653-Emotional Validation Over Toxic Positivity

An unfortunate reality of happiness practices is that sometimes people can go too far and fall into the toxic positivity trap. Today, we discuss how to prioritize emotional validation over toxic positivity and why it is important. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and today I was reading a fascinating article from Very Well Mind, and it led me to want to talk to you about utilizing emotional validation over toxic positivity. First, let’s break it down.

 

Toxic positivity is forced positive thinking when the situation isn’t appropriate. Unlike general positivity, which encourages us to notice the good things in life, toxic positivity comes at the risk of denying our actual emotions or the emotions of others. An example would be when a friend is telling you that they lost their job, and you respond with “look at the bright side” or “everything happens for a reason.” What happens here is that the person sharing is invalidated in their feelings of sadness, anger, or guilt.

 

The article explains that emotional validation is when people allow themselves and others to experience their feelings in their entirety and acknowledge that having negative emotions is both real and important. By taking the time to learn, understand, and accept our own emotions and experiences, and those of others, we can genuinely process what is going on. Toxic positivity pushes those feelings aside, never allowing them to be processed, and often making someone feel even worse for having them in the first place.

 

So, how can we practice emotional validation over toxic positivity?

 

First, when someone is telling you about a hardship, take a moment to reflect on what they have said and acknowledge their pain. People want to be listened to; they don’t always need an “it’s gonna be okay” immediate response. Start by responding with something like “I understand that you feel sad/upset/angry” to acknowledge their emotions.

 

Second, be supportive and encourage them to elaborate. We never know what’s going on in someone else’s mind, so encouraging them to be honest and reflect on the situation and their feelings is critical.

 

Lastly, validate what they are feeling. Validating someone’s emotions, even negative ones, can go a long way in their recovery process. By saying things like “I see why you feel that way” and “that sounds super tough,” you can support them in their emotional processing. Now, this doesn’t mean to egg them on; it is simply to acknowledge that what they feel is valid.

 

Until next time, remember that kindness is contagious. Spread a little joy in the world by doing something nice for someone.

 

Life is heavy enough, we shouldn’t have to search for happiness.  Get the exclusive happiness email, the happiest email in your inbox, delivered with a smile twice a month. https://www.katiejefcoat.com/email 

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