As I’ve said before waking up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but I wouldn’t want it any other way at this point. If I did not wake up, I do believe chronic illness was coming next for me. My body physically breaking down on me. Never having the knowledge that what I’ve experienced in this particular soul contract was still living in me. I thought I could run away from all the things that hurt me and just never look back. I thought I could wipe away all the times I was the villain in a ‘it is what it is’ kind of way. But the Divine doesn’t work like that and for that I am eternally grate...
As I’ve said before waking up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but I wouldn’t want it any other way at this point. If I did not wake up, I do believe chronic illness was coming next for me. My body physically breaking down on me. Never having the knowledge that what I’ve experienced in this particular soul contract was still living in me. I thought I could run away from all the things that hurt me and just never look back. I thought I could wipe away all the times I was the villain in a ‘it is what it is’ kind of way. But the Divine doesn’t work like that and for that I am eternally grateful.
No need to procrastinate these life lessons for another repeated incarnation. I’m sure it would feel like Deja vu coming back only I’d be a different name identifying as a new incarnation. Now for those who do not believe in the soul lessons or reincarnation for the sake of soul evolution I’ll never understand how you walk around every day and don’t feel automatically fucked. I’m not sure how you can walk around without facing yourself, making yourself the villain for a short time to ask yourself why you felt the choice to play that role. I’ve slid through many masks over my short time on Earth. I felt hidden underneath a mask I did not want to wear for so many years and even in my awakening years. I’ll be at a 5-year mark of a “dick punched perspective change” that still has my hands in the air wondering what on Earth is going on. I’ve learned more about energy in the last four years than I was ever capable of grasping in any other part of my life. Through building that knowledge I’ve been able to dive deeper into myself then I ever did in my notebooks. I found a relationship with my body I could barely comprehend when the subtle energies started creeping in to teach me there is so much more than the physical going on.
As I am standing in the line of those who were completely blind to what was energetically going on outside and inside of them I felt I should speak on it. As I’ve always been a writer I believed and still believe to this day that it is my main gift I was given when I entered this world. I have written about things that even as I wrote them have left me in shame. All these icky things coming to the surface and armed with the knowledge (now) that sweeping what happened under the carpet is just karmic procrastination that will come back for me when the divine timing sees fit. So here I present what I wrote last night. As I tried to close my eyes and escape into the astral the teleprompter in my head starting writing to me again. I have no choice at this point but to honor the role of being the vessel these words choose to come out of. I am the hero, the villain, the victim and the saint in all these poetic reflections. I am also the young girl others experimented unconsciously with their judgements.
I have now realized the weight words have on others from an energetic and subconscious programming level. I have often wondered if the words they passed onto would’ve been stones instead if I would have been buried under rubble, left for dead. As I try to climb from the rubble will I be told I am just too weak to face what they tell me is the truth. Will I be shamed into believing their words did not hurt, that they just care and worry about me too much. I am just too sensitive and weak for this over masculated , left- brained world.
As I present my findings to you of who I once was and who I aim to be, all I ask is you take the pieces of you that you find in me. I am a piece of a whole collection. Egotistically feeling important and at the same time understanding the pinch of salt in existence I truly am. I write from the lessons I’ve learned and document when I am walking through the fire. Here I present “Write Her Off” originally written on www.asiruniritechyly.com if you have noticed reading my website that “write” is spelled “rite” it’s a fun play on misspelled words I’ll dictate in a later post for now enjoy the collective beat up I was able to transcribe from a higher octave of myself.
Write Her off - Originally posted on www.asiruniritechyly.com
This is where
My resentment
Had begun
When they wrote me off
In their minds Of course
I was too mouthy
Too rebellious
Didn’t want to listen
To so many black kettles
Boiling and spilling over
At the same time
So much negativity
Flying between two
It’s hitting the children
Yet they just pushed on through
I heard them talk of my mother
Heard them talk of my father
Which side do I believe
No monster created me
I started to dig
Wondered how high
Cortisol was when I became alive
Into the portal and out I cry
But I’ve always wondered
Was I crying inside my
Mother the whole time
Could I have been born
Rebellious and already mouthy
Yet as my language formed
I was already to tell the truth
Yet no one wanted truth
They just wanted their side
To be what I saw in my mind
So they write me off
I hear their thoughts
Must be a lost cause
No one will hire you
When you are such
A bitch and a snob
Must be a lost cause
Can’t find a place in
This world
I guess we were right
She’s too far gone
Our God can’t save her
Although we say we pray
For her we believe
In our closed frame of
Mind we should write her off
We can’t understand her
She’s so different from us
Honestly can’t stand her
She mopes around us too much
Always looks like she’s somewhere else
Never present for our talks of mistrust
Let’s mentally write her off
But let’s also hug her and tell her
We love her so the energy feels off
Let’s advise her on our perspective
And tell her this is the only way
Success is paved with sacrifice
And your own blood is the toll
As we make our way to the grave
Make sure you buy a house
( you could never afford)
Make sure you get the nice car
( so everyone thinks you deserve)
Fill the house with children
( even though no village of help exists)
Don’t forget to swipe credit cards
(Everyone does it)
You dropped out of college?
Well enjoy your peasant life
No one ever made it
Without this piece of paper
I am still in my 60s paying off
She’s not listening to us again
Looks like she’s in dream land again
Just write her off
She’s always marched to the
Beat of her own drum
So let her walk
If she doesn’t believe what
We need her to believe
Then she’s a lost cause
“We won’t judge you
But we will pray for you”
In our minds where we
Think our thoughts of
Judgement are hidden
We will write her off
Use her as an example
Of what not to be
What not to say
And how not to act
She isn’t a sheep
Like us
She’s a lost cause
Write her off
We will use our eyes
The windows to our soul
To look at her mistakes
And magnify her regret
Our compassion will come
With strings
“ are you ready to listen to us”
“We know what is best for you
Even though we don’t know you”
She’s not listening again
She’s disassociating
Daydreaming in her head
Write her off
She’s just too much for us
As she sits there and listens
To these black kettles
She resists consciously
However deep down
What they said is
Haunting me
You wrote her off
And now she’s going
To tell everyone
The truth
9:59pm
9-5-23
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