Hey boo, gotta spill the tea and let you know, you're my ultimate vibe. You make my heart go cray-cray and my soul say yasss! You slay my world with your style, your smile, and your mad skills. No cap, you're the rizz of my dreams, the one who makes my heart do a TikTok dance. So, lemme keep it 100: I'm totally crushing on you, and I wanna be more than just fam. Let's be each other's ride or die and slay this love game together. What do you say, bae? :)
(Real Serious Verbal Threats to ...
Hey boo, gotta spill the tea and let you know, you're my ultimate vibe. You make my heart go cray-cray and my soul say yasss! You slay my world with your style, your smile, and your mad skills. No cap, you're the rizz of my dreams, the one who makes my heart do a TikTok dance. So, lemme keep it 100: I'm totally crushing on you, and I wanna be more than just fam. Let's be each other's ride or die and slay this love game together. What do you say, bae? :)
(Real Serious Verbal Threats to Xvideos Moderators Funny Parody Video LOL) (Education and Healthcare vs Defense Spending in the United States) (Ex-Marines = Subs = Teachers LMAO) (SPOILER: TL;DR: TIL: Xvideos is run by retarded non-adults) (POV you're an Xvideos moderator and you're being verbally threatened AS A JOKE by Geraldo Rivera Hologram)
Complete💯✔️ Guide🗺️👨🏫📜 to Horse🐴🐎🏇🦄 Masturbation👊💦💦
Horse🐴 masturbation👊💦💦 techniques🥋🤹 aren't🙅 the same♊ kinds of techniques🥋🤹 as, say🗣️, just⚖️ a guy👨 jerking off👊💦 or receiving📫 a blowjob🌬️🍆. They have very specific📍 stimulation💆💡 requirements📜. Generally🎖️ speaking🗣️, it's not🙅 possible🔮 for people👪 to stimulate💆💡 a horse🐎 in the correct✔️ manner🙇. In the videos📺 you've seen👁️ of women👩 "giving🎁 a horse🎠 a blowjob🌬️👅🐡" the horses🐴 aren't🙅 being fully💯 stimulated💡 properly🎩. Their cock🐓🍆 heads👨 aren't🙅 flaring✨, and, in most cases💼, their cocks🐓 are kind of malleable🥀🐍 and can👌 be moved🚚 around↩️ and stuff. This is because the stimulation💡 requirements📜 for getting their cocks🐓🍆 out of their sheaths🗡️👛 is vastly🌊 less than actual ejaculation🍆💦💦. In all of those videos📼, those people👪 are just⚖️ playing🤡⚽ with flaccid🥀 horse🐴 dick🍆 more or less. The "cum"💦💦 you see👁️ in those videos📹 is usually a watered💧 down⬇️ yogurt🥛🥄 that is put⛳ in their mouths👄🤤 in a camera🎥 transition💊🏳️🌈 and held📎 there until they spit🤤💦 it out. In order📦 to use those in most cases💼 though, the horse🐴 has to be willing👌🙋 to "mount"🗻 the device🔬, and begin🎬 the bucking💸🦌 and humping🐫🐪 on their own. This is usually achieved💯✔️ by spreading⚱️ estrus🤰🍑♀️ pheromones🌹👃💞 around↩️, gaining the horse's🐎 attention🛎️⚠️, and having them mount🗻 a sawhorse🚧🦄 or fence🚧 or something where the positioning📍 makes🎨 them believe💫✡️📿 that they are actually on top🎩🎪 of a Mare🐴🤰♀️. Then at that point☝️📌 they are attempting🙋 to shove👐 their, very erect🗼, cocks🐓🍆 into a Mare's🐴🤰♀️ vagina, but there is no🙅 Mare🐴🤰 present. If the person👨 with the artificial🤖 vagina🌮 isn't❌ fast💨 enough to get it around↩️ the horse's🐴 cock🍆, after about🤷 15-30 seconds⏱️ of attempted🙋 mounting🗻 the horse🐴 will try🙋 to give🎁 up⬆️ and reevaluate🤔⁉️ the situation💹. When a mount🗻 is successful💯✔️ though, actual copulation💑🌭🌮 only lasts⏱️ about🤷 15 seconds⏱️, and is VERY intense🎆🌟💥, thusly why the bucking💸🦌 and humping🐫🐪 is a key🗝️🔑 component⚙️🔌 for their ejaculation💦💦💦.
Is 16 and 16.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 an acceptable age gap?
Context: My(16f) boyfriend(16.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001m) and i started dating around 3 months ago.
We met at this wonderful, cozy cafe that just had this amazing atmosphere and i immediately knew he was the one. Obviously, the first thing I asked him was his age, because, i didn't want to get groomed. It was a huge relief when he told me he was 15.748393837394049838283744929837594027264829837493929474893920753902973 years old, because i also happened to be that exact same age at the time (or so i thought). I was still a bit cautious though.
Fast forward to around 2 weeks ago, it was our birthday. The two of us were just celebrating, when we suddenly got a call from the hospital, informing us that my boyfriend's time of birth had been incorrectly registered as 1 Planck time (about 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 years) lesser than it actually was, due to a malfunction in the 45 ton quantum clock operating in the hospital at the time. (It's supposed to count seconds based on the orbital period of an electron in an atom of Silicon, but apparently, it was uncalibrated.) This meant he was actually 1 Planck time older than me.
I immediately started freaking out and, in a panic, anticipating i was about to get groomed, pushed my boyfriend down the stairs. Looking back on it, it might have been an overreaction, but it was in the heat of the moment, and i wasn't thinking straight. He ended up breaking his C1, C3, T7 and L3 vertebrae, and has yet to wake up from his coma.
Without him, I've been having a lot more time to think, so i began wondering if a 1 Planck time (0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 years) age gap is too much? Like, i know it's probably fine... but I'm just not comfortable dating someone that much older. I'm honestly thinking about breaking up with him if he ever wakes up from his coma. I just wouldn't be able to live in constant fear of being groomed. What do you guys think??
According to South Park, it takes 22.3 years before something tragic is funny.
22.3 years is a lot of years, but not all of those years are created equal.
Every 4 years in the modern calendar is a leap year where we have 1 extra day. So therefor the equation for finding the amount of days before something is funny is (22.3 * 365) + 5, as there are 5 leap years within 22.3 years.
After doing the math this means that it would take 8,144.5 days before something tragic is considered funny. And because the first plane hit the twin towers on September 11th, 2001 at 8:46am that means that 9/11 is officially funny on December 29th, 2023 at 8:46PM Eastern Standard Time.
Mark your calendars.
