Beyond ADHD A Physicians Perspective Ep 11

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: If I only had 24 hours to live, how would I live? What would I do? What things would I take off my plate? Who would you call? What would you eat? Where would you go? What would you not do anymore?

Hi, welcome to beyond ADHD, A Physician's Perspective podcast. I am your host, Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh. I'm a family medicine doc, with ADHD, practicing in a rural setting in Texas.

I am a mother to two very energetic toddlers or three and four years ago. And in the past year, I have undergone radical transformation after discovering ADHD coaching and that coaching for the past decade, my typical day consisted of having 300 charts, backlog, a graveyard of unfinished projects and a lack of time awareness.

I didn't realize that I was not filling my own cup. I was running on fumes the last year. The secret learn to stay in your lane. So now my mission is to help others develop systems that tap into their sown of genius. So they too can reclaim their personal lives back, like I have.

So another topic that I was asked about was how do you have an  unlimited time?

I always see you doing this, doing that, doing that. I don't know how you do everything. What's your secret? The thing is there's no secret. I mean, I used to be somebody who always had like, oh my God, not enough time always had like 90, a hundred projects that were all uncompleted. And I always felt like. My worth was tied to my productivity.

And if I wasn't productive enough, I wasn't worthy enough. And it was just some shennanigans that was happening. So those types of thoughts are not very helpful. But what I have learned is that there are certain things that will create more time and there's certain things that will deplete your time.

And so having an abundance of time is really. Your thoughts about it in the night? I know it sounds weird, but really when you, you start to understand what coaching is, coaching is understanding that there are certain things that can happen in the world, regardless of what we do. And it's always how you react to that thing that it happened that gets you to your.

Outcome. Right. So most of us do what we do because of a fee. Like we either get married, we go to medical school, we go to law school, you know, get a job, buy a new house, buy a new purse because of the feeling that oh, having that my make me feel more happy or will make me feel like I've arrived or make me feel like accomplish the thing is.

We always feel like there's not enough time. There's always this question of how, can I fit everything in how, how, how, how I'm always so overwhelmed if you're thinking that. There's not enough time. Like if your thought is time, like that's the fact that everybody would put in their thoughts, time is there.

And if you're thinking I don't have enough time, you're obviously going to feel very stressed and overwhelmed and you're going to feel like life is just not. You might feel like there's a pressure on your chest. You might feel conflicted. You might feel like a lump on your throat. And the actions that you might take is delaying things like putting things off or doing other things that are not as important as to stuff that you needed to do.

Like we are professional buffers, meaning where we might start cleaning the house. And we might start doing laundry or making phone calls instead of the actual things that are more important that could save you time. Like if you just paid, let's say, your daycare fee or your tuition fee or your motrgage or different things like that, there are certain things that we need to do firsthand and we don't do because they seem a little bit complicated.

Like maybe the taxes, right. Tax season is coming up. When we are doing other things we're buffering because we're thinking, oh, I'm too stressed. I'm too stressed. I'm stressed. I don't have time to exercise. I don't have time to eat right. I don't have time to sleep. I don't have time to, you know, sit down and read a book with my kids.

I don't have time. I don't have time. I don't have time. Then the results ends up being that you give all your power away. Like you just let life happen to you. Instead of you realizing that you get to decide what is important, what should have your attention? You get to decide how you handle time. If you're more intentional, and if you had a different thought, like I have plenty of time, or time is abundance.

Oh, you have, you're like me, you have no time awareness sometimes. So whether it's one minute or five minutes, they feel the same to me, which is wonderful when you're my patient in my room, because a time stands still. And. The only thing that's in front of me. And you're the only thing. That's the most precious thing in that moment in time, but it's not so great when you're the one waiting to see me when I've taken so long with that other patient.

Again, the thought, the thought, the thought is what's going to get you to how you're feeling. So you're thinking I have plenty of time. Then you feel like content, you feel happy, you feel alive, you feel limitless, right. You then decide that you focus on what's the most important and you execute. And then the result is you feel like you have an endless, endless amount of time. .

So with that being said, like, I want to share some things with you of ways that I have learned that are sometimes we're not really so easy for me to learn, but they have definitely shown me that when life just keeps happening, right. When you make decisions ahead of time, that helps. Things that will make you have more time is making decisions.

A lot of us don't want to make decisions. Sometimes we don't trust ourselves that like, maybe your taste is not as good, or like, let's say you're building a house and you're like, oh, I don't want to make that decision. That's too much of a decision. Let me just wait for my husband or let me wait for my friend.

Or let me ask what they think about the color or what they think about the cabinets. The thing is it's going to be your house. So why don't you decide what you want, make a decision. That decision is going to move you forward. You're going to move on to the next step. Don't get overwhelmed that there's so many decisions to make.

What have you make the wrong one? Like that's what your brain is going to tell. But I truly believe that everybody, when they make a decision, they're doing it from a place of how can I make this simple and easier for myself in the long run? Like nobody wakes up and says, oh, how can I make this so complicated today?

So that the rest of the day I spin out and I try to figure out how to undo all this mess that I just did. Right. And nobody wakes up thinking that. So honor yourself, make a plan, make a decision, trust your gut, trust yourself, and know that sometimes we might not get what we want, but the universe will give us what we need.

And sometimes what we need is better than what we even wanted. It, we didn't even realize that constraints. Just say no to things that are not for you. And, and I know we all tend to be people pleasers and some of us are a little bit better than others, but when we decide that you have the right answer and you've had the right answer all along, it's just different.

You learn to say, no, you learn to say. No, two things that don't like belong with you, and that causes you to feel like you got your own back and you trust yourself. So creating time is important from the decisions that you make. Sometimes failing, failing royally is important. It's still creates time because now you know that that didn't work out and now you can make the next big decision.

And now you can move on instead of sitting there and indecision and confusion and regret and and judging yourself, all those things, they don't give you more time. They take away time. It's silly how sometimes we will think about how to do something for long, long, long. Like when I was shopping for a house, like sometimes those type of purchases, obviously you have to be a little bit more give and take and you have to take your time examining like where it is in what neighborhood. What school, your kids might go to, it might take a little bit more time to make a decision, but other decisions such as like, what food am I going to eat today? What am I going to wear today? Like all those are decisions that you should make them quickly and move along because. You don't have time to dwell on all of that.

Let me tell you, I used to be somebody who wake up and be like, okay, what do I feel like eating today? And like the whole day was consumed with the thought, like, what am I eating? What am I not eating? And it was just, it was just a hot mess. And so when I decided last year that I was ready to lose weight and I've been able to lose 20 pounds, I decided I was going to make as many questions.

And answers beforehand. And I decided I was going to try to make things simple. So for, for a while, I would bring like a loaf of bread, peanut butter and jelly to the clinic. And that was going to be my breakfast every day. I had decided. I had made five decisions already. I didn't have to think every single morning, what am I going to have for breakfast?

I already decided ahead of time. And then for lunch, I was lucky enough where I could go to work. And in my work, we can go to the cafeteria. So on Monday, I would just see what menu was there. And I would just write it all. I would check, check, check, check, check, check boxes. I wouldn't remember what I checked, but I had made the decisions.

Right. And then at home, my husband and I like on a Sunday would figure out what I needed to order on Instacart so that they can come and bring me the goods so that he could cook for the evenings. And sometimes he would cook. One day and then we would have extra food, like leftover for the rest of the days and stuff like that.

So anytime that you make decisions ahead of time, you're using a part of the brain that is called a prefrontal cortex, which lets you be conscious and objective with the way. Things can go and it could be easier and smoother for you. So that's going to create a lot of time because if you think about it, instead of me trying to make 20 meals in a week, all of a sudden I just, I didn't have to.

It was quick, right? Not judging yourself or sometimes going through the drive-through or sometimes a reheating stuff, or sometimes. Doing things your own way is it's still very valid. Like you need to make sure you meet yourself where you are and that you stopped doing things that you think you should be doing because somebody else told you because whatever and, and do it your way.

Because when you start to do things that aligned with you, That are your intention that you're living out your values. All of a sudden it becomes so much easier to say no to the things that are just not really aligned with you. And, don't get me wrong. It's human nature to want to fit in because we want to be, you know, in a community where we're all accepted and everything is peachy.

Right. Our brain is going to tell us that if we don't come form, if we don't do exactly what everybody else is doing, we're doing it wrong, but that's not the case. Like everybody has a way of doing things. And so we just got to make sure that we trust herself enough and that we do things from a perspective of, of just wanting to be ourselves. Right. And so it's so important that you stop pretending that you don't have enough time. If you were to get in a car accident today, if you were to get a phone call today that your kid was, on the playground and passed out or whatever you would drop, everything you would find time for, what is the most important thing with the pandemic, it has really gotten me to think if I only had 24 hours to live, how would I live? What would I do? What things would I take off my plate? And you got to think that way, like who would you call? What would you eat? Where would you go? What would you not do anymore? Ask yourself those questions. If I had 24 hours to live, what would I do?

Well, what have I had a week? What have I had a month? What if I had a year? What if I had five years? It doesn't have to be hard. Don't complicate it. What do you really want? What is really important? Is it important that you pick up your kid every day and spend time with them reading? Is it important that you went for a walk?

Is it important that you started to learn how to play the guitar? Is it important that you went for a massage? Is it important that you talk to your. Is it important that you had dinner with a friend? Is it important that you had a date night with your spouse? What is important only, you know, so stop pretending like you're confused and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And you don't have enough time plus excuses. It's time to stop making excuses and start living the life that you want to live.

As someone who understands that time is our most valuable asset. I am so honored that you have shared your time with me. Please click the subscribe button and join my Facebook group Beyond ADHD Physician's Perspective so that you never missed an opportunity to create time at will. Do share this podcast with your friends so they too can learn to live life and stay in their own lane.