How does your divorce impact your kids?

Let's face it, divorcing when you share children makes everything more complicated. Not just because of the logistical wishes, expectations, and agreements, but the heart component. Divorce is emotional enough for adults to wrap their heads and hearts around, let alone that idea of having to share with your children that the relationship is ending and everything they know is about to change. Queue the questions.

How do I tell my kids we're getting a divorce?

When do we tell the kids we're getting a divorce?

How much should I tell my kids about the divorce?

Should we wait to divorce until the kids are out of the house?

The truth is that kids want parents to stay together, even if the relationship isn't good. But that's not often the best or healthiest decision for you and your partner. Modeling a healthy relationship for your children is really important! If they see their parents fighting all of the time, that's how they will think relationships are supposed to go. Or maybe you don't fight, but you don't have any real connection or interaction. Do you want that for your kids in their future relationships?

The truth is that honesty is best, both with yourself and your children. It takes two to have a relationship, and if both parties aren't happy, it just won't work. When you decide to end your relationship or marriage, be honest with your kids. (But spare any icky details that might impact their impressions of a parent if that's the case.)

Remind your kids the divorce is between you and your partner. Your dedication is still to provide a loving and healthy home for your kids. You are there to answer their questions and support them through the transition. But remember, you cannot be everything to them. You might have to enlist the help of a therapist as an outlet as they process this change and the new chapter ahead.

At the end of it all, listen to your gut. If you and your partner are committed to what is in your child's best interest and keep them at the forefront of your minds, chances are it'll be ok. Hiccups will arise--take them one at a time. Divorce doesn't have to be hard or traumatizing; it can also be a beautiful story and a new and healthier beginning for everyone involved!