EP 36: Empathy and Validation

In this episode, we dive deep into the concepts of empathy and validation—two critical elements for building strong, meaningful relationships. We explore their differences, why they are essential, and provide practical steps on how to effectively use them in everyday interactions.

Key Discussion Points:

1. What is the Difference Between Empathy and Validation?

   • Empathy:
     • Seeing things from another's perspective.
     • Emotional understanding and connection.
     • Summarizing or reflecting their experience.
   • Validation:
     • Acknowledging that their feelings make sense.
     • Reinforcing that their emotions and experiences matter.

2. Why Do We Need Empathy and Validation?

   • These are foundational for creating safety, attunement, trust, and relational intimacy.
   • Demonstrating safety is crucial if we want to truly hear and connect with someone.

3. Empathy “Misses”

   • Discussion inspired by Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart (specific examples to be shared during the episode).

4. Cognitive Empathy vs. Embodied Empathy

   • Exploring the differences between understanding emotions cognitively versus feeling them on a deeper, more visceral level.

5. Common Reasons People Struggle with Empathy and Validation:

   • Disconnection from our own emotional experiences.
   • Habituated coping mechanisms that keep us emotionally distant.
   • Conditioned responses from our caregivers that we unknowingly repeat.
   • Lack of individuation and the tendency to filter experiences only through our perspective.
   • The pressure to fix, solve, or take away someone else's pain.

6. Steps for Practicing Empathy:

   • Focus on the emotional language being used.
   • Embody the feelings to truly understand them.
   • Relate by recalling similar experiences in your life.

7. Steps for Practicing Validation:

   • Use phrases like:
     • “I understand why you feel this way.”
     • “I didn’t realize how this affected you…”
     • “I respect you for sharing this.”
     • “It makes sense that you’re feeling this way.”

References:

• Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown (pages and specific empathy “misses” discussed in this episode).