid=1647894048&s=audible&sprefix=tal+ben%252Caudible%252C329&sr=1-1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=howtolovefore-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=4363786ce7217d4437d5da53b85f704f&camp=1789&creative=9325

“Happier:  Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment” by Tal Ben-Shahar
https://www.amazon.com/Happier-Tal-Ben-Shahar-audiobook/dp/B000RNKHKI/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=tal+ben-shahar&qid=1647894048&s=audible&sprefix=tal+ben%252Caudible%252C329&sr=1-2&_encoding=UTF8&tag=howtolovefore-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=ebb4a6bedc661cfeb1d67ff0ca70fc97&camp=1789&creative=9325

 

* What Is Resilience?
    * Simply put, resilience is the ability to experience pain, challenges, or stress and then find a way to bounce back.

* How is it different from anti-fragility?
    * anti-fragility was coined by author, mathematician, & risk analyst Nassim Nicholas Taleb, in his book, “Antifragile”.
    * According to Taleb, anti-fragility is the ability for a system to grow or benefit from unforeseen events, mistakes, or chaos. 
    * And according to author & former Harvard professor, Tal Ben Shahar, anti-fragility is resilience 2.0. Resilience 1.0 is withstanding stress, whereas the antifragile becomes better because of it.

•  Some of the common characteristics of resilience:

  • resilient people know that “shit happens”
    * helps one to avoid feeling discriminated against when adversity occurs
    * instead of “why me?”, think “why not me?”. - Shit happens to everyone
    * “shit happens” removes ego from the equation, it’s simple statistics
* resilient people are good at choosing where they place their attention
    * focus on what they can change and accept what they can’t (that’s the essence of Stoicism btw)
        * Stoicism is about training yourself to handle worst case scenarios by contemplating on them with emotional detachment and practicing skills to deal with any situation effectively. Stoicism removes the fear (and hope) of your anxious thoughts about the future and allows you to accept the inevitable hardships and final end that all humans face. It does this by building up your mental fortitude to accept the present moment and the randomness of the next hour, whether it is one of pleasure or pain. Therefore it is a philosophy of acceptance, no matter who you are and where you are in life.
        * Seneca was a rich dude who practiced non-attachment & visualized tragic scenarios, to be prepared against them
        * (Stoicism is in a way a philosophy about building resilience.  Resilience is a precursor to antifragility))
    * don’t diminish the negative, but have worked out a way to tune in to the good (benefit finding)
    * make an intentional, deliberate and ongoing effort to tune in to what’s good in your world
    * generally optimistic- focus on the big picture, don’t allow slip-up to ruin day, focus on gratitude, and live in the present
* stay open minded and flexible
    * open to new ideas, opportunities, etc
    * recognize that the greatest opportunities come when there is a lot of upheaval
* ask themselves “is what I am doing helping or harming me?”

* The happiness paradox
    * from Tal Ben Shahar
    * pursuance of happiness causes unhappiness and tends to lead to depression (valuing happiness)
    * happiness is best pursued indirectly