Beyond ADHD A Physician‘s Perspective Podcast The Pilot Episode

Hi, welcome to Beyond ADHD, a Physician's Perspective podcast. I am your host, Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh, I'm a family medicine doc with ADHD, practicing in a rural setting in Texas. I am a mother to two very energetic toddlers who are three and four years of age. And in the past year, I have undergone radical transformation after discovering ADHD, coaching, and life coaching.

For the past decade, my typical day consisted of having 300 charts, backlog, a graveyard of unfinished projects and a lack of time awareness. I didn't realize that I was not filling my own cup. I was running on fumes the last year. I figured out the secret learn to stay in your lane. So now my mission is to help others develop systems that tap into their sown of genius.

So they too can reclaim their personal lives back. Like I have. Name it to tame it. Name your fear. Mine was not being good enough. I was afraid others would find out I had eight. I was afraid that I will be judged for not having my own shit together. The pandemic did a really good job at amplifying that belief.

I share my story in this podcast so that you can see that I'm no different than you it's been less than a year. Since I first went on a podcast and shared with the world that I too had ADHD and that I got diagnosed during my first semester of medical school and that as a physician, having ADHD could actually be a gift because it allowed me to figure out I didn't need to have the answers in one minute.

Like the standardized tests make us feel like we do. I was able to take my time listening to the patient's story. And analyze it in different angles. And sometimes yes on the fly. I would tell them, let me look this up. So the thing is that having ADHD is a neutral situation. It's whatever thoughts you're having about the diagnosis that is going to cause you to feel a certain way.

For me, I was feeling ashamed. I felt imposter-like, I felt like. People were going to know that it was just a fluke, that I was in the room. I went to a medical school where only 20 of us were minorities and the rest of my 200 classmates were white. So I felt like my grades were not stellar and that I compared myself to them. And I thought that, you know, they might've made a mistake. Why did they let me in? And so having ADHD was never in my radar, having ADHD for me meant I was no longer perfect when I grew up. I've thought that by doing everything right, like getting good. I was going to earn people's love. And so when I got diagnosed with this, I thought, oh my God, that's it I'm broken.

I'm never going to be perfect. And again, what does perfectionism mean anyways? Um, as a kid, it man's acceptance. Right? And we all think that we're going to go a certain way. We're going to get the perfect job. We're gonna have the perfect house. We're going to have a perfect marriage. The thing is that nobody tells you that life is a journey and that getting to all those goals doesn't mean like life is any easier. You have to enjoy the journey along the way. So when I was finally diagnosed to me, instead of being a relief, it was more like, like a shock, I guess. And I didn't want anybody to know. So, like I was saying, like, if I looked around, everybody in my family behaved the way I behaved, so it was never really in my radar and it makes sense.

Right. It's genetic. So I did really well on the things that I enjoyed. I excelled in high school academically. I remember being pulled in and being told you're number two, out of a class of 700. When I was a junior in high school, and I was a little surprised by that, honestly, because I thought I was doing what everybody else was doing study.

I didn't realize that I was, you know, quote unquote on top of my class. But looking back, there was always signs that I had ADHD. I mean, I was, I remember my dad one time was, driving with me as I was learning to drive and I almost ran a red light. Well, it was orange, it was yellow. Okay. It was yellow.

And I knew I could make the turn. And I remember him being so flustered with me and he was like, pull over, pull over, pull over. I'm going to drive. You're gonna, you're scaring me. And so it is that we've lived life on the edge. It is that we're always under minding how much time things are going to take. And of course I was running late to work like always, right.

We tend to be the dreamers. We tend to always tell you how long something's going to take you, but we don't tell you the time that it takes before and after the completion of certain tasks. So in. You know, I excelled, why probably part of the process was that I was running 10 miles a day. I was in the cross country team and yes, I made the varsity team as a sophomore, junior and senior.

Not because I was fast, but because of the fact that everybody around me was not Passy. And I was the only one who kept showing up to the practices. And I was the only one who kept doing what. So I am a first generation Mexican American student who attended college and medical school. And I remember when I first got diagnosed, I was being evaluated for anxiety and for depression, because to me not passing.

Test meant I was letting down, not just myself, but like all my family. Like I had to be a role model when I was the oldest of three. And I felt like I have to set the example. They did tell me during my testing, I had a neuro psych testing. They told me that I was at that point, performing like two, two years, I guess, below where I should be.

And because of that, They told me that, uh, my English was a little bit behind, but they said that I was doing okay. Everywhere else. So I didn't have anxiety. I didn't have depression. It just seemed to get worse. Whenever I felt like frustrated because I couldn't complete the tasks that they wanted me to complete during those tests or in any test for that matter.

So, um, I learned to speak English when I was 10 after my family moved to Texas from the border and here in south Texas. And you know, I looking back, I was always a kid running around. I was always getting in trouble. My dad had to come and sit down. My mom had to come and sit down in the classroom because even though they would give me more work and more work, I would complete that work.

And then at some point they just started promoting me every four to six weeks, they would up me up a grade, and so eventually I, matched where I had to be. The thing is with people with ADHD, we always keep showing up. Right. And I think that the fact that you keep showing up and that you keep saying what other people are not wanting to say, sometimes this promotes you and this makes you a leader..

And so, you know, I was a high school vice-president of the NHS club. I was the secretary of the honor society in the, in St. Mary's university. You know, I was the chief medical officer at the residency. I was the 2013 resident teacher award, a resident for teaching others. You know, you just keep showing up and you are willing to put in those small steps and eventually they add up.

So sometimes, you know, we forget that we need to put ourselves first. And during this whole pandemic, I came to realize that I did not do that, that I had a love, hate relationship. Right. Like in the sense that I love my patients, but I didn't know how to set boundaries with my time. Like, I didn't know how to, not how to ask politely for me not to be interrupted at certain times. I was just not aware of the time management aspect. So in this last year, I've actually discovered life coaching and ADHD coaching. And that has led me to a growth that has been transformational for me.

And so all this is an introduction to explain to you why I am putting together this podcast.

My goal here is to show you how I, Diana Mercado-Marmarosh, Family Medicine Physician is able to give you the ADHD perspective. As someone who understands that time is your most valuable asset. I am so honored that you have shared your time with me. Please click the subscribe button and join my Facebook Group: Beyond ADHD, A Physician's Perspective so that you never missed an opportunity to create time at will. Do share this podcast with your friends, so they too can learn to live, life and stay in their ow