What no oncology patient wants to see or hear...
"New lesions. One here... another new lesion here... here... here."
"Ascites and another new pocket of fluid here."
I'm relying on treatment and some sort of crazy positive... possible outcome. One that, I'm not sure really at this point what to expect. I honestly believe... I am just fooling myself.
What no oncology patient wants to see or hear...
"New lesions. One here... another new lesion here... here... here."
"Ascites and another new pocket of fluid here."
I'm relying on treatment and some sort of crazy positive... possible outcome. One that, I'm not sure really at this point what to expect. I honestly believe... I am just fooling myself.
I had an e-visit this morning to go over things with my hospital specialists and let's face it... things don't look very promising. After I got off that e-visit... I just cried. More so out of frustration. Lately, I have become more angry at myself... for deciding to save myself six years ago. Maxing out the gold standard so to speak, oncology treatments.
They didn't even work. Instead, I was released with a five year prognosis.
Right now, I feel as if my specialists are just joining me along on this crazy ride to spare me... a bit more time.
I'm not even sure if a bit more time is worth this roller-coaster ride?. Then my specialists assistant calls to go over new medication to help control the pain, that let's face it... has gotten a hell of a lot worse. Hearing recent scan reports, it's no wonder and should it really come as a shock?.. No.
More PA forms and other red flags, hurdles for even hospital specialists to jump through with the insurance company. Now since I have two different insurance plans... we are crossing fingers things get approved much sooner!
I was hit with a lot of tough questions and decisions that will need answered during my next hospital visit. Five weeks to be precise. I'd be crazy to think... I have no fears. My five year prognosis has come and gone. I then made it past the six year mark. Now as I was told, "Things are progressing and so are secondary complications. Your pain is going to continue getting worse. Do you have all of your wishes in writing?"
I made a phone call after my e-visit to an attorney that the scheduling nurse gave me. If only to make sure I do have all of my wishes correctly, legally documented. I had to make, once again, changes over the past few months. Maybe... I need to make a few other changes?. I'm not sure, but that's why the nurse felt it is good to just sit down and go over everything with an attorney. If I can't physically meet, at least the law office offers video appointments.
I have a lot of concerns... obvious fears regarding the path my health is taking. The pain itself concerns me. Especially, because it is starting to radiate in areas that it has yet to reach. The "It's going to continue getting worse part." That is what scares me, because no one wants to be in pain 24/7 that only continues getting worse, not better.
Not having much, if any kind of appetite lately, at least makes perfect sense now. You can't get past the reports. Medical reports don't lie. What you can't see with the naked eye.
There were three very valid questions that were asked of me. Decisions that will need to be answered. At least... I have five weeks, soul searching.
For now, at least I am still able to get out on the daily. Walking has always been a way to help free my mind, any stress and to reset myself. At least, I am still able to do so with my beloved Snoreo. He has truly stepped it up since Blue's passing. If there was ever a soul dog... Snoreo is mine. I promised him, we will stick together till the end.
❣️👩🦰🐶❣️
Free Yourself...My Journey
freeyourselfmyjourney@yahoo.com
