Why don’t more people rob farms? This week, someone stole a half ton of blueberries from a farm in Newfoundland. An old lady was using a headstone to make fudge. Apple wants to spy on you to figure out if you’re sad or not. A man castrates someone, and would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for a bleeding penis. Finally, scientists learned how to purify chicken, print it into chicken, and then cook it with lasers. Why not just cook it like a regular chicken? We’re a few days late, and always some dollar short, but welcome back to The Hour.