Ep 40. Relationships, Silence, The Korean Superpower of NUNCHI

Why it was hard to record during a crumbling relationship.  What learning and experience I take forward despite the horrors of Covid-19. Going to a new career. Vlog explanation. Book review - Nunchi:  The Korean Secret to Happiness and Success by Euny Hong.  Voting.  Continuing the mindful revolution.  If you haven't, please leave any comment, it helps SO much (my favorite podcasters insist it does).

For hot dude-oir posts and gym selfies, follow www.instagram.com/ethansharrettofficial

 

 

The JOYFull Podcast – Hosted by Ethan Sharrett – Ep 40. Relationships, Silence, The Korean Superpower of Nunchi. 

0:10     Before we start this episode, a big Happy Birthday to my mother. A just appreciation for everything that she did, [and for] making me realize at all times that love is the highest thing that we can strive for in every situation. And every mother has such a lot of work to do, and their kids are going to love them. And then they're going to blame them for everything. But any blaming that is done that is just one step on the road to self-accountability and taking control of their own lives. And so if you feel that child with love, like my mother did, it's all an amazing thing. So thank you for everything you do. And Happy birthday, Mom.

1:01     Welcome to my podcast. Thank you so much for listening. I owe a big explanation to the time, it's been since the last episode. Or if you're pretty new to this, you might have just listened to the last episode today. So I don't owe you an explanation. Except to the dates because you can still probably see like, "Oh, man, this guy hasn't podcasted for a long time." But it has been a while. And so I wanted to give a brief update, and just talk a little bit, because I was working on something. And I was like, "You know what, I should kind of work on this and the podcast at the same time." I'll get into more of that later. But an update is, yeah, some exciting things, some challenging things, which is, you know, I never know what to... There's a few months there after the virus started, and some big changes in my life, like a move or relationship. There are some moments that I didn't have the right place to give you like an authentic glimpse into what was going on. And I know that this whole thing was begun at as an idea to give you those glimpses as things were going on. And the challenges of what I was dealing with. So that hopefully more people could relate to those as they might have dealt with them, or it could at least relate to when they were dealing with them. But I just couldn't find the right moment that I was like, "This is what I want to share." It was fast blur.

2:58     So the last episode, I talked about how I had dedicated some time when I had my previous job to try to advance and change careers. And that had been kind of a big risk for me to resign from a job with the confidence that I could bounce into this different career path, different industry, different job functions and things like that. And I think on the last episode, it might have been a downer. I was probably like "Don't do what I did, or something." Like I still don't have a job yet. I jumped the gun on that. I was overly confident and just kind of sharing with you where I was on that.

3:57     Well, it was a hard road and I didn't get a new job as fast as I would have liked to. But I eventually did. I get a new job outside of my industry in an exciting line of work, in the digital content space, in marketing. And it's been exciting to learn things I've never learned, work with people who I've never worked with before and a whole different type of space. That has been really cool. And it was a difficult road that included not having much income for a while and surviving only on what I could Uber or what I could get through the Lyft and Uber driving, which was fun by the way. Did I tell you how much fun that was on the past episode? I really liked getting people in the car talking to them whenever possible and hearing what they had to say about this and that. If there's like... It's kind of cool. I look forward to actually to doing that again alongside of the next career. So that I could do that career and then sometimes go out and make a little bit of extra money during the driving and checking in with people of from all walks of life and sharing moments with them in the Uber or Lyft or what have you... I definitely prefer Uber. I don't know why but you have to use Lyft as well, if you want to get the maximum amount of rides.

5:50     So what I was doing for a while and it got to be a little frustrating. I mean, grace of God that I did qualify for the stipend of unemployment, the stimulus, payment, those types of things kept me afloat. And it was an amazing thing that I was able to get those and I still might just blows my mind still. But now since then I have gotten that job. I had to get help on my resume. I had to attend interviewing classes. My brother and his wife really helped me out with my resume. There is job interviews that went terribly awry like I told you on the last episode. But I eventually after that interviewing seminar and that Rebs that resume assistance that I got. It really ended up giving me a cool new opportunity. And so that's kind of the update about the job.

7:07     The virus update, it was a really unique time for every single person but and still continues to be. But so many people have shared with me how the good that they got out of it whether their life was completely different for one week whether it was different for a long, long time. A lot of people that had their kids at a school, whoa, that was a whole new experience just to be with your child that much. Whoa, that's challenging. I mean, you just see immediately when you talk to a parent no matter what age their kid is just to be... It seems like it would be a gift. And it is a gift. It's an amazing gift. But the energy that it takes from you to go from your child is in daycare throughout the bulk of the day or has a nanny or whatever or is in like a school through the bulk of the day to like 24/7, you are right there and have to make sure that child is like stimulated, entertained, fed, occupied at all times. It sheds light on an interesting concept about how significant that is, as a society as civilization in this country even which is the pride of the capitalistic. Everything's not a government program. It's as many things as possible are private entities and private companies.

9:10     However, one thing all people agree on throughout the country is that there's got to be a place for our kids to be away from the home for a large majority of a day, for a large majority of the year. That's a funny thing that even more than public pay for hospitals for medical care. It's like we need to make sure these kids all have a place to freaking go. Because it is not natural for parents that have to understand how to take care of their kid all freaking day. You got to be a professional for that. It showed me that for sure. But make no mistake, I have several pictures that will remind me of what an amazing unique time that was to explore full days upon full days with my son and my girlfriend now ex-girlfriend’s daughter and the kids in the neighborhood through that time. Also through that time, other really interesting things were the neighbors that lived on the street. The entire dynamic of a neighbor or a person at the store or something definitely neighbors. It shifted from that person that you wave to, do the little finger wave above your steering wheel or smile, like "Hey, how you doing? Great. How are you? Great. Take care." those simple, courteous interactions with so many people became very..., when nobody was working for a while or nobody was driving to an office for those... Most people, actually, incidentally, most people on that street simply didn't go to their office anymore but stayed home. But for that reason they're always outside. And there is also an atmospheric shift, what I really attribute to the difference of the sound of the atmosphere.

11:23   I remember one day walking out and realizing even though it was like a mile from the interstate. This is like a tucked away place in the trees and very seemingly secluded and you can hear owls at night. It's very dark there and you can see stars up above. But it's a little residential kind of circle and cul-de-sac type of area with great little condos not huge not tiny, super responsible people around that neighborhood, super friendly people. So it's not like an urban place where there's typically a lot of traffic noise, however, the extent of the virus shutdown was [Inaudible 12:15] and that this the seizing of the traffic on the interstate that was almost a mile away. It was so dramatic and so significant that the one day, I remember, thinking I've never experienced silence like this. It was both eerie and enlightening and calming. And I was really thankful for just the chance to look around. And see, by and large, everybody is okay at this time, at this moment that is completely silent. And there's no cars driving around. And just children were all playing in the street and the first several days that people really started coming together out in the street to let our kids play and to talk to one another. We actually had little chalk outlines to make sure that everybody stayed six feet away and the kids would stay within their families like little chalk bubble. And that lasted for a little while but over time you just got so accustomed. It seemed like one big family unit. And it became a little bit of gray lines to keep like your kids away from their kids and etc. So definitely see more and more relaxed.

13:41   Even though it was still definitely don't bring out a bag of chips that all kids are going to reach into. Don't share drinks with people. Don't offer somebody else some food where normally you might have said "Hey, have some of these brownies or whatever." Not that kind of brownie. You wouldn't. It just was understood that you don't... There is still some type of level of honoring the contagion as it were. But it definitely got more relaxed. And these neighbors that you'd normally would have just said given a wave to become like you knew everything about. Where they're from? Where their family's from? Who their aunts and uncles are? How many brothers and sisters they have? What their days are like? And hanging out with him all the time. So, it was an amazing realization to think of what the potential there is for those things that are right around you all the time and they could be so much more. And silence, listen. Silence. Total silence for a while was something that I'm gonna remember for a long time. Noise pollution has always been a thing that I just wish I could experience like zero noise pollution again. I've heard there's some country where no cars are allowed or Island or something. It'd be really interesting to go there. Love it.

15:21   So that's like the virus update. Let's see the relationship update. Man, I would love to get into that with you. I'm not sure I feel ready yet. But the there was a relationship that I was pretty fired up about that things didn't seem to work in the end. And wow, I mean, just culture has gone. So different, so fast that if you've been out of the dating world for a while and you try to get back into it. You see just the difference like, for example, now I'm like rebuilding. I have some side projects going on with the vlog and the channel and the podcast and some videos that I put together and a full time job that I love. And just like rebuilding but still I freaking wants some interaction. And therefore I'm on these dating websites. And you just imagine... We're just all swiping each other and expectations can't fricking meet. I'm not relationship material right now. I'm on under construction. You know what I mean. It's still on there. And other people like women are out there too. And they're probably not relationship material at all. Just got out of a relationship. No clue how to really make it work with the next one. But we're all on there swiping around and try not to be hurt. And so that's the world I'm living in right now. And a lot of things go into that, geez, I should have..., I'm gonna change my name, have a whole different podcast that's just about that. So I can say, breaking anything because there's a lot to be said. Just God bless you, if you're trying to date these days. Please allow yourself to change. I'm trying to allow myself to change and just embrace what the culture is right now. And go with the flow. That seems to be a good thing to do and don't take anything too seriously and go treat yourself. So that hopefully is a relationship thing.

18:04   It's tough with children but one thing that I know is the children need, above all, just an example of how to be happy. And so that keeps..., I truly, truly believe that no matter what I say to my son (no matter what) I tell him what he sees (what your kids see) is the way that you interact in the world. They just see what you do. So he probably detects like a little bit of, a tiny bit of confusion. Yeah, it's alright to be a little confused sometimes. But still that like things are awesome and we can appreciate everything around us and welcome every single day is like an awesome new day. And that is what gives me a boost to feel happy about everything. How did this get to multiple pods of my personal update? I remember for a while, I'll give you a personal update, a societal current events update and then a cultural update something like that. A method or technique that I've been working on or that I'm studying, an approach, an idea, a concept that I've been studying. That was the three things personal update, society and culture and then a skill method technique, approach that I've been studying. So somehow today, the personal update has been multiple facets of my personal update.

20:12   So I guess the next thing is, I guess there is something that I'm kind of that a new concept somebody gave me a book about this Korean concept of nunchi. And that is really fascinating. I recommend it. Let me go get it real quick. Alright, so the title of the book is "The power of nunchi" and nunchi is spelled N.U.N.C.H.I. by Euny Hong. This is called the Korean secret to happiness and success, the power of nunchi. And I'll try to summarize it but I definitely recommend you pick it up. It's an easy read, quick read, casual style but definitely an expert, this woman, Euny Hong, E.U.N.Y. H.O.N.G. and it seems to be this idea that in the Korean culture is so important. Basically, of knowing what's appropriate and inappropriate in any scenario, a lot of it is, it comes down to reading other people to see what really is appropriate. You might have an instinct that if you observed really what's going on your instinct is probably not a good play or it might not be. So just observe the room, observe the people you're with, to see what's appropriate and really what's going to be a good move to make the energy in the room better and to jibe with everything. And it's not always like this Western idea of kind of taking over a room or changing the energy of a room. And it's a lot about the classroom, the office meeting room, any kind of space that you happen to be a part of. There's like this overall taking in of what's going on at that time. And kind of appreciating everybody's part of it and doing your part in the best way possible. It's a really interesting read it. It really makes you think about, it makes me think about some of the things that I do, some things that I've done, some things other people do. I'll try to give you an example. I don't know if I can give an example because I didn't bookmark anything or highlight anything.

23:15   But it's pretty much like learning how to be still and see what's going on around you. And what cues people miss sometimes that we miss sometimes. One that really sticks with me is the idea of... Here's one, let me give you this example. If somebody says "Well, we have to clean this up..." So there's a little party, a dinner party or something and somebody goes. "We have to get cleaning up. So thank you so much for coming over." So they gave the excuse that they have to clean up. And then somebody without this skill of observing what's going on with the people who just said that the host that said, "We have to clean up or whatever." Somebody with very slow nunchi or bad nunchi might come back with "Hey you guys, we can clean up. Let me help you clean up. You know it's all right." Like whatever somebody offers you might try to overcome that. Whereas if you were really paying attention, they're being nice and that's a time for you to leave. And there are many examples of that type of thing in the book. And some of them really make it seem a little bit selfish and very, very ignorant to not see some of the cues that we give to each other that people don't see. For example, if somebody looks at their watch and says they have to get going. I mean, really it is your job with nunchi to say "Thank you. Goodbye" and bad nunchi to overcome whatever reason they have to go. And if they were being inauthentic and expecting in saying that to see what your reaction would be and see if you would try to encourage them to stay. Well, then that's just an inauthentic thing to say and that their own issue and that's not your job to address that. It's just to take them for what they said and allow them to do that. So it's full of different examples of that go across all different facets of life and different types of relationships, different scenarios.

26:18   Another one was a weird situation, where it was like imagine you go into a job interview and the person that you're meeting with says that they want somebody who works very well independently. That you don't need a lot of instruction. And then all of a sudden somebody busts in the room, a woman that is more of a loud talker and doesn't introduce herself at all to the other guy that you were interviewing with and seems to kind of say whatever she wants and tells you, "Well, whoever... I'm not sure. I haven't seen your resume. But I hope that you're a good team player." So basically the opposite of what the first guy was saying. So you're thinking, how did that woman behave? That guy did not correct her or anything. She was very free. She's probably the superior one in that department. She's probably the one that actually makes the decisions. So your response, if she goes, "So are you a team player is something?" Your response should definitely respect her what she said with as much weight. And in this scenario that person should give the response that they are a team player but have also been asked to do a lot independently and they're comfortable in both. But you're supposed to evaluate based on little cues of what's really going on and also honor the authenticity of everything it's said.

27:58   So that's I guess part two. Part Three is what's going on. And I guess we have an election coming up. I just hope that people can have faith that no matter what we shouldn't... If there's a quality that you don't like in a candidate in a political side. Just have faith that it's okay. There's some amazing virtues that give one side their like motivation. And I think we have to celebrate those virtues on the opposite sides of our political motivation and really latch on to those and not act like the specifics of what they're saying. And that really looking for what virtues motivate them or is going to be significant, if you actually really want to have a better tomorrow. Regardless of who ends up getting voted for (ends up getting elected in anything), I think we're all just tired of the polarity and just the vitriol on both sides. I certainly am. And I'm almost to the point where I'll just, "Hey, I don't care who's president. I'm going to support that person. I'm going to vote quietly with who I would prefer in my heart. And then I'm not going to bitch about it. I'm just going to do what I can to actually contribute positively and support people." That's where I come out on that. And I also don't watch the news. I mean, listen to so many smart people that say they're going to learn things from how they have to learn them. They're definitely not going to spend their time watching the news on TV. Because it never makes them feel good and it never accomplishes anything. And they can never forget that the news exists to sensationalize and grab your attention, which is not done through neutralization of an issue and bridging have an issue but of heightening and magnifying the tension of an issue.

30:47   Easy peasy lemon squeezy. It's as simple as that. So turn that shit off. Protect your brain space. And just do a simple vote from your heart. The one cool thing that I do appreciate when people are if they want to be an activist is just to see if those around them are voting. And to make sure that people have registered and encourage them and invite their friends and family to make sure that they do go cast a vote. Just because it's a simple fricking thing. Even if you don't think your vote is really going to shift things in one way or another let's just do it and vote. And I'm guilty of saying that, "Hey, my state was decided months ago, there's no point of me voting." I'm guilty of that too. But if somebody told me what I'm saying. What I'm telling you now is please just make that vote and make that vote your activism. And then fricking make everything else some positive energy. That's my current events culture thing.

32:04   Exciting for me is just building out another channel with I've been building for a while. Look for it. I have a channel that it was really built out of the realization that a while ago, a few years back, I was in a job. I was doing something every day that I wasn't enjoying. And that I felt like wasn't furthering my skills. I wasn't using it to utilize my gifts, my talents, my interests and I wasn't contributing anything of myself to the greater good. And that last one actually made me feel the lowest of all. I actually guilty of spending eight hours of every single day. And really if you think about the time of ironing, cleaning, making lunch, doing hair/ makeup, whatever, driving to work, driving from work. That decompression time you need when you get out of traffic at home and before you have enough energy to make dinner or something like that. You were talking about 10~11 hour commitment every single day that I was making. And it was only to basically do what's needed for the job and that's it. And not contribute to the amazing gift of brief, the amazing brief gift of life on earth. And I was like "I'm squandering what time God has given me and I'm not helping anyone out." I'm not doing my... I have unique experiences and perspectives as every single person does because nobody has your exact experiences and I have an expertise of my profession. And whether you push a broom or you do admin or you're a specific kind of attorney, you have your unique experiences and you have some type of expertise. And I wasn't using that to actually contribute to the greater good for anything. And that became like this thing that made me feel guilty for a while.

34:48   For a long while, but luckily I was doing my work. Waking up early. Listening to my favorite inspirational teachers. Reading. Studying myself, kind of exploring before work every day. Keeping on doing those things to just try to improve and explore, "When is my life not being the best it can be." And some of the concepts that kept on coming up. They kept on being repeated by everybody and everything I read were, always stay positive or look for the positive in any situation, which sometimes can be a challenge, but it's your. You can keep on doing it. Every challenge is an opportunity. There's more there, if you give more. So keep giving more. Every challenge is an opportunity. And sometimes what you think is in your way is actually the key to your next best step. So when it became clear to me that there's this barrier, that there's this job. It's like in my way but I have to have it. I can't... Maybe if you don't have a family, if you don't have children. You can just say "I'm gonna just backpack for a while" and quit your job. But that's not even an option. Even though it crosses your mind, you're like that's not an option. So the barrier really was my time. The time that I have to spend is I really felt like it was just stealing from I've been given life (a gift of life). And I was just stealing it to get by on my job. And I wasn't able to use any... I wasn't able to learn, give anything more use gifts, explored (expand) gifts and enhance my own skills.

37:18   But that barrier that kept coming up in these concepts from everyone. That barrier can actually be the thing that lifts you up to the next highest thing that you should be doing and I started doing that. I started putting more into everything I did. I started just examining everything for how this can be made to be awesome. What can I learn from this? What bigger picture can I keep, can I look for in every task that I'm doing, that will add to my understanding? If all I can do is just smile at situations that didn't get a smile before. If I smile 10 times, well, I get 10 smiles back. No, but that's 10 more chances to get a smile back that I didn't get the day before. Of course and just started reaching out and giving more and just looking for way. This doesn't just have to be this thing I can do it full on and try to make it fun. And then I started getting back more into making the videos about some of these things and having fun with the people that they were working where I was working. And that's what the channel came out of which I'm excited about, building more now. But that's what it came out of is whatever your job is, whatever your talents are, they can probably help each other and you can put... And if you don't have talents or if you don't think you have talents. You have to have interests like fishing, comedy, makeup, dating, sewing, history, [Inaudible 39:18] history, movies, painting, gardening, all of these things are interest that I have specifically seen people somehow put more of themselves into their every day. And therefore makes their day have more of their true selves in it. And it makes them happier and everybody that works around them, that interacts with them get more out of their day too because that more of that person's authentic self is there to kind of share.

39:56   And one of the things that I think I'm gonna like invite people on the channel to say, if you are challenged by a way to find a, something positive about your a, situation either whether that's your position as a whole or a situation in life that you're finding it difficult to put yourself into to be authentic in, or if you think you don't have any interests that are relevant, I definitely invite you to try and I would love the challenge of asking you for specifics. And then I 1,000% sure that there's something there that can really help both you and everybody around you. You just may need helps finding it. You may need help. You may need more time and more study to find it. But I'd love the challenge of finding that at a faster pace. By just learning about you're kind of brainstorming that if you need it. So just message and I'll give out the email of the channel (the YouTube channel) it's, notjustapartments@gmail.com (not just apartments with no spaces). And though the whole idea that name came out of when, it doesn't matter what your job is, what I did was manage apartments but that's irrelevant. The most important, relevant aspect of that is when I realized that this is not just apartments. There's like every single day is a chance for me to put more into it, get more out of it and look for more and more ways to utilize skills. In my case, it was the skills of streamlining things to make them easier, make people feel more in contact, make people understand the things they were dealing with better. And of course, use videography, more in digital like social media and things like that. That helps in every this...

42:07   I mean, just Geez. There's so many uses for that. It seems like we've used it all up. But there's so many uses and functions of it that we haven't really taken advantage of yet. And that's a cool potential. So notjustapartments@gmail.com, if you have a situation that you'd like to run by me or just share. If you have success in that realm. If there was like something that you thought was a challenge that became an opportunity. Something that you thought was a pain in the ass and then you realize, oh my gosh, the obstacle is the way. I realized that if I tackle this, it's going to make my life kind of go forward to the next best thing. I'd love to hear that too. And I'll share that unless you're make this anonymous. It's embarrassing. That might be it. I think that's all I got for you. Thank you again so much for listening. And I know that it's been a while but I appreciate every single time you click, like or comment or follow or just the fact that you played it. And God bless you and namaste.