How do you answer “how are you” from a friend when “fine” seems shallow but the truth is a rabbit hole?

This question came up because I have a friend in the UK who has commented on several occasions how we (North Americans) use “how are you” as a greeting rather than a question. But when he asks me, he is actually asking the question and wants an answer other than “fine.”

 

I asked Atif Agha to start this conversation off and he talked about being aware. It is the right friend and the right time to actually get into the true answer of how you are. Some people don’t need or want more detail than “I’m fine.”

 

Glady Baradaran says she has tried to teach herself not to ask “how are you?” She doesn’t like it when people ask that as a greeting and believes there are so many other, better questions you can ask someone.

 

Lisa Howard made the observation that if things aren’t great and a friend asks, she might say something like “going okay” or “hanging in there.” If the friend picks up from her tone that things aren’t great and stops to ask for more details or to listen, then she knows she can share a bit more. But if they must brush over it, she just keeps the details to herself.

 

What do you think of the question “how are you” and how do you answer it?

 

Connect with the panelists:

Atif Agha: https://www.linkedin.com/in/atifagha/

Technology specialist doing data analytics and avid runner, based in Chicago

 

Glady Baradaran: https://www.linkedin.com/in/glady-baradaran-6238071a/

15 years of HR experience and a love for organizational development. Based in Canada.

 

Lisa Howard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lhoward2/

Founder of People Core Strategies, an HR consulting company. She is a trusted fractional HR Advisor - Helping Companies Grow through Effective People Strategies

 

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

 

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#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com